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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why he's stopped texting me as much?

23 replies

Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 18:56

I have a very close male friend. He's lovely and we're always there propping each other up through the good and bad times.

My friend and I have been friends for about 18 months and became close quickly.

Each morning from about four months into the friendship he always text me in the morning and since march we have text very frequently through the day, him always initiating the text but I always text back. We always have things to say to each other and sometimes it felt like he was purposely finding things to text me with like articles about shared interests etc. A great friendship by all accounts.

The past week though I've sensed something different in him. We met up just the two of us recently as we often do and it was lovely. Since then, he has still text me first, but not til later in the day (usually it's the minute he wakes up!) and in general texts have been far less frequent. He's not any more busy than usual and I don't mind that he's not texting me as much, just trying to think why someone would change their texting frequency? Has he finally got sick of us texting so much?! I miss his texts, but don't want to appear desperate by texting him first or as much!

OP posts:
Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 18:57

Gosh my post sounds like it's written by a teenager!

OP posts:
Lovelivelaughcry · 30/08/2020 18:58

He's probably met someone he is now texting more. Are you sure you only want friendship from him? It sounds like you want a more romantic relationship

Suzi888 · 30/08/2020 19:00

How old are you both op?
March was the start of lockdown and now things are lifting? Is it a friendship or dating?

GhostCurry · 30/08/2020 19:00

Agree that it sounds like you want more. Possible?

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 30/08/2020 19:02

Maybe he just feels that he always has to be the one initiating 'conversation' and wants to see if you will if he doesn't text first thing?

Maybe the frequent texting during the day has just become too much?

Are you sure things were lovely when you met up recently?

ZaraW · 30/08/2020 19:03

I also think he's met someone.

Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 19:06

I do want more but it's impossible, he's gay. He knows I like him, I think, but often leads me on, especially after the drink and if he was straight I'd swear he had feelings for me.

He's definitely not met anyone else.

OP posts:
Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 19:08

I do text him back when he texts first @NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite. When we met up we had a great time and he text me as soon as he got home afterwards.

OP posts:
Dontassume2020 · 30/08/2020 19:10

Ask him.

Calabasa · 30/08/2020 19:10

might be that he felt something was different and is withdrawing slightly.. maybe he feels like he's tired of initiating and waiting to see if the friendship is one-sided.

Ask him whats wrong.

SylvanianFrenemies · 30/08/2020 19:11

Maybe he is backing off a bit as he realises this intensity isn't a good idea, given your feelings.

Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 19:12

@dontassume2020 I can't! Arrrgggh! It might make things awkward. He was always so full of it constantly texting me and now although he still does it's become sporadic and it's not that I'm bothered by this really, I just don't understand why the change! I'm overthinking this I know!

OP posts:
Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 19:16

I think he realised my feelings since a long while ago, almost a year possibly, so I don't think that's an issue. He's very flirty with me at times too and often talks about a future together (he's gay so he prob doesn't mean it but always sounds serious!). He's always checking I'm ok and when he's drunk he's all over me and tells me he loves me as gay men sometimes are with their female best friends.

OP posts:
LivingMyBestLife2020 · 30/08/2020 19:16

@Magicra84 Am I right in thinking you’ve text about this guy before, asking if he likes you?

If you are the same person, you need to step away from the obsession with this man that you can’t have. I’d assume he’s met somebody or he’s cooling the friendship off as he knows you want more than he can give you.

dollypops15 · 30/08/2020 19:18

Either he has realised he has feelings for you more than friends.

Or he has met someone. And this someone is getting all his attention.

boredboredboredboredbored · 30/08/2020 19:19

[quote LivingMyBestLife2020]@Magicra84 Am I right in thinking you’ve text about this guy before, asking if he likes you?

If you are the same person, you need to step away from the obsession with this man that you can’t have. I’d assume he’s met somebody or he’s cooling the friendship off as he knows you want more than he can give you.[/quote]

I was thinking the same....in fact more than one previous thread started by the same op?

Eckhart · 30/08/2020 19:23

It's not healthy to spend time trying to work out the mysteries of other people's behaviour. It could be this, or maybe that, or perhaps he 'something', or maybe he 'something else'...

Can't you ask him? 'You seem a bit quiet, is everything ok?'

Perhaps he's had bad news or isn't well. Or maybe he's gone off you. Or suddenly developed confusing feelings for you. Or got visited by aliens. You won't find out by asking people on MN.

SylvanianFrenemies · 30/08/2020 19:36

He's gay. He likes cock. No matter how much he likes and cares for you a romantic/sexual relationship is a non starter. Maybe he has matured a bit and realised that you haven't fully grasped that. Do yourself a favour, enjoy the friendship but stop allowing it to consume you.

LivingMyBestLife2020 · 30/08/2020 19:36

@boredboredboredboredbored, agree there have been multiple posts previously

RoadworksAgain · 30/08/2020 19:36

This is probably your third or fourth thread about this guy.

Are you hoping to hear something different on this one?

He's gay.

Nothing is going to happen between you. And he sounds like a twat actually, he knows you're head over heels and enjoys flirting and leading you on.

You are wasting your life overanalysing everything about this friendship and engaging with it as much as you do.

Suzi888 · 30/08/2020 19:58

He’s gay? Or bisexual? OP if he’s gay, a friend, you want what he doesn’t. A hug, a kiss, a text, it doesn’t mean anything, sorry.
If you think otherwise, you’ll have to ask him xx

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 30/08/2020 20:13

Are you sure he's not bi? Is he sure?

Nquartz · 30/08/2020 20:17

Is it Groundhog Day Hmm

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