Experiences of having a baby 43/44/45

[84wood]

Hello

I have posted before about having a baby in your early/mid 40s. I just can’t decide whether to go for it. If you have had a baby at that age, please can you share your experiences both good and bad if you feel able.

Thanks so much.

Had unplanned third baby aged 42 almost 43. He’s a delight, cheeky funny and adorable. There is a gap of 6 years between him and next sibling so that helped. However he has global development delay, delayed speech, can’t chew so mashed foods only and still not toilet trained at nearly 4. This has had a huge impact on our finances as I cannot really work due to his high needs. Also I’m much more tired than I was with his siblings who are close in age but I was younger when they were small.

My mum was about 40 when she had me. It's probably not what you want to hear but I think it is too old. She had difficulty relating to me growing up and although being physically fit she seemed to struggle having me as a teenager when she was over 50. She wanted me to leave home as early as possible and I think maybe her age or menopause had something to do with that. Could you adopt or foster instead ? I know it's not quite the same but I do think thats a better idea especially as children to older mothers can have disabilities.

Had a surprise baby at 45. Older child was 10 and has been great with him. He's now 1. I've found it slightly easier as I've worried about stuff less. I've got enough energy so far.
It's going to be strange doing school runs with parents 20years younger but i'll deal with that when it comes! (Hopefully with a good neck cream). Financially there will be no spare money around for a while ( 4 days a week childcare will be around £1k) and I may have stalled my career again but I will be looking for promotions and extra responsibilities in the next few years.
I don't regret it at all.

I had my first child this year when I'd just turned 43. Pregnancy was uneventful and birth was csection but not traumatic. So far it's been absolutely fine yes I am tired (isn't everyone with a 5 month old!) but actually my years of clubbing have paid off in that I've had plenty of practice being up half the night and the feeling of exhaustion the following day is not new to me! I am also in a considerably better place financially and in my career than even 10 years ago so feel much more able to give him the best start possible. I am not concerned about being in my 50s when he is a teenager I don't think you hit 50 and suddenly get a purple rinse and a twin set! I am pretty active both fitness and socially and don't see any reason for this to change.

Thanks for the responses. Both having negative issues.

Wilberforce- did anything show up in the scans/tests when you were pregnant? I’m guessing not. That really worries me.

Thank you for sharing.

Thank you Gold. Very good to know. We already have a DC who is very advanced and healthy. But we are debating a second. Very tough decision for us.

My mum had me at 43. I have older siblings so wasn't an issue growing up. The main issue is that she didn't take care of her health and so died earlier than she should have.

I had my daughter at 43. She is healthy and has no developmental problems in fact she started to speak early. My main issue is due to lockdown I'm not doing as much exercise as I should be doing as I know my family's medical history.

Nothing showed up on the scans as his issues are neurological rather than physiological.

I had my youngest at 42, after a gap of 15 years, she will be 21 next month.
The early years were great, I had more patience, more time and more money than when my older children were small.
I enjoyed all her childhood and she "kept me young".
However having a teenager in your late 50's is not fun !

No personal experience OP but this thread a few days ago might be relevant.
@

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4003873-To-ask-if-you-regret-not-having-a-last-chance-baby

I’m 42 hubby 47. Unplanned pregnancy, first time having unprotected sex.
Completely uneventful pregnancy.

We’ve had no issues, apart from the initial shock haha!

I had to have a c section as she was breech. I exercised up until month 9, basically got too big and was very tired.

We are both fairly fit, before pregnancy I was doing about 4 spin classes a week. Hubby does the gym and we have a Labrador who I walk.

A work colleague had another child at 41 using IVF. Normal pregnancy/birth and child is now 5 no issues.

Had my surprise baby at 41 - almost 42. Pregnancy and birth were the easiest of the 3 but my blood pressure went sky high after birth so had to stay in hospital 5 days while it stabilised. She’s almost 2 now and the only thing different to my other 2 is I was alot more tired in the newborn stage. Seems much easier in your 20’s!

My mum was 38 when she had me so not quite as old but 38 38 years ago was 'older' than it is now. Didnt affect me adversely at all, although she does say it was a bit odd for her on school runs with mums the same age as my older sister.

@84wood I think your the poster who posted about a hard IVF struggle and you have to decide in a few months if you should try again with your last frozen egg? If you are the same poster I say go for it!! I know loads of women (maybe 4 in my immediate family) who have had kids post 40 and it’s been fine.

Thank you all for commenting. It is so appreciated.

I had my first DC at nearly 39. Fell pregnant in the first month of trying, straightforward pregnancy and elected c section birth. I’m biased but my DC is gorgeous and very healthy.

I’ve been very lucky since I had her as my relationship is strong, made a very successful career change and am very happy. But I feel I’m missing a second and I can’t decide whether to try.

So I was asking for personal experiences to try and firm up my decision. The research though is clear that conceiving and carrying a healthy baby is tricky.