To ask for your ‘life enhancing’ tips

[HenrysHome]

Or any little things/ routines you do to enhance your day and make it feel like you’re getting the most out of life?

Bit of background, even without taking Covid into account, dh and I have had a shitty year, we lost our baby at 20 weeks in Nov, we were lucky enough to conceive again in Feb but I’ve had a very difficult and anxious Pregnancy coupled with extensive bleeding in the first and second trimesters, I lost my job and then dh lost his a few months later (has a new one starting next month thank goodness!)

Anyway, I’m looking forward to putting this year behind me and starting mat leave with a fresh outlook on life. Even before all this, I’ve felt for years that I’m just robotically living life with no real joy and just living to work (stressful job with long hours before this). I want to turn this around and find real moments of joy and meaning in the day as I start a new chapter.

Not sure if I’m making much sense, but what things, little or big, do you do to achieve this in your own life? I’ve started small by keeping a tidy kitchen and wiping over surfaces as the kettle boils, sounds silly but I find it a real mood enhancer.

Always do the job you are least looking forward to first, whether that's in your job, round the house etc. If you put it off it'll just hang over you all day, do it first and it feels like you can take on anything!

"Anyway, I’m looking forward to putting this year behind me and starting mat leave with a fresh outlook on life. Even before all this, I’ve felt for years that I’m just robotically living life with no real joy and just living to work (stressful job with long hours before this). I want to turn this around and find real moments of joy and meaning in the day as I start a new chapter."

I really used to feel like this, like life was just about work and no fun and I had no energy, some things that have helped me are...

Gratitude journal: I just make a note on my phone of something that I appreciated that day, even if it's something that seems really small. My friend suggested this to me and I thought it was really cringey but it's actually quite nice and would say it's made me a bit more positive.

Daily exercise: I now do at least 20 minutes of walking, running or cycling first thing in the morning and it really boosts my mood. I used to just listen to music while walking but have recently started listening to podcasts and audio books which I really enjoy. Currently listening to the midnight library which I'm really liking. Also borrow friends dog sometimes, dogs make everything better!

Taking vitamin D and drinking more water has made me feel much more energetic.

I also find a tidy kitchen a mood booster. I use the organised mum method to keep on top of things, I love that her motto is "there's more to life than housework". I've downloaded the app (it's one off cost of £4.99) and customised it a lot, moved the days around and added/deleted jobs, so it's pretty much completely different now, but I like that stuff is broken down. It takes me about 10 minutes a day (DP does it too) instead of 30, and makes the place constantly 'guest ready' which is life changing for me! I really like the playlists too, they're free on spotify so you don't have to download the app for them.

Having a good old declutter and applying the "toothbrush" principle to everything has also made a massive difference. I've done it steadily over the last few month and I'm not finished yet, but it makes it so much easier to keep tidy and find things, find it much less stressful getting ready in the mornings etc. Sounds boring but it's so nice to have everything tidy, makes me feel much calmer and happier and feel like I do more things that before.

Planning days out in advance - I used to do things last minute, which meant that more often than not I didn't end up doing anything. So now I try to plan things in advance, even if it's just we'll go here for a walk and a picnic or roast on Sunday (not much else to plan atm!).

Making the effort to keep in contact with friends, remember their birthdays, initiate meet ups etc.

Having a evening skin care routine, takes 5 minutes and just makes me feel a bit better about myself.

Really hope you enjoy your mat leave OP. I would also say that when I felt totally drained and joyless before I think I was actually depressed, and if I felt like that again I would go see my GP as it was awful. I feel loads better now, but it has taken nearly a year for me to feel better, in hindsight maybe I should have got some professional help earlier. Sorry waffling on, but what I mean is don't be afraid to go and speak to someone if you feel you need it.

Thank you so much for the replies, I feel motivated already! @AlrightTreacle, I think what you said about planning in advance is going to be really important for me, we’re a bit ‘oh what shall we do today’ and often end up doing nothing or something meaningless like going to B and M for the sake of it which makes me feel like I’m browsing to fill a hole and then I feel even more joyless! Funnily enough I suffered with a major depressive episode about 8 years ago and although this doesn’t feel at all the same it still feels like life is on ‘neutral’ mode and there’s no real sense of purpose. I’m hoping once baby is here I’ll have a focus that’s outside of myself and will help.

You need this book: how to do everything and be happy by peter jones. It will tell you very clearly how to work out what is important to YOU and how to plan to get those things in your life. Honestly changed my life.

Maybe you could make a list of ideas of things to do, like places to go for a walk or for a coffee/lunch, write them out individually on a bit of paper, fold it up, and put it in a jam jar. Then the decision making for what to do today or tomorrow is literally stick your hand in the jar and grab a note.

Wow OP, you've had a difficult time of it lately . I hope this is the start of a happier and less stressful time.

Could you think of five small things you can do that give you joy or meaning? Here are some of mine:

• Put headphones in and go for a short walk.
• Go to bed early so you feel rested.
• Think back through your day and pick out highlights/anything positive that happened.
• Buy a food you love and don't typically eat.
• Really look forward to a hot drink in the morning.
• Tidy or organise a small space.

I know it sounds a bit twee, but I totally agree with AlrightTreacle s idea of finding something to appreciate about your life, every day. Whether you list things in your head as you get into bed at night, keep a journal, tell your dh some point during the evening, or make a note on your phone.
I think happy people are not people that live charmed lives, but people that look for the positives in any situation.
I find over and over again, that there is so often something good that arises from what looks to be a disaster.

Enjoy the little things -
The morning sunrise [if you're ever up early enough!]
The perfume of blossom drifting to you on the breeze
A rainbow
New buds and life on a tree
Toadstools hiding in the dewy grass
Misty autumn mornings

Appreciate nature and the ever changing seasons it brings. Man has no power over it and it just continues day after day. Awesome.
And it costs nothing.

These are great points. It explains 'mindfulness' brilliantly. I know it's very on trend, but there's something in it.
Early on, I used to practice it without knowing it existed!
Every day, just look forward to simple things. For me, it could be going for a walk, having a bath, really good book. It's about being mindful of the here and now, not worry about the past and future.
I am quite laid back by nature though. And try and see the positive, even if a situation looks so bleak.

I’m so pleased for you for your pregnancy! And an amazing positive attitude after a really difficult time 💐
I have a couple of things, I used to walk to work years ago and loved it! So now I’m wfh I’ve been going for a 20 min walk at the start and end of each working day, good to bookend the day and get some fresh air. I don’t take my phone, I like the switch off time.
Also, I’ve been taking a photo in the same place from my window throughout the year, looking back on the photos it’s a lovely story of the seasons.
This has really spurred me on to be more positive too, thank you! 😊

I plan things in advance so we always have something to look forward to. I m up to the end of the year already with plans for every weekend and school holiday. They may not go ahead due to the current situation but it’s nice to have plans. That was the hardest part of lockdown for me, no fun days out or holidays to look forward to.
I also never accept invitations for things I don’t want to do, life is too short!
I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well OP.

The simple things in life are the most rewarding.

Long walk, favourite mug with hot drink, de clutter, fresh sheets, fluffy towels.

Good books, yoga, mindfulness, decent nights sleep. Get up early when the world is quiet it's incredibly calming start to the day when the world is sleeping.

Learn to appreciate the free/ cheap / simple things in life.

Thank you for all your lovely suggestions I will definitely be revisiting this thread to try them out! I’ve deleted the Facebook and Instagram apps off my phone which I’m hoping will be a big help in not comparing everyone else’s highlight reel to my own life and I’m definitely going to try an early morning walk every day once baby is here (can’t at the mo due to loads of pelvic pain!) might also try my morning coffee in the garden if I wrap up a bit as the weather turns. Will plan a nice weekend away for my birthday in Nov assuming we will be allowed! Maybe I’ll get a diary to fill up with ideas, I’ve always dreamed of taking baby to little farms and family days out so if I plan for those that’s something to look forward to. I do live with the residual fear of losing this baby too and having all these loving plans would just worsen the pain when they can’t be done but I need to be positive and faithful that all will be well this time!

Find what always lifts your mood up no matter what, and try to have more of it in your life. For we that would start with simple things like:

• music, singing and dancing
• nature (walks, or even watching gardening programs on telly, or having a bunch of flowers in the house)
• filing and painting my nails!
• a framed photograph of good times with loved ones
• etc.

So sorry to hear about your awful year. Hugs.

For me the single best thing is ‘proper’ communication with friends and family - phone calls, garden meet ups and FaceTime, not learning about their lives (often none of it is true anyway) via Facebook.

I’ve also recently had a baby and have slobbed around in vile clothes which make me feel pretty bad about myself. I have rounded up all the horrible things and try to stick to a minimal wardrobe of things that don’t highlight my mum tum etc eg one dress, 4 vest tops and 4 normal tops, 2 jeans and some converse. That plus mascara and powder every day makes me feel human. I also love the tip I learned on here of hot water and lemon every am - has made me feel much better in myself.

Don't become a 1950s housewife on mat leave because you feel guilty for being at home. Far too many women do this and then when they go back to work the man thinks all he has to do is show up for work, lifework is women's work. Don't even go there.

I've not done this for a while due to unpredictable health but booking a load of theatre tickets at one - putting them on a pin board so you have something over the year, or over 6 months, obviously covid permitting.

You could apply this to things to do with your baby, as a family, visit to a zoo / park.

I read that someone on here made a family activity or going to a market, so on Saturday the family got up and went shopping together on the market and that evening made a nice meal.

I thought it was a great idea, great for the kids to be involved from as early as they can steal a grape from a stall, supports local businesses and makes the shopping fun rather than a drag round the supermarket.

If you are doing coffee in the garden get yourself a proper coffee cup and saucer or a special mug that you only use for your first coffee.

If you have room in your garden get a fruit tree. I have a pear tree, I love watching it blossom and then the flowers turning into fruit. The only problem is the amount of pears, last year I found a local group who feed the homeless (hot evening meal and a packed lunch for the next day) who took a load off me and were apparently well recieved.

Love these ideas! Especially a special mug for the garden and fresh flowers. There’s something about a thermos flask that makes me feel happy and flowers would be easy enough to pick up with the weekly shop. Also love pinning tickets for things up where I can see them to remind myself there’s lots to look forward to!

A regular nights sleep is the most valuable one I have found.

I bought myself a pretty little teacup and saucer and some posh teabags that I dont share with anyone else. Before I go to work in the morning, I have a tea and just take 15 minutes to enjoy myself doing only that.

Its relatively inexpensive but always makes me feel like I've started the day well.

Yes to the proper cup for your morning drink of choice! I have an ‘old lady cup’ I adore and have hot water with lemon every morning.
A proper skincare regime each morning & eve and do your pelvic floors or squats or stretch onto top toes whilst washing face.
Love the idea of cleaning worktop when boiling kettle.
Try to get outside each day, I must do this more, think I’ve become a little agoraphobic!
3 deep breaths every evening before you fall asleep.
Write little notes of what you’re happy or grateful for and add it to a jar. At new year open it and have a good read thru!
Good luck with everything OP.

Walk. Every day. If you can't do it outside, get a cheap treadmill. It helps with mood, headaches, energy, stamina, back pains, fitness, etc.

Pay attention to where you get your news from. If you're reading a shitty tabloid that paints the world in the worst way possible, it's going to impact you.

Read a chapter of a book a day. Always have one on the go.

Celebrate birthdays and holidays. Pancakes on pancake day. Decorate the house. Your own little traditions and twists will evolve naturally.

What a tough time OP, wishing you well with your pregnancy. When baby arrives, be ultra kind to yourself - taking joy means taking time and not piling expectation on yourself. Don’t worry about not getting out much in the first month. But then, make sure you go out every day after that for a good walk (aside from when it’s torrential / gale force etc). Breaks the day up, helps your MH and baby sleep. Also, make the most of afternoon naps with baby. I’ve cuddle mine as we have slept (using safe sleeping guidelines) from birth and they are some of the most joyous, wonderful moments which I’ll treasure for ever.

Oh and if your baby happens to be a pram-hater (one of mine was, real pain) then use a carrier or switch to the seat at the earliest opportunity.

I also second the thermos flask and book ideas - both things that brought me huge joy each day when my babies were small x

It is very difficult in these times to stay positive. You know all the things you SHOULD do, but finding the motivation to do them is another matter.
However listing the positives is good and does help.
Mine from today are:
I planted some bulbs which will flower next spring and look lovely
DS has gone out to meet his friends from the first time since Covid
I am burning Frankincense resin in my burner, a scent I adore
The fairy lights are lit