For not wanting unsolicited advice

[GeekyGirl42]

Dating a guy. He frequently offers unsolicited advice. Here's an example

I live in Cambridge and I've just had a promotion, so I'll have to travel to London once or twice a month. It's a 1hr 40m train journey, but door to door, so I was telling him about this and I said "you know, it's not too bad because I can grab some me time on the train"

He then wondered why I didn't drive. I said that's mad - you don't drive to work in South Bank (he lived in London so he should know this.) He then started questioning why the train is so long. I said London & Cambridge aren't close, and I'm going south of river so it didn't seem to bad. He then said "you know what you should do? But a laptop like mine and then check your emails on the train"

I said I didn't need to do that, because I already have a laptop and I don't need to work on the train. I might have been getting mildley irritated.

He got really annoyed. I asked him what his problem is - its not like I was asking him for any advice, and even if I were, he shouldn't be offended if I don't want to take it.

He ended our call. I've messaged him to say the unsolicited advice is not the issue, it's the getting so offended when I don't want it.

AIBU?

Good for you OP. People like this drive me mad. And not a great sign if he is like this so early in the relationship too.

Oh, messages are "I can't understand why you don't answer your phone when on a play date at a friends house with your daughter. If I'm your boyfriend, I should he able to call you whenever. What are you hiding?"

Didn't need to get my Freedom Program notes out to weigh up that statement!!

@midnightstar66

Hmm from the outside it could seem like he was just trying to be helpful but my ex was one of these and was relentless with it so I know what you mean. It was one of the reasons I ended it as it really started to grate on me. He wasn't controlling just so self important that his ideas had to be shared. I remover he got asked by a neighbour to do some painting for them but when he went round he started giving all kinds of decorating advice rather than just painting the room as asked and couldn't understand when suddenly she did t want it done anymore. I'd keep a close eye one it OP

Oh my gosh, midnight. Am I bad person for thinking the thing with the neighbor is almost funny?

Well done op keep him blocked he's an idiot you deserve better

He would get on my nerves. He ended the call let him go OP.

Wow sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape from him. To answer your OP more generally, yanbu. I hate unsolicited advice, especially when it’s pushy and persistent.

To echo Redcarbluecar it really does sound like you've had a lucky escape. He's getting on like this after 8 weeks? Can you imagine what he'd be like after 8 months or years? No way!

@GeekyGirl42

Oh, messages are "I can't understand why you don't answer your phone when on a play date at a friends house with your daughter. If I'm your boyfriend, I should he able to call you whenever. What are you hiding?"

Didn't need to get my Freedom Program notes out to weigh up that statement!!

Bloody love it!!! You go girl!!!! I love hearing how previously abused people learn their boundaries!!

Love it! Love it!!

Knowing your worth is one of the best lessons you can teach your daughter!!!

You are very well rid. Don't ever communicate with him again. Don't even listen to any voicemails. If he shows up at your door, don't open it. He was a disaster in the making.

I cut that short and said if he wanted to talk it out he'd need to still be dating me

Is it ok to laugh at that! Bloody marvelous!!

I'm amazed that such plonkers can get by in life.

@GeekyGirl42

Ended up having to turn phone off last night because he was still messaging and calling at 1am.

He called me this morning to dump me. And also tell me a big long list of what I've done wrong. I cut that short and said if he wanted to talk it out he'd need to still be dating me. But he isn't so there's no point to going over things like this.

Have now removed from Facebook and blocked his number. Got several voicemails now so I think he's back tracking.

Going to forget him and spend the day taking my daughter out for school supplies and get ready for our little trip away to the seaside.

Very well done OP! You really don't want someone so controlling in your life nor, more importantly, in your daughter's life. Onwards and upwards! 🌹

I always prefix a rant/moan/observation with "I don't need a solution, I need to listen, sympathise and nothing more".

If I'm looking for advice I'll phrase it as a question. We had a discussion about it and came up with the above.

DH couldn't see the difference, which I appreciate as he likes to 'solve' things (not always his own, I might add!!) so I give hime the prompt to know how to respond.

It's no longer an issue.

Ah yes. Tried that. "I know you are trying to show me how much you care with this advice, but I really don't like getting advice I haven't asked for"

(usually not that sensitive but when he gives it he repeats and repeats it and gets upset if you don't finally give in and thank him)

Did not go well

Brilliant reactions OP! You’ve refused to let it be your problem.
You sound fantastic. Congratulations on the promotion!

Read this thread this morning so apologies if it has moved on loads but I couldn't help thinking of your dilemma as my day progressed OP.
I hear you. I am in a hotel room at the end of my tether after spending 2 days with a DSIS that always knows better about everything, no matter what the subject is.
Whatever you say she has to somehow exert her superior opinion. She's driving me nuts. I couldn't handle a partner being like that.
It's not at all unreasonable for you to want to discuss your day without the other person telling you how it should be or what you need to do. Put your foot down. Explain how much it annoys you in the kindest way you can find. Good luck.