AIBU - visit elderly Father & break law or miss my chance?

[ilovedad54321]

Name changed though I am a regular poster. I live in one of the countries where visitors to the UK must now self-isolate for 14 days. In a few weeks' time, I was due to visit my father for a long weekend. It was going to be a distanced visit and I was going to stay at a airbnb, driving between there and my parents'. Definitely not visiting any pubs or shops etc.

My Father has been incredibly sick over the last 18 months. He has been in hospital for 10 months but is now being cared for 24/7 by my mum. He has many serious health problems and has had 5 emergency admissions to hospital in recent months. Obviously, him catching Covid would not have a good outcome.

Before Covid-19 I visited my parents every three weeks for 5 days (changing my work and child care arrangements) to help support them. I currently phone them every day for around an hour to support them. It's a difficult and heartbreaking situation for all.

I am gutted that my country was added to the UK's quarantine list. Apparently airbnb places are not approved locations for self-quarantine and I might not be there if the police check. This would risk a fine (and possible criminal record?). I wonder what would happen if things went wrong - like if I fell ill for example.

My choices are:

1. Not visit them - high risk of not seeing my father again.
2. Visit and go ahead with original plan even though it's breaking the law
3. Visit and stay within the law which would mean staying with them (I could stay in a part of the house with its own bathroom. This puts them at a higher risk of Covid though. My least favourite option.
4. Another option?

Any thoughts from wise mumsnetters? WWYD? How on earth do I decide?

@cologne4711 - yes, I have two weeks now but our rates are increasing so unlikely.

@rorosemary I know these are unusual times and I would hope not to feel guilty; these are such weird times we are living in. Last year, when dad fell sick, I went out 15 times and did everything possible to help. I still do.

@Noloudnoises I thought about this and I could also do a test here before flying too. Less chance of a false negative but it's still possible.

Going carries risk but increasingly my parents take risks to see people. Otherwise, they say they are depressed and that life is anyway not worth living.

Whatever your decision remember that your memories as a family and your relationship with your father do not come down to one last visit.

How does your mum feel about it?

@Malteserdiet Did not know that. I am not in France. But once I am back, I thought that would be all done. I will have to check.

I'd stay at their house and be quarantined there. Unlike the air bnb, this is legal as long as you stay 2m from them etc and therefore, you wont get fined. However I don't know if you would be able to leave again to go home or would have to stay here for 14 days which might be impossible.

Honestly, if it were my family, I would not stay 2m from them at home but instead would be super careful for a couple of weeks before leaving your home country, wear PPE on the plane (or ideally go by car) and generally minimize my risk of bringing it with me. I suppose you could also ask your parents to self isolate for 14 days once you are there just to absolve yourself of any possible risk of infecting anyone else.
I would do this because if it might be the last time I saw my parent, I would want to give them a hug. What do your parents want you to do?

Lots of us haven't been able to see loved ones during lockdown - there is a very good reason for this!

@ilovedad54321
Sorry OP, I may not have been totally clear. I didn’t mean you might need to quarantine again in your own country after a potential 14 days in the UK already. I have seen on the British Embassy FB page in France that if you need to travel to the UK for a short period like 5 days then you don’t need to quarantine for the full 14 days in the UK. You can return back to your country and complete the remainder of the 14 days at home. Perhaps that would be possible if you can work from home?

@Noloudnoises

The test results are pretty much next day. Can you arrive, test, isolate for a couple of days and then once you get a negative test, go see them. That's what I would do. It's rough not having a chance to say goodbye. I know from recent experience.

That is a ridiculous idea. A negative test doesn't mean she doesn't have it, testing doesn't remove the need to quarantine.

I’m confused, you can do a hotel for self quarantine so why not just stay at a hotel?

@Chocowally
"Whatever your decision remember that your memories as a family and your relationship with your father do not come down to one last visit."

I find this very comforting - thank you! and you are right. A last visit might not be easy or even that enjoyable anyway.

@StraffeHendrik
Yes, it would be odd not hugging - but maybe better than no visit.

@Skysblue I didn't know that. At a hotel you are mixing with others - have to go to the restaurant etc so seems odd.

Lots of people have asked about my parents. My dad would LOVE to see me, without a doubt! With his mental capacity now he probably can't fully balance all the issues. I need to talk to my mother again and we both need more time to think about it.

Thank you for your help everyone.

@Chocowally
"Whatever your decision remember that your memories as a family and your relationship with your father do not come down to one last visit."

I find this very comforting - thank you! and you are right. A last visit might not be easy or even that enjoyable anyway.

@StraffeHendrik
Yes, it would be odd not hugging - but maybe better than no visit.

@Skysblue I didn't know that. At a hotel you are mixing with others - have to go to the restaurant etc so seems odd.

Lots of people have asked about my parents. My dad would LOVE to see me, without a doubt! With his mental capacity now he probably can't fully balance all the issues. I need to talk to my mother again and we both need more time to think about it.

Thank you for your help everyone.