AIBU to think my family are being selfish?

[Burrit]

I have a 5 month old born a week before lockdown, my family have seen him briefly a couple of times at a 2 metre distance, however they have been complaining to my mum that they haven’t seen him properly or held him yet, my mum is pressuring me to let my family see and hold him, I have agreed they are welcome to come round as long as they wear masks and keep a distance from him but I’m not comfortable with them holding him yet, my mums then told me they’ve decided not to bother because there’s no point if they can’t hold him, they are all very into conspiracy Theories and think covid isn’t real, I’ve explained to them that it’s not a chance I’m willing to take for the safety of my child but they’re saying I’m being overly cautious and am Being stupid, leading some members of the family to fall out with me over it, bear in mind because they don’t believe it’s real non of them have been socially distancing or wearing masks, aibu to think they are being extremely selfish and it’s unfair that they are pressuring me to doing something I’m not comfortable with?

Yes I d say they re being selfish, I would wonder if they don't believe in covid whether they don't believe in other things like vaccines either which isn't ideal when baby won't have had all of theirs yet.

Ultimately this is your choice and it’s up to you to decide where the boundary is.

It may, however, comfort you to know that research done by the university of Edinburgh has shown that not one healthy child has died of Covid. Those who very sadly did lose their lives had previously existing, severe conditions which causes complications. Therefore if your child has no pre-existing conditions, you can be very confident that the risk to them from Covid is very low.

I would ignore and block them. They are being selfish and trying to pressure you. If anyone wants to fall out with you over this I would let them and ignore them

You are your child's advocate so if you truly believe there is a risk and are concerned about other people holding him, they should respect this.

Having said this, we have been letting close family hold & closely interact with our 9 month old throughout as we think the risk is negligible and it is important for them to bond and him to socialise.

It's a decision only you and your partner can make.

We have been allowing close family ie my mum and dad my best friend and my partners mum, dad and sister to hold him it’s my cousins aunties uncles etc who are complaining about this, I just feel like if he was to get poorly and we didn’t do everything possible to stop it from happening I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. He was premature too so we are a little over protective of him as it is

So you’ve said no to holding him and they’ve said they won’t bother visiting then, which is absolutely their right to decide.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

And they’ll know that you’re letting your ‘mum and dad my best friend and my partners mum, dad and sister to hold him’ so you’re not exactly shielding him.

You're not exactly shielding him you are picking and choosing who it suits you to have contact with.

You realise covid will be with us for along time - are you going to keep this up for years???? Presumably he will be going to childcare once you finish maternity leave maybe even in the next few months and will be around lots of people/kids you don't know

I find it sad that they don’t see the point in coming if they don’t get to hold him. I’ve got a 6 month old and we’ve been seeing people but not everyone is holding him; that’s not just about covid as I have always disliked this thing about passing babies around and them being held by loads of different people. Babies don’t need it and i don’t really see why it’s necessary.

YANBU. Your baby, your choice. Mine are older but if I had a baby during this I would be extremely cautious too particularly if said family members aren't taking it seriously.

Why are you comfortable with your best friend holding him but not your aunt?

No but as far as I was aware you are allowed a social bubble re government guidelines, my parents and partners parents have been social distancing and wearing masks when out however the rest of my family haven’t which is why I am being more cautious with them as A pose to immediate family, my mum is supposed to be having him when I finish maternity leave and go back to work

You do what you think is best for your baby. It doesn't matter what they think. They are just thinking of themselves

"my parents and partners parents have been social distancing and wearing masks when out however the rest of my family haven’t"

Ok, you are not treating them differently - they are behaving differently

Your baby is at v low risk, but it's your choice
They should respect your views and stop pressuring you to do things you are not happy about

@LovingLola because my friend has been following guidelines regarding wearing masks and social distancing and my aunt hasn’t

For the people asking why OP is letting some people hold him but not others - presumably the ones who have been holding him are actually taking everything seriously regarding social distancing, hand hygiene etc but because the others don't believe it exists, they've been going about as normal.

OP I completely understand, I'd be the same, my DD was also premature and I would not have liked to have gone through that with covid-19 on the go, it was stressful enough as it was!

research done by the university of Edinburgh has shown that not one healthy child has died of Covid.

It was my understanding that they looked at two thirds of the group of children who have sadly passed away.

Your family sound like dicks who clearly aren't that interested in your son. They don't want to see him - otherwise they would. They want to make a passive aggressive conspiracy theory protest on their terms only.
Sod that

I wouldn't let anyone who didn't believe Covid exists to touch my child, as I'd know they hadn't been careful throughout.

I am due in December and my DH and I have agreed that if things are still the same then we will let immediate family only have cuddles to try and minimise the risk. It makes me sad that people might choose not to come round because of this decision, I was always under the deluded idea that they might want to see how we’re doing and see if we needed help rather than just to get a cuddle with a baby. I guess time will tell!

If you’re in England you’ve not followed guidance anyway so I can understand some family members questioning why it’s ok for your mate and parents but not them.

If you were following all of the guidelines you would have been in a stronger position. I can understand them not wanting to visit and look from a distance. For some people it’s harder to see family and not be able to hug them then to not see them at all.

No, it’s your baby and your choice.

Would they be willing to self isolate for a period before visiting?

You sound over dramatic.

Whether I agree with you or think you're being overly cautious is besides the point here really, it's your baby and ultimately as his mother you have to do what you feel comfortable with so yes they are BU to not respect your wishes around him

You can only form a bubble with one single person household. So if your mum lives alone you can form a bubble with her for example, but no one else. You are then treated as one household and if one develops symptoms, you all isolate.
You can’t form social bubbles with a variety of different people from different households of your choosing.

That’s fine and that’s their choice but I feel like to fall out with me over it is unfair; thanks everyone