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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holidaying with friends

29 replies

Myholidaywoes · 30/08/2020 19:06

DH has suggested we have a 2-week summer holiday next year with his oldest friend and his wife. I get on fine with them but find them a bit hard work and have said I don't want our main holiday to be with them. I told DH a long weekend or just a week with them would be ok as a compromise.
He has said I am unfair, am limiting him and he finds my opinion unpleasant and annoying.
If I suggested holidaying with people he didn't fancy holidaying with, I would drop the idea for his sake and am quite sad that he won't do the same for me.
AIBU to stick to my guns on this one?

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 30/08/2020 19:08

YANBU. 2 weeks is a very, very long time with people you find hard work

toomanyspiderplants · 30/08/2020 19:09

YANBU. I wouldn't either

TidyDancer · 30/08/2020 19:10

I think it depends on whether there would be scope within the holiday to have some time to yourselves and what you mean by them being hard work.

Sewsosew · 30/08/2020 19:11

I’ve known holidays break so many friendships I would say it’s a bad idea.

DramaAlpaca · 30/08/2020 19:12

God no. Holidaying with another couple, even people I like a lot, would be my idea of hell.

rookiemere · 30/08/2020 19:12

2 weeks is a long time to holiday with people you love never mind people you're lukewarm about. He's being unhelpful by not accepting that.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 30/08/2020 19:14

YANBU. I like holidaying with friends... For a few days. But I like my space too.

Original poster
Myholidaywoes · 30/08/2020 19:15

By hard work I mean he never really lightens up, is rather humourless and she never shuts up.
I enjoy peace and quiet and time to myself with a good book on holiday.
Maybe we could all do our own thing but if that doesn't work, I couldn't relax and enjoy a holiday

OP posts:
JayAlfredPrufrock · 30/08/2020 19:16

Hell is other people.

Hell no.

Nanny0gg · 30/08/2020 19:28

No. You've compromised. He hasn't.

Tell him to go on his own.

nosswith · 30/08/2020 19:42

Two weeks with friends if you have not even been for a weekend away together sounds a bad idea. Even if you get on with them, which you do not seem to, OP.

Ginger1982 · 30/08/2020 19:42

I think 2 weeks is far too long. Does he expect you to share accommodation too? I would start with a weekend first but, at the end of the day, he should respect how you feel.

Norma27 · 30/08/2020 19:45

I love a long weekend away with my friends. 2 weeks would be far too long. Especially if they are hard work anyway.

Original poster
Myholidaywoes · 30/08/2020 19:46

Yes, sharing accommodationShock

OP posts:
Original poster
Myholidaywoes · 30/08/2020 19:49

The long joint holiday is definitely not going to happen but I am sad about DH trying to make me feel bad about saying no. Good to get the reassurance here that I am not the unfair spoilsport DH is making me out to be.

OP posts:
Clymene · 30/08/2020 19:50

I go on holiday with friends most years and I love their company. I still wouldn't want to do 2 weeks with them!

TurquoiseDress · 30/08/2020 19:56

YANBU

Long wk end or 5 day stay? Anything longer just sounds like hard work & not exactly like the idea of a relaxing holiday.

Stick to your guns, he needs to listen & you both come to a compromise.

2 weeks is way too long!

Keysunshine · 30/08/2020 19:56

What an arsehole. Does he have form for this kind of behaviour?

Backtoschoolnotsoonenough · 30/08/2020 20:02

Advise him it would have to be 4 separate rooms as the prospect of having sex /hearing others having sex isn't on your radar..
Bet he changes his mind!

JulieHere · 30/08/2020 20:05

YANBU - 2 weeks is a long time!

BackforGood · 30/08/2020 20:08

YANBU at all. 14 days and 14 nights is a LOOOOOONG time if you aren't used to living with someone. The statistics show it is a long time for some families (who are normally out and about, at work, etc) to spend with each other. You don't want to test out how living in the same accommodation goes with people you think you all really like and get along with. Even then, I'd go for a weekend, or 3 - 4 days first.

Living together is very different from going round ro a BBQ or a meal, or spending a night out together.

EloiseTheFirst · 30/08/2020 20:27

I holiday with my best friend. But we both know that if we want to remain best friends it must never be for longer than a week!

You definitely need to stand your ground about this OP. You're not saying no - you're just saying not for longer than a week.

This is perfectly reasonable as far as I'm concerned and more than I'd agree to in your place!

Timekeeper2 · 30/08/2020 20:30

Your DH sounds like a condescending, self-serving arsehole, sorry. He is the one who is limiting you, and making YOUR holiday miserable. Do you/them have children? You didn't say in your post. Because if you've got kids then that makes it harder for you to relax.

I think you've made a more than fair and reasonable compromise, he is taking the piss and not giving a stuff about you feel. What a bastard! YANBU and DO stick to your guns! Tell him you find his attitude selfish and condescending, considering you've got out of your way to compromise, and he won't. It's supposed to be your holiday as a couple. If he finds you too boring to go on a holiday with, without someone else as a distraction, then why is he with you?

cptartapp · 30/08/2020 20:31

We've just holidayed with SIL, BIL and my nephews. We love the bones of them, but five days..more than long enough.
Tell him you find his attitude and suggestion unpleasant and annoying.

RomaineCalm · 30/08/2020 20:36

I love going away with friends but 3 or 4 nights is enough.

Two weeks - no way! YANBU.