To ask for help in deciding where to go

[Tearsforyears]

I am separating from my partner of 11 years , 2 kids.

He has no where to go so I need to go. I can’t live with him so that’s not an option.

I could move into my mums 2 bed house. My daughter could share a bed with my mum and me and son could share.

Pros
comfortable with her
Able to cook meals freely
Close to school

Cons
Lack of space
Messy and cluttered

Or I could move to my dads

• 4 beds 2 living rooms so plenty of space.

Pros
Son could have own room
I share with daughter
Plenty of space

Cons
Not comfortable around dad
Wouldn’t feel confident freely cooking
Neat freak
20 min drive to school

I’m going towards my mums as I’ll feel more comfortable but don’t know if the lack of space will drive me crazy.

(I know I’m lucky to have these options, I would never critique them to their face and would be very grateful and pay my way whoever I moved in with)

Your mum’s will be fine as a short term solution, but in time you will need more space because your kids can’t share beds with you indefinitely.

If you’re planning it as a short term gap to get you back on your feet and in your own place then I think it’s fine. If it’s intended to be a long term solution, you might need to consider your dad’s. What makes you uncomfortable? If he’s not safe for you or your kids to be around then obviously not an option, but if he’s just awkward or similar, you might just need to find a way to make it work.

I think your mums would be better just till you get your bearings.
It is not going to help you move forward with added stress at your dad's. It's also a big change for your DC so it would be less upsetting to be around your mum who I'm sure they are also more comfortable with.

Thanks.

It would probably be for a few months until we sell our house.

We just don’t have a great relationship. We’re not close at all where as I’m in daily contact with my mum.

What age are your children ?? I wouldn’t like any of my children sharing a bed with another adult or having to sleep in same bed as a parent every night.

Wherever you move to, you need to ensure that both your children have their own beds. Can your children share a room with two separate beds ? Or get a set of bunk beds for the spare room and a single bed so the three of you share a room but not beds.

Then your mum have her own space and own room.

They’re 4 & 8.

Yes you’re probably right. I would need to sort the sleeping arrangements better.