Feeling sad and worried and anxious

[HappySonHappyMum]

Found out that close friends have lost their lovely boy in an accident - it's really shaken me up, he was in his 20's and had his whole life to live, I'm so sad for them and their poor family. The stupid thing is that it's sent my anxiety spiralling - I'm literally screaming inside - and it shouldn't be about me at all. My own DS is about to start an apprenticeship in the next couple of weeks is going to be travelling up North from down South every week for the next year as part of his training. If he has an accident or needs me I'm going to be a good five hours away by car. I've spent all summer getting my head around him being away and this has really thrown a curve ball that I didn't expect. You assume that by the age of 18 you've done your job and managed to keep them safe all through there childhood and it will all be OK. Now I realise that anything can still happen, that the jobs not finished at all. How do you cope when your child leaves home and you're not there to keep them safe anymore.

Have you had mental health issues previously? I'd suggest speaking to your GP about your thoughts and getting CBT ASAP!

Its normal to feel and empathise for a close family, but your descriptions sound above the norm. 'screaming inside', ' anxiety spiralling' etc etc. I hope you get the help you need very soon.

I think it is totally understandable to feel very shaken, it's a very big shock.

We cope by knowing death happens but somehow believing it happens to other people? And now you have that knocked by it happening to someone you can identify with.

Take very good care of yourself, I know it isn't about you but it is a tragedy for a family you are close to, it's not a small thing.

Not sure your response warrants CBT immediately, any decent counsellor would be at the idea you shouldn't be shaken by this. If your anxiety does go back down see where you are in a bit

There was an horrific crash near us a week or so ago that killed 4 young men in their 20s.

It has increased my anxiety when my own two go out even locally but just in the sense that it's at the forefront instead of at the back (where it usually is) of my mind.

I think it's normal to feel more anxious and even more so if that person is close to you, but it will fade again as things 'return to normal' and will just be a sad event (for you I mean not his family).

My two return to uni this week at opposite ends of the country and I have to say that I worry less about them when they aren't here than when they are. What I can't see I can't be anxious about sort of.

My two are pretty good at sending me the odd 'hi mum I'm still alive text' which also helps.

Hugs. Assuming that your anxiety is generally well controlled, I think that you just need to give yourself time to get back level again when something throws you off track - as of course something awful like this would do. Basically, take extra good care of yourself for a couple of weeks, and try to distract yourself from thinking about all the what-ifs