To think neighbours should have some kind of respect regarding noise especially when you have children?

[Imacompleteidiot]

Moved into a house beginning of the year, the houses are in pairs so we are the only house joined to this neighbour but the rest of the houses are in close proximity so it can't only be us who hears the noise.
Neighbour lives alone and has been friendly, speaks when we see each other etc. But every evening about 9-10pm he puts on music that is easily heard even with our tv on and when we go up to bed and our house is silent it's a struggle to get to sleep listening to it. He turns it off around midnight most nights.
Then if it isnt music he has a tv in the garden and surround sound so when he is watching a film we can hear it over our tv and we dont sit watching our tv quietly.
On a couple of occasions mid-week he has had people round and played music in the garden at the volume i would say similar to the music you would hear in the pub, these incidents have happened while it was hot and we had to have the windows open so it was near impossible to sleep and went on till gone midnight.
I have 2 DC and luckily younger DC hasnt seemed to be bothered too much although its hard to tell as they still wake regularly anyway, older DC hears it as their room is at the back of the house too. The other side to me have a young child and the other side to noisy neighbour have kids too.
AIBU to think he's abit of a a**hole?? I'm not saying he shouldnt be free to listen to music/watch his tv loudly but this is every single night and until midnight at least. Me and DP work and don't stay up late and having a mid-week rave in the garden next to us is just not on.

Have you spoken to him about it? If not, a conversation would be a good starting point

Have you spoken to him about it?

If you have and he won't stop then it's Environmental Health at your Council.

You could ask him to turn it down a notch or two, but he may be hard of hearing and this is why its so loud.

Sounds like it bothers you more than the children, and he really doesn't need to consider them at all. But if you are finding it annoying, you need to ask, politely, if he could perhaps reduce the volume a little.

You've missed quite and important part of your OP out and that's how many times you've spoken to him about the issue?

Talk to him about it. He is probably unaware that it’s disturbing you.

I think it totally depends. A midweek garden rave? Unreasonable. Having a few friends round on a nice night with background music? Not unreasonable.

Although I can see how it could be a bit irritating, that's life with neighbours I'm afraid. I hear my neighbours at time, and I expect they must be able to hear my DS having tantrums/watching tv/singing nursery rhymes etc and don't exactly love that either.

Also depends how thick your walls are. This house is quite good. A flat I lived in previously, the walls were like paper and I could hear my neighbour sneeze/opening wardrobes etc In the nicest way, unless they're being really loud and over the top, you can't expect an attached neighbour to alter their routine because it doesn't fit in with yours.

Id be going round and telling him my dc can’t sleep. I hate neighbour noise, it would drive me crazy.

Have you even mentioned it to him? If not, YABU. He’s not a mindreader.

Bear in mind that neighbour relationships require give and take; think about the noise all your children make.

Have you raised it with him? He might not even realise this is an issue.

You know he may not be aware of how much you can hear it? Or it's a payback for early wake ups? Or he is just a dickhead? Or he has hearing issues? Or he is an alien who came here to annoy human kind?

Millions of possibilities. Only way how to know which one it is to talk to him.

And considering there are kids around, I assume there is plenty of noise anyway though.

You've got to speak to him. Try and be as diplomatic as you can, even though he is being a selfish arse. I would assume he's not hard of hearing if you have regular conversations with him outside the house?

Brace yourself for the fact that he's not going to be understanding about this. I don't understand how anyone could fail to see that playing loud music and tv in the house and garden might not be disturbing to others. But then people like him are usually selfish arses.

He probably thinks it doesn’t bother you if you haven’t said anything to him

Nothing to do with children

neighbours should have some kind of respect regarding noise full stop.

It's obvious you are being a twat when you make noise, so he knows, but you could ask him very gently to turn it down, as maybe he is pushing to see what he can get away with.

It doesn't matter if you have children or not, you are entitled to live in peace. However, no one can prevent children from playing very loudly in the garden at dawn every time a neighbour is antisocial in the evening. Loud gardening can be frown upon, noisy kid is something you can get away with! He's the one who will suffer.

@heartsonacake children playing and crying isn't counted as a statutory nuisance there as loud music particularly at certain times of the day is. This is why neighbours tend to report you to SS if your children are screaming and crying all the time.

OP go around after work if he is in, and explain politely that he was playing music loudly after 11pm and that it was keeping you all awake. It is best to complain about neighbours behaviour when you are calm.

@heartsonacake

Have you even mentioned it to him? If not, YABU. He’s not a mindreader.

Bear in mind that neighbour relationships require give and take; think about the noise all your children make.

what noise? Why do you assume children MUST be noisy? My kids are not noisier indoors (or in gardens) than any adult, we don't encourage them to scream, shout and stomp all day long.

It all depends on the volume, I can hear next doors tv, but wouldn't dream of complaining. As long as the tv/music is below the statutory limit then you can't complain - be careful if you do after all he might have issues with your dc loudly playing in the garden especially before 10am.

Music seems to annoy people more than TVs I've noticed here even at the same volume. The garden tv is unusual but all comes down to exactly how loud. I would speak with him and mention it's quite loud in your house but he prepared to be countered with how loud your kids are (all kids are far louder than their parents realise, I think we learn to screen out the sound!)

Why on earth have you not talked to him about it?

I know the logical thing is to speak to him about it, I've asked DP to a couple of times when we've been sitting here at near midnight hoping he turns it off but he always says yeah he'll do it next time. I'm not very good with confrontation.
Neighbour has facetimed alot in the garden over lockdown and does shout when he talks so perhaps he is also hard of hearing and doesnt realise (he's 50ish I would say) windows closed I can tell you several conversations he has had as he is that loud.
My DC are not noisy at all and that's not me looking through rose tinted glasses lol. My eldest is a teen and spends the day in his room gaming quiet as a mouse and younger DC may wake in the night but doesnt scream the house down and I wouldn't let them be intentionally noisy inside or outside early in the mornings.
If I've got consideration to keep noise down for neighbours the very least he could do the same.

NEWSFLASH

Nobody (except nutjobs) likes, enjoys or is very good at confrontation. But needs must.

If he doesn’t know it’s bothering you, he doesn’t know to adjust his volume. Go and have a chat with him.

Talking to someone isn't a confrontation. Telling someone "Sorry, but can you please lower the volume? The walls are bit crap" isn't a confrontation.

"Mate, the fuck you think you are, fucking about with loud music lile that. Will smash that speakers next" is a confrontation.

I would be gutted that my TV was keeping people awake and if asked would turn down straight away. Have a chst with him see what he says.

Yes neighbours should keep the noise down (at all times in my view, as people could be working shifts etc) but I find the kids make the most noise! Where I live there are neighbours with little girls (under 6 years old at a guess) and they run around shrieking, sometimes very late at night.

Talk to him.

Whether you have children or not is irrelevant.

@Casschops

I would be gutted that my TV was keeping people awake and if asked would turn down straight away. Have a chst with him see what he says.

I doubt someone who has a tv in their garden and surround sound system is going to be gutted their tv keeps people awake

Good luck op.
This is my nightmare. Living near such selfish twats.

You don't (at this stage) need to "be good at confrontation".
You need to say, when you are chatting, "I'm not sure if you are aware that the music you play every evening, comes through the wall into our house quite loudly? Is there any way you could turn it down a bit, or listen on the non-joining part of the house, or something as we tend to go to bed at 11 and find it quite hard to sleep?"
You've said he is pleasant and friendly, so he probably isn't even aware.

That said, there is always going to be noise through a party wall. It always strikes me when I go to a meeting regularly at a friend's house, and we don't have any music or TV on, that we can then hear next door through the wall. They aren't doing anything noisy, but it is just an internal wall. It's why detached houses go for such a premium.