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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cut out brother and sister-in-law over selling a horse?

30 replies

RosiePosie15 · 30/08/2020 10:43

For context, I’ve been riding since I was a young kid and have always owned my own horse. Last year I had a nasty fall and cut my leg open and broke my ribs, leaving me unable to move for weeks and drive for months. As a result I have not ridden since. At the beginning of this year I let my eldest niece ride my horse but told the family that I was planning to sell. When lockdown happened my SIL stopped her kids from riding and I heard nothing from them about my horse. I decided to sell her through a business that a family friend runs because I need the money and have found a lovely home for her to go to (she’s been very lonely since DD’s horse died). But this was advertised on FB and SIL found out and was furious. She claimed that my niece was heartbroken (I saw her and she was not bothered) and so was she but neither of them had mentioned anything to me about riding my horse again. Brother really did my head in when he got involved and called my beloved horse an ‘it’. This was all over text by the way and things started to turn ugly so I just stopped replying. We live about two minutes away and I was always around dropping off shopping for my mother, so surely it couldn’t have been difficult to ask me about my horse? AIBU to not want anything to do with them anymore? I’m still sending my nieces and nephews birthday presents and such but I don’t want to see SIL or brother.

OP posts:
DDiva · 30/08/2020 10:50

YANBU to sell your horse.

YABU to cut contact over this. Next time you see them just say you wanted to sell your horse and it had nothing to do with them.

PinkiOcelot · 30/08/2020 10:53

Ask them if they want to buy it and pay for everything that comes with owning a horse.

cheeseislife8 · 30/08/2020 10:54

Over text a lot can be misconstrued. I'd calmly explain that you appreciate that DN has been enjoying your horse but that she's yours to sell as you see fit. No need to cut contact unless there's a history imo

Jeschara · 30/08/2020 11:05

Sell your horse, bottom line, it's none of their business. Dont enter into anymore texts or conversations.

romeolovedjulliet · 30/08/2020 11:23

so much drama over nothing and i bet there was 'lots of crying and being heart broken' . your horse, your right to sell. hold an olive branch out but if they refuse are they really worth the hassle and drama ?
off topic slightly but dh's niece was apparently 'sobbing, broken hearted and inconsulable' when told her gf [fil] had died, she hadn't seen him for god knows how many years and never that contact. gm mil chose to accept the drama. neice never contacted gm before or after either.

Original poster
RosiePosie15 · 30/08/2020 11:31

I told them that I was open to offers from them but I had my horse valued and was she was worth £4000 to which they said was too much for them. I would have accepted less but I thought they were very rude and my brother didn’t really want her anyway (they already have five horses themselves). Even if they offered to buy her now it’s too late since she’s already been sold and is at her new home.
@cheeseislife8 There is history, especially between my sister and mum with my SIL and brother but they all live on a farm together whereas me and my family live down the road. Most of the arguments have been about wills but SIL and brother have been trying to kick my parents out of their own house for a while now, so tensions were already high before this.

OP posts:
PoppyFleur · 30/08/2020 11:34

Have they shown any concern or empathy for you following your accident last year? Any understanding of the circumstances that have resulted in this decision?

No you are not being unreasonable to distance yourself from people who bring nothing but drama to your life. I wouldn’t cut contact completely, I suspect your DB & SIL would cast themselves as the injured party in that situation too. They sound very hard work.

Freddiefox · 30/08/2020 11:36

Yanbu to sell the horse at all, it I think it’s a bit for them to find out from Facebook that you were selling him/her.
I think you could have just told them first.

HorsePellets · 30/08/2020 11:36

They’ve already got FIVE horses?! So why on earth are they getting the arse about yours?

They sound like utter pains.

DingDongDenny · 30/08/2020 11:42

They sound incredibly entitled. They want you to pay for the upkeep of a horse which you aren't riding and now your update about trying to claim your mums house. Sounds like it would be no loss if you didn't speak to them again

JamieLeeCurtains · 30/08/2020 11:42

They're trying to chuck your parents out of their home? As in, the farmhouse? Where do expect them to go?

Pollydron · 30/08/2020 11:48

Sorry about your injuries OP and hope you’re ok now.

Keeping a horse on its own is animal cruelty imho. Horses are herd animals and can’t truly relax, sleep or play if they live alone. Some might seem ok but most likely they’ve just shut down.

So if you’ve moved your horse to a home with companions then you’ve done the right thing by her. Niece and SIL feelings can get stuffed.

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/08/2020 11:58

It’s hard to find a home for an animal you love so I’d carry on. Their just pissed they get no more free riding.

katy1213 · 30/08/2020 12:02

But you're clearly cut from the same melodramatic cloth if it 'does your head in' - horrible expression - for a horse to be 'it.'

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/08/2020 12:12

Why did you have to drop off shopping for your mum if they live with her?

They sound like arseholes.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/08/2020 12:13

@PinkiOcelot

Ask them if they want to buy it and pay for everything that comes with owning a horse.
This ^

When my DD wanted a pony and Looked into the associated costs, I nearly fainted!

The pony itself was the price of a decent pedigree dog - not much problem there, a push, but we could have managed it - but livery, farrier's costs, insurance etc etc etc were enormous! I think it would have cost about £100/week for polo mints alone! (plus, I knew fine well who was likely to end up mucking out stables on icy winter's mornings.)

There is a lot of work and money involved in a horse.

As Ocelot says - they want it, they can pay for it!

ChicCroissant · 30/08/2020 12:21

Way too much drama on both sides here OP, you all seem to be looking for issues to take offence over.

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/08/2020 12:24

I don’t see where the OP is supposedly fuelling the drama?

Detach with certainty OP. Doesn’t have to be full NC but you can let things cool off.

Friendsoftheearth · 30/08/2020 12:27

Your horse, your choice.

You were very kind to let them ride your horse.

They could buy the horse if they wanted to, but I assume they do not want the outlay, and are happy for you to keep footing the bill.

Low contact would be better, and let the whole thing calm down. The central problem about the money grabbing is the real reason you are probably sad with them.

SuitedandBooted · 30/08/2020 12:33

I wouldn't go no contact at the moment, as I think it will cause your parents further upset, and they sound like they have enough to deal with. Also, as they all live together, you may find it difficult to contact your parents.

Original poster
RosiePosie15 · 30/08/2020 12:38

@PoppyFleur Not really but they have four kids so I understood at the time that they couldn’t help out as much as the rest of my family.
@Freddiefox I had told them when niece was riding that I was planning to sell but had only found time during lockdown to arrange for her to be sold. Possibly I should have reminded them but at the time I didn’t realise that the advert would be all over FB.
@JamieLeeCurtains My parents live in the farmhouse and my brother and SIL live with their DCs in a cottage on the property. They suggested a smaller house in another village but my mum doesn’t want to move and my dad still works on the farm on a daily basis.
@Pollydron Thank you and I’m doing good but still got the scar on my leg. I agree with you and she has gone to a livery yard with plenty of other horses so I think she’s going to be very happy there and that we’ve done the right thing.
@katy1213 The expression may have been a poor choice of words but what I was trying to say was that my brother referring to my horse as an ‘it’ was basically the point at which I decided I would stop replying to them and wouldn’t accept an offer from them.
@AtrociousCircumstance My mum fell out with them awhile ago and I get weekly deliveries so I would include her shopping in my order when I had room. But it would have made much more sense for SIL or brother to drop off their shopping.
@SchadenfreudePersonified Yes owning and looking after a horse is very expensive! They already own five horses (two of which used to be DD’s until she outgrew them) so if they can’t afford to buy my horse, how do they expect to look after her and the five others?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 30/08/2020 12:41

I wouldnt make a big drama about it or go as far as cutting them out, but just say, look, i offered for you to buy the horse, and you already have horses, Plus i told you I was going to sell her already, so get off my case.

Then change the subject. You dont need to excommunicate them

Shizzlestix · 30/08/2020 13:08

Has she been sold now? You’ll get £4K all day long currently, the prices for babies are double that!

It’s nothing to do with your sil if you sold her, she has 5 others?!

Original poster
RosiePosie15 · 30/08/2020 13:48

@Shizzlestix Yes she has. The price of horses has definitely risen in recent months. I was surprised to find out that my horse was worth £4000 to be honest!

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 30/08/2020 13:56

@RosiePosie15 just like puppies. I’m half heartedly looking at horses, but the unicorn I want is going to set me back £8K currently. Think I’ll hang about til winter when people who have made impulse purchases realise it’s not all sunshine and clean horses!