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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you deal with bragging AIBU to just listen and smile politely? ...

65 replies

braggingprick · 27/08/2020 19:32

My BIL is a bragger.

He is constantly bragging about what he has, what he wants and what he’s going to get.

He is not a very nice person and I’ve never really liked him but neither do lots of people within our family due to the bragging.

He will persistently brag about things he knows the person he’s speaking too cannot afford, therefore, leaving them feeling like utter shit.

When he does it to me... which is a lot... I always just chat along politely about what he’s bragging about and pretend I’m interested. Then afterwards am left feeling like a total loser.

Examples: My nephew has the academic ability to have a private secondary education. His current school have strongly advised it. They can’t afford it. With or without a bursery. Now every time he sees them he talks about private schools for his daughter and how it’s so cheap etc etc

It’s almost like he gets pleasure of affording things no one else within the family can.

With me, it’s housing, we can’t afford to move, we need to move as space is an issue. He doesn’t need to move, but is pretending he wants too so he can talk to me about all these houses which he knows we could never ever afford. We couldn’t even afford his current home. When he does this I chat back nicely and politely and smile and nod in all the right places.

AIBU to think that actually, next time I should call him out on this and explain how much of a shitty loser he makes me feel?

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 27/08/2020 19:34

I don't. As soon as it starts I excuse myself and walk off.

DrManhattan · 27/08/2020 19:38

I wouldn't waste your time on him. He won't get it. He probably thinks he's just making conversation. Or he is really mean and not worth your time anyways.
I just don't talk to people like that. AVOID AVOID AVOID.

ShebaShimmyShake · 27/08/2020 19:40

Don't tell him he's making you feel bad, that's what a bragger wants. Ask him why he is, for example, going on about private education in front of X when he knows she can't afford it, or why he's telling you about all his houses when he knows they're out of your reach. If he accuses you of jealousy, ask him why he appears to be trying to prompt that in you.

Original poster
braggingprick · 27/08/2020 19:42

I’m certain he does it on purpose. He enjoys bragging and making himself seem better than the rest of us. Everything he has/does is better. Even his bloody dog!

OP posts:
Original poster
braggingprick · 27/08/2020 19:43

@ShebaShimmyShake I love this! I think that’s a really great thing to say as a reply.

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SmellsLikeFeet · 27/08/2020 19:43

He sounds very insecure
Id say something

Sparklesocks · 27/08/2020 19:45

It sounds like he’s quite insecure, secure/confident and happy people don’t feel the need to constantly bang on about their money and purchases.

The best thing to do is to change the subject or not engage but I know it’s easier said than done. Or you could make a joke and say something like ‘oh John you’re always bragging about that! Change the record’ but in a breezy/lighthearted tone.

Ohtherewearethen · 27/08/2020 19:46

Next time he does it, start giggling and say, 'I saw this on YouTube the other day and it really reminded me of you!' Then show him a clip of Harry Enfield's 'we're considerable richer than you' sketch. Obnoxious prick.

Original poster
braggingprick · 27/08/2020 19:49

I wouldn’t even explain my feeling as jealous, He’s successful and works hard, good on him. I feel more disappointed and upset that he would continually talk to me about, for example, houses, when he knows even half of what he can afford is unrealistic for us. What he has already is unobtainable let alone what he’s pretending he’s going to have. It’s in front of our children too and you can see that his daughter is starting to get the same level of pleasure out of having “more” than her cousins.

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ArtemisBean · 27/08/2020 19:50

God, I had a 'friend' like this at school. She was a nightmare. It was completely obvious that she only targeted me because I was poorer than everyone else and she got a kick out of lording it over me. It was pointless calling her out on it because she'd deny everything and make me out to be jealous. Manipulative little cow. It made me feel awful for a couple of years until I realized just how pathetic it was of her, and from that point I was completely desensitized to it. She became the joke, not me! Sad little people with sad little lives and zero personality. Rise above. And go LC. You don't need that kind of thing in your life.

Original poster
braggingprick · 27/08/2020 19:50

@Ohtherewearethen Yes!!! Grin

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Original poster
braggingprick · 27/08/2020 19:53

@ArtemisBean I’m sorry that happened to you. And you are right!

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TorkTorkBam · 27/08/2020 19:55

I go full Yorkshireman.

A cardboard box! Luxury!

Have fun with going on about how the state school doesn't even have a roof or books and your new house will be a shack in a swamp.

Taking the piss out of the pompous is the best. It is the British way.

IlovecatsyesIdo · 27/08/2020 19:57

If I were you I would start calling him out on it every time to try and embarrass him. But the chances are he is totally beyond embarrassment if he thinks this is an acceptable way to behave. It is a real shame his children are now displaying the same trait.
I really wouldn’t want to spend any time with someone like this, more than anything it would bore me to tears. I just couldn’t listen to this on a regular basis. Doesn’t he have anything else he can make conversation about? Have you tried changing the subject every time he goes on one of his bragging sessions?

Ohtherewearethen · 27/08/2020 20:03

I think, ultimately, it highlights something lacking in his life rather than yours. I mean, who is he actually going to impress with this kind of nonsense? Monied friends, if he has any, would find him vulgar and crass and a complete embarrassment. 'Regular folk' would find him vulgar, crass and obnoxious with a hint of sneery arsehole. He is literally impressing no one but is making a complete arse of himself. Do not let someone like this make you feel bad. Would you swap what you have to be him?!

katy1213 · 27/08/2020 20:03

Wait till he'd doing it in front of other people and take the piss in a way that makes him look foolish.
But wha are you spending so much time with him?

TenDays · 27/08/2020 20:03

Maybe try ignoring him and starting a different conversation with someone else in the room. I've done this when a relation starts their spiel about immigrants/foreign cars/devil dogs etc. Very rude indeed but satisfying.

Jaxhog · 27/08/2020 20:04

Don't call him out. Braggers are looking for a reaction, so don't give him that satisfaction. Next time, just roll your eyes, shake your head sadly and think to yourself 'what a sad prat'.

Original poster
braggingprick · 27/08/2020 20:05

@IlovecatsyesIdo
I think he feels good about himself when he’s bragging. I think making himself sound better than us is now habit and just how he is. Literally EVERYTHING he talks about gets back to what he has/had/wants or is getting. Literally EVERY SINGLE conversation. It just getting to a point now where I’m just losing the will to even pretend to be nice. We are relatively LC anyway but it’s just so difficult when we do get together. It’s almost awkward on my behalf as I feel like I can’t take much more of it. His daughter comes to play twice a week now and she’s becoming unlikeable. It’s so sad.

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Suzi888 · 27/08/2020 20:05

Agree with @Ohtherewearethen there’s something lacking for him. It’s not normal!

Original poster
braggingprick · 27/08/2020 20:08

@Ohtherewearethen Do you know what... NO! We are good people. We would do anything for anyone, anytime. My children are happy, well liked and loved. I’d love the holidays, the cars, the houses, the clothes but it’s not worth the sacrifice, to me, of never being around and not having time for the ones I love.

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notso · 27/08/2020 20:09

My BIL and his wife were always like this. I just used to say "Ooh well done" and "Good for you" in the tone you use for toddlers who've done a poo on the potty.

Burnthurst187 · 27/08/2020 20:12

The way I handle people like that and people that I don't like in general is to not continue the conversation

You say you reply politely and show interest, that's where you're going wrong. When he says something just say Okay. Don't ever continue the conversation, make your response as short as possible, one word if possible

Original poster
braggingprick · 27/08/2020 20:13

@notso I will try this! @Jaxhog

For what it’s worth... his wife was not like this at all. But she’s starting to be a bit more like his as time goes on but does remember herself and you can see her reeling in what she saying.

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Wishihadanalgorithm · 27/08/2020 20:26

Does he not have interests or hobbies? He sounds incredibly boring and dull. The next time he starts talking about private education or bigger houses I would say, “Hmmm... interesting....” in a bored tone and change the subject. What does the rest of the family think of BIL and his money obsession?

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