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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling upset with friend. Aibu?

14 replies

NeonBella · 27/08/2020 19:13

I've been friends with this woman for about 10 years and we've been very close through all of this time.
We have/had the sort of relationship where we help each other out and support each other. Admittedly its normally me helping more than her but it's never bothered me.

There have definitely been times where my friend can come across as a bit self centred but on the whole I'm able to see past these things because she can also be an amazing friend.

Last week my dd (10) had an accident on her skates and broke her wrist and sprained her ankle. Disaster!

We were all on a day out together, so dd and I plus friend and her 3 kids.
After dd hurt herself friend was very dismissive about it and insisted on continuing the day out and kept cajoling dd to toughen up and not ruin the day, plus telling me to not pay any attention. I assume she thought that dd was making a fuss and hadn't hurt herself badly.
I decided to leave because dd wrist and ankle clearly needed to be looked at because she was in a lot of pain. Friend was a bit snappy and obviously not happy but it was an accident!

Fast forward nearly a week and so called friend hasn't been anywhere to be seen. This is a woman that messages on a daily basis, pops in for a cuppa regularly.

Friend has always made a big show out of how close we are and how much she cares about me and dd.
If things were reversed I'd have gone round and taken treats for the kids and tried to give friend a bit of a break. I'd also be asking if I can help in any way.
I don't drive due to medical reasons so she also knows that dd and I are literally stuck inside until dd gets a bit of mobility but there has been nothing!

I do wonder if part of it is that she feels guilty now that dd is in a cast and she was so dismissive of it but I don't know.
A part of me feels upset and another part of me feels like she's showing her true colours.

Aibu to feel a bit upset?

OP posts:
BunnyLovesBananas · 27/08/2020 19:19

It sounds odd

Does she know how serious your DD injuries were?

She could just be busy

If you really want to know, send her a text and invite her around

NeonBella · 27/08/2020 19:23

I have invited her round. In the text I explained what had happened and she also knows that dd is now in a cast and has a splint on her ankle.

She did reply to the text and said in a very non committal way that she'd try to pop in.
Obviously she hasn't which is fine. I don't expect anyone to be at my beck and call but it is so out of character that it has left me feeling a bit hurt.

OP posts:
Ohtherewearethen · 27/08/2020 19:25

Yes she's being a bit of a cow. It comes across, from your post, that she was highly inconvenienced by your daughter's accident and felt you made too much of a fuss about it. Now she knows the damage your poor daughter has done she probably feels embarrassed. She ought to anyway. Maybe she still doesn't really think it's 'that bad'. Maybe she's just a very selfish person who is annoyed at your daughter for 'spoiling' her day, from her point of view. I wouldn't be in any hurry to make the first move to be honest. Be aware though, in case the next time she gets in touch is because she wants a favour. Hope your daughter's on the mend soon

NeonBella · 27/08/2020 19:32

@Ohtherewearethen
Yes I most definitely got the impression that it was a big inconvenience and that it had spoiled the day.
I certainly won't be putting myself out providing childcare and other favours any time soon.
Thanks for the well wishes. She'll mend thankfully!

OP posts:
SmellsLikeFeet · 27/08/2020 19:35

Some people are just very self centred
I hope your daughter makes a swift recovery

NeonBella · 27/08/2020 19:38

Thanks @SmellsLikeFeet

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/08/2020 19:39

She sounds like a bit of a cow. I had a friend accidentally injure me reasonably seriously a few years ago and it killed the friendship. She was completely mortified and just couldn’t bring herself to apologise properly. I wonder whether your friend is embarassed.

PablosHoney · 27/08/2020 19:43

Some people react defensively when they feel embarrassed, that’s on her. Don’t chase her, I hope your DD heals quickly.

NeonBella · 27/08/2020 19:44

@TestingTestingWonTooFree
Yes she could well feel embarrassed or bad about her reaction on the day.
It's all very odd though and I must admit that it has baffled me a bit!

OP posts:
NeonBella · 27/08/2020 19:46

Pablos thank you.
I won't be chasing her. This is on her. I guess we'll see how important the relationship is to her.

OP posts:
blubberyboo · 27/08/2020 19:49

I feel like this is a one sided friendship. She is happy for you to be at her beck and call but now you have needs she is hanging back.
Agree that she also either feels a little ashamed to give her some benefit of doubt. The sceptical side of me though feels she is irritated by all the inconvenience your DD injuries cause her

NeonBella · 27/08/2020 20:07

Blubbery
I hate to say it but I think I agree with you.
It makes me a bit sad that I've spent all this time investing in what I thought was a good relationship.

OP posts:
nc600 · 27/08/2020 20:25

I think she's saving face, she doesn't want to admit she was completely wrong.

NeonBella · 27/08/2020 21:39

nc600 yes possibly.
I don't understand it though. If roles were reversed I'd be the normal friend I am. But to be honest, if the roles were reversed I'd have cut the day out short instantly for any of the children.

OP posts:
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