Losing a parent

[Beansprout30]

Aibu to ask how you felt when your mum / dad someone equally as close, died? My dad passed away suddenly a few weeks ago and I obviously feel very sad, but i also feel ‘ok’? We were close and I saw him most days and cannot believe he’s gone.

I don’t know if this is normal and at some point it’s going to hit me harder. I have two very young kids who keep me busy and perhaps I don’t have time to sit and think about what’s happened.

My dad died very suddenly 10 months ago. It still doesn’t feel real at all. I have a very busy life with work, kids and my mum. I feel this has kept me going but also hasn’t given me a chance to grieve.

I feel as if everything is on hold and I just go through the motions of day to day life.

So sorry for your loss.

Lost my dad early adulthood.
I think it goes in stages. Something like the 5 stages of loss. Denial is the first. I was in that stage for many months..
And the last stage took many years.

Sorry to hear about your loss op

I felt more devastated when my Dad was first diagnosed with cancer than I did when he actually died. He lasted far longer than expected and there were horrendous ups and downs during that time. It seemed to go on for ever and unfortunately this has left me with such great sadness. No living creature deserved what he went through and this seems to have defined his life for me. I can't seem to have happy thoughts/memories as the painful ones take over.
So sorry for your loss but please don't worry about how you should feel, everyone is different.

The five stages are total bullshit. Grief isn’t linear and it’s not the same between different people or between different griefs.

It all depends on who you are, what state you’re in when it happens, who it is who dies.....

I reacted differently to my mother’s death and my brother’s death and witness families reacting differently to a family member’s death on a daily basis.

There’s no one way to feel, and the way you feel today may not be the way you feel tomorrow or ten years from now.

I think your in shock I think as the time goes on youl miss him around bdays xmas small things he does sorry for your loss

My Dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly. I can pinpoint the exact moment when my emotions switched off and I went into 'coping' mode.

I helped Mum arrange his funeral. I dealt with all the phone calls and visitors and it wasnt til after the funeral it hit me

Itll probably hit you soon and it might hit you hard but its totally normal

Sorry for your loss OP. I would echo what others have said in that grief comes in waves and it can hit you differently. I also just had to get on with things after my mum died, but, I would find myself just sobbing quietly a LOT because I'd be busy on something then suddenly realise she was dead and it was like it was hitting me all over again. I spent a lot of time by myself that year because I just didn't feel like I wanted to be all perky and fun. I think that was the key difference - I wasn't breaking down constantly or unable to function, but I wasn't necessarily functioning in my usual way. Everyone told me you need to go a full year and then it starts to ease so I felt a lot of guilt that after about 8 months I found things easier.

But five years later, I still occasionally get the jolt.

DH lost an uncle he was incredibly close to but who he didn't see or speak to very often around about the same time. What he found weird was it hit him hard only a few months later. It was almost like for the first few months it was just like they weren't chatting much. Then suddenly one day he realised there were NO options to be in touch.

for everyone on this thread.

It affects everyone differently, OP. There is no right and wrong. Is your mum still alive? I found that it didn't hit me that my mum was dead until my father died, and he died nine years after my mum. I didn't shed a single tear for my mum in nine years, although I loved her very much. Now I'm still having weird crying fits out of nowhere, for both of them, even though my father has been dead for well over a year.

I'm sorry you lost your dad

I lost my mum a couple of years ago and I had a period of feeling numb - as if it wasn't real, and I think many people experience this. It can take a while for it to really sink in, but I found that after her funeral I could begin to accept the fact that she was really gone as it gave me a chance to say goodbye. Its the little things that can upset me unexpectedly and makes me miss her so bloody much.

Give yourself time to grieve and remember all of the happy memories that you have of your dad.

I felt ok for a while and was shocked how ok I felt but it really hit hard a few weeks later when out of the initial numb stage