To be cross on behalf of my parents ?

[fedupwasherwoman]

Background to situation.

SIL only has one brother who lives miles and miles away but he and his wife and 2 kids visit often, about once a month, combining it with a trip to his parents for the weekend as they live nearby.

my nephew's birthday was last week but the birthday party is organised for this Saturday because SIL's brother +wife and kids couldn't make it on the weekend of the birthday.

My parents are quite busy people for retired types but naturally blocked out the birthday weekend in their diary almost as far back as January. They took the news that the party was being delayed for SIL's brother's benefit well and apologised that they had a serious prior commitment that day which meant they wouldn't be able to attend the actual party. All was fine, no-one felt put-out or offended.

Now SIL's brother has apparently said that one of his kids has been invited to a friends party and they don't want to refuse for some reason, so none of them will be coming down to the party which was delayed for their own benefit to start with. Other people are invited which means the party date simply can't be changed again for their benefit.

I was brought to understand that once you've accepted an invite you don't throw it over if you get a better offer, let alone if the original party has already been delayed specifically so that you can attend it.

My mother is annoyed but being a tactful MIL she is keeping her thoughts to herself at the moment but does anyone else think this is spectacularly rude behaviour by these people. (I have met them several times and they seem polite and keen on manners etc) They live in a world of housekeepers, expensive handbags and second homes but it appears that money can't buy you good manners. Or is it just that some people are more important than others after all ?

Obviously we don't know the full details but would have thought that normally a family party should take precedence over a friend's - especially when the cousins seem close...

It just riles me that the whole party was delayed for their benefit to start with meaning that my nephew's own grandparents couldn't attend. The lesson they seem to be happy for their child to learn is that some people are more important than others, don't worry about people's feelings, it's O.K. to just to do what you prefer to do.

All i know is, if my bil and sil invited us to our niece's party, it would take precedence over all other invites - most esp those which came in afterwards .
So, imo, YA most certainly NBU

I completely agree with you. If they accepted the invite they should come regardless of who else has invited them to a party. Also does this mean that your mum can't come because the date was changed? I think cousins are important, they can also see friends at any time and most children probably see their friends more often than their cousins. Most party invites go out well in advance, so people can organise their diaries. The fact that they have allowed the original date to be changed and now are not coming is rude.

cat64,

the date of the party was delayed specifically because the brother's family couldn't make the original date so they most certainly accepted as they knew the date was delayed for their convenience. The fact that they phoned up to say "oh we won't be coming after all" indicates that they knew they had accepted, otherwise there would be no need to cancel would there ?

The kids we are talking about are all under 7/8.

They asked for the original date to be delayed so that they could attend.

YANBU - I'd be really cross.

I've re-read your post cat64 and do see what you mean about as kids get older.. their friends are really important to them and no doubt they'll go back to school on Monday and it wouold have been upsetting to possibly hear some other kids talking about the party they went to at the weekend if their parents make them stick with the plans that were made a month ago.

I just think that part of being a parent is to broach the unpleasant facts of life and teach kids about this stuff though and to cuddle them close and explain that although Johnny's party invite is exciting/tempting they can't go because they've already booked to go to another party for their cousin, to deal with their reaction and try and help them with it rather than pander to it.

Why was the in -law more important than the child in the first instance - if the childs birthday is on x date then that is the childs birthday you don't move it to suit someone else, as it is the birthday child that is important on this day not the in -law.

I feel sorry for the child in all this - better to have birthday and party all together as it is the childs day after all.

The in-law has always been more important, the SIL and her brother are quite close but our side of the family just accept that. Its nice in a way to be so close to your sibling that they travel a long way once a month to have your respective families meet up.

It's the "oh we got a better offer" syndrome that's galling as mum will be missing her nephew's party all baecuse the party was delayed to accomodate the in-law to start with.

plain bad manners IMO to accept another offer when the party date was changed to accomadate them and a bad example to set the children