My parents really don't GAF?

[faysieb]

I haven't seen my parents since January. They live in the north I'm down in London. I was on steroids at the start of lockdown so have barely left the house, wfh during the week and have twice had socially distanced visit with the in laws as my husbands grandad died during this time. We are having a few days away in Wales next week and it's been so long I said I'd like to see my parents. They kind of did lockdown but after about 6 weeks missed their grandchildren and my sister has mental health problems and struggled so since then they have been round most days and it keeps them and everyone else happy, they have a bubble and it works. So I spoke them about coming up to see them, they said they would rather I didn't stay with them, fine by me, we booked a hotel and that was our plan anyway. They said we could all meet for dinner as a family at the hotels pub, sure also great, we're there for a few days so can do that 👍.
So spoke to them tonight and they said they can't meet us on the Saturday as my dad is going to watch football with my nephew at my sisters and probably best we don't come. They've had my aunt, uncle and cousin round in the last month but too risky to be us. So I said ok mum well we could come and keep you company while dad is out? No apparently she'll be too tired (she does take weekly meds on a Saturday that make her feel a bit rubbish).
They have booked a table for the full family to have lunch on the Sunday 12-2 so they said they'll see us then but that's it.
Can't help but feel a bit hacked off, driving 200 miles each way to see them for the first time in 6 months and out of the 3 days I'm there they can only spare 2 hours?
AIBU to say bollocks I won't bother then?

I'd be pretty miffed op. Did you plan that weekend with them or did you say 'we are coming on x date'?

that's rubbish. why aren't they making more effort? can you talk to them about how you feel?

So sorry op I'd be very hurt if I was you

In that situation - yes they don't care about you. Sorry to be harsh.

Phone the hotel if it's a chain and transfer the booking or tell them you've cancelled and plan nice things to do in the area that don't involve them.

Why make people a priority when you are only an option for them?

I’d cancel and tell them why personally. That’s rubbish

I'd find that extremely hurtful. Can you talk to them about it?

I wouldn't be going. That's completely shit. 2 hours in the 3 days you are going to be there. Fuck that!

Did you explicitly say that you wanted to spend time with them on the Saturday (aside from the meal)?

Honestly, I would probably cancel then booking and make other plans for yourselves. Call them and say that while you are looking forward to seeing them, you will rearrange to a weekend that is more convenient / less busy for them. If I'm driving a long distance and staying in a hotel overnight to meet someone, I would expect to see them more than a 2h lunch tbh.

I would just cancel. What's the point in spending your money on the hotel and making the effort to get there when they can't make the time for you?

Toxic games. Remove yourself.

Are you sure they aren't a bit wary of you, thinking you may be contagious for some reason. People can be very irrational. It might be that they think Wales is safe but other parts of the country make them nervous.

That’s awful and I’d cancel the trip, whether you make an excuse or tell them is up to you. But I wouldn’t go, I suspect they could pull out of lunch or do something else which would hurt your feelings even more, so I think you’re best to avoid.
I’m so sorry for you.

I wouldn’t be going , just tell them you won’t be coming for two hours and move on

"Can't help but feel a bit hacked off, driving 200 miles each way to see them for the first time in 6 months and out of the 3 days I'm there they can only spare 2 hours?"

Cancel. And tell you mother why.

Cancel.
So sorry op. I'd be so hurt.

Explain why, if they ask.

@Lollypop701

I’d cancel and tell them why personally. That’s rubbish

Absolutely. Spend your free time with your own DC doing something you will all enjoy.

Thanks everyone it's good to know I'm not just being a dick. They knew we were coming this exact date as it their wedding anniversary on the Saturday so I expected total family time, not necessarily one on one time but more than just the meal we'd usually have. They haven't explicitly said they are worried about the risk with COVID, they're happy to have a meal at a pub with 8 of us (3 households) which I'm a bit unsure of but I could ask them, and understand as my sister and the kids are in their bubble. Maybe I need to be clearer that I'd be happy to come round with my chair and sit 2m away in the garden?
I do have some issues with them as I haven't been able to have children and their grandkids are their world and has time had gone on I've resented that and felt less 'worthy'.

Ah OP as another person without children I get that sense of being "less worthy".... I've not seen one of my parents for 19 out of the last 20 Christmases because their new spouse has grandkids and so they always go there because children (etc etc) it smarts, doesn't it? A very distinct kind of hurt. Sending solidarity.

I would cancel OP. “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.“

@WhereYouLeftIt

"Can't help but feel a bit hacked off, driving 200 miles each way to see them for the first time in 6 months and out of the 3 days I'm there they can only spare 2 hours?"

Cancel. And tell you mother why.

Exactly this.

Can you Express anything via your sister

ie say "im really hurt about mum not spending any time with us"

What does she say after that

Sorry Mum. Dying to see you but x mile round trip for 2 hour visit just doesn’t stack up. Maybe see you soon?

Crumbs, that’s very poor. I think I’d cancel, but I know in my family, that would be months of not talking and atmosphere. 2 hours out of 3 days is shit, tho.