Bit gutted

[BitGutted]

So I'm a bit gutted
We got engaged 2 weeks ago it was a really lovely surprise after an awful year.

My parents and his delighted so they said

So 2 weeks later not even a card off any family and I saw my mum earlier and showed her some dresses I'd seen online and I got a "no point in doing ANYTHING until this covid situation gets under control"

Maybe she's right but would it kill her to be slightly pleased for me? My sister got engaged and had a big engagement party (organised by my mum) which I know isn't possible but was hoping for a family BBQ or something and literally nothing has been said I'm really peed off with them all - why can't they just be happy for us?

DP said let's host our own bbq next weekend I just feel let down by my Mum and Dad.

Congratulations!

I totally understand why you feel let down and sad. Your feelings are valid.

I can kind of see her point about the covid comment in a way, as maybe she wants you to have the sort of wedding you'd have wanted pre covid.

Do you live with your DP? And if so, do you have children together?

Was your sister in a similar or different position when she organised a party for her?

I'm not saying an engagement isn't worth celebrating but people tend to make less of a fuss for couples who have a home together and children.

Congratulations
I suspect your mum is disappointed she can't make this the celebration she dreamed of for you, but she needs a wobble to see that she can make this a celebration of your engagement at the time and situation that you are in.
So tell her this is you're engagement and your time and she can join tge excitement as it is of loose out because you aren't losing this special time to Covid

Congratulations.

Do you not organise your own engagement parties in the UK? Here in Ireland we arrange our own.

Can you organise something at home? I'm not sure how many are allowed but you could have something small.

I've had a few big events with close family here in the last few months and tbh I haven't sent a card, I was waiting to see if they arranged a party later on.

It's been only 2 weeks, it's still early days and it is a weird time for meet ups and parties.

Maybe have something small at home and see if they all bring a card etc

As for dresses, I get you are excited and want to look straight away but unless the wedding is imminent people are not going to be as excited, maybe when things settle and you have a date you can arrange for a few to go dress shopping.

Congratulations! I do sort of see her point because the big white dress traditional wedding with all your friends and family probably isn’t going to happen any time soon. And that’s likely what she wants for you. These are strange times and for a lot of people there doesn’t seem much point planning big things right now with so much uncertainty. I’ve sadly had 3 friends cancel or postpone weddings this year and another friend get engaged and be unable to find a venue with any suitable availability anytime in 2021 because of all the backlog from the ones that didn’t happen this year.

Host your own engagement barbecue, tell your mum you want to get excited and that you hope she’ll share it with you. I’m sure she’ll come around!

Hmm, unless there was something in your mum’s tone, I think you’re over-reacting. What makes you think they aren’t “pleased” and “happy”?

Why do this to yourself and spoil a happy time by inventing grievances? You don’t need to lead your life like this. You can just relax and enjoy the moment.

My fiancé and I have been engaged almost 3 years and we're still waiting on a call from his parents saying congrats 😂 in all seriousness though, I can see the point about the COVID thing - why not just organise your own engagement celebration, that's what we did!

Congratulations.

Yes that is a bit odd.

Ignore her and get excited with your friends. Spend money on over priced magazines and get out there viewing venues. If you want a wedding end of next year or 2021 you need to get holds and options on venues now and just make sure you have a good clause in the contact about moving if needs be due to covid eg regional lock down of close family illness.

In the oldie days when I got engaged, parties and celebrations did not happen for an engagement, a baby shower,or baby gender reveal etc, family members were happy for you, and that was that.

Congratulations but its the time we are in rather than the feelings. Cards are more of an effort and take more planning to get at the moment and they are right its better to wait till this is all over. My sister has had to move her wedding and looks like she is about to move it again to ensure everyone can come due to covid.

Don't take it personally...

Is she just feeling down about the whole situation ifykwim?

congratulations but...you're not the first. she probably realized it was all a bit silly after your sister and is more than happy to tone it down. btw this will happen when the babies start coming as well, there is something about being the first.

We didn’t have engagement parties back in my day, you just put the ring on your finger !
Just get on and organise your own.

When I got engaged I organised my own party, it was a sectioned off part at a pub with some food. I agree with your partner, organise a bbq. I also understand why you feel disappointed but don't let it stop you from celebrating.

If she organised a party for your sister but hasn't mentioned even a Sunday roast or whatever with family then it's very unfair

One thing I will say is make the say your own. Be happy. Choose to be happy. Does she favour the other sister?

I did not know engagement cards were a thing.
Are engagement celebrations a thing?
Or Sunday roasts to celebrate plans.
The situation is very uncertain & hard to plan for.
I will no doubt mess up as badly as OP thinks her family has.

It would never occur to me to send someone an engagement card.

Congratulations anyway

Both sets of parents have told you they are delighted about your engagement. There is absolutely no reason for you to think otherwise. YABU.

Your mum sounds quite worried about the Covid situation so probably wouldn't want to go into a card shop. I think she is saying that the engagement celebration should take place after restrictions are lifted so that you can celebrate properly.

Congratulations!

We got some cards from relatives when we got engaged but no bash. Until the wedding of course.

Sounds like your mum would organise something if it wasn’t for the pandemic.

It would never occur to me to send anyone an engagement card, tbh. And unless your sister also got engaged during Covid 19, it’s a whole different social world. Is a bbq even possible where you are now? (I’m not in the UK?) I know so many people who’ve had to postpone weddings, in one case more than once, that it seems prudent to be cautious about plans.