To think that most people don’t have secrets from their other half?

[TicTacTTT]

I had a pretty rough childhood and suffered lots of emotional abuse at the hands of one of my parents. I was neglected and my basic human needs weren’t met. I faced so much rejection daily despite trying to do everything I could to make my parent happy.

In my teen years, I went completely off the rails. I would drink to excess and black out, I would sleep around out of sheer desperation. I was also taken advantage of by a number of men when I was passed out.

I think a part of me felt like sex was all I had to offer and the only thing anyone would be interested in me for.

I met my now DH when I was still in this dark time in my life and he truly saved me. One huge secret I have from DH is that I was unfaithful to him multiple times when we first became exclusive. I was 20 at the time.

I struggle with anxiety and depression and attend counselling now for this. My counsellor has told me that many people have secrets and that I’m not alone with this. She has asked me, who would benefit by me coming clean and has told me that she doesn’t believe I would be able to cope in any way with confessing all of this given my current mental state.

DH and I met 12 years ago when I had just turned 20. I was young and stupid and I can’t see how I can forgive myself for what I did to him back then. We now have children too.

I’m just questioning what my counsellor has told me. Is it really true that lots of people are living with these sorts of secrets?

I agree with what your Counsellor is saying but I thought Counsellors are meant to help you in coming to your own conclusion not tell you what they think?

I should have explained better. My counsellor has told me that she will never tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. She has asked the question, who would benefit and she has also told me that she doesn’t think I would cope with the fall out at this moment in time because of my current mental state. She says that it’s very important to work on my mental health first and foremost.

I think you need to develop some compassion for your younger self. You reverted to self destructive behaviours when things started to go well. Perhaps understanding why you felt the urge to destroy your chance of happiness then would help you understand why you are still considering doing so now.