Turning 40 making me re-assess life choices...

[Fruitbatdancer]

I know, I’m probably being over dramatic. It’s a total first world problem.
Maybe it’s having a big birthday during a global pandemic? I’m in full on ‘reviewing life’ mode. Mulling over every decision. Caught in a trap of looking back not foreword.
Did I go to the right uni, do the right course, get dumped (and dump!) the right people, should I have tried for another DC despite the health risks? Am in in the right job? Am I in the right house? Am I the right weight, did I work hard enough? Do my friends really like me? Do I like me? Why did I get bullied at school/ uni? Should I have had counselling? Should I get counselling? Is it my fault I miscarried? Am I a good parent? Why don’t I have a hobby? Why aren’t I sporty?
Jesus. I’m driving myself insane. 2 weeks till I’m actually 40, I need some tips/ someone to shook some sense in me to enjoy the last days of my 30’s and start looking forward....? Is this normal?
Aggghhhhhhhh.

Midlife crisis

Easier to criticise younger you, blame younger you, for all the ills of today than to require current you to get off her arse and do something about it all. You are being a whinging marytr, albeit in your own head.

You want a hobby, get a hobby. You want to be a sporty person, join a sports club. You want a different career, retrain. You want to be thinner, go on a diet. You want to be a better parent, choose a behaviour and do it differently.

Try reading The Happiness Trap.

There was a great thread on MN a while back where someone had named that guilty internal voice. Brenda I think. Or was it Mavis. Can't remember - insomnia not helping. She treated it like it was like some old sexist person.

She would say "oh fuck off Brenda" in her head when she felt guilty about not making a perfect papier mache replica of the Taj Mahal with her children during lock down or such like.

I have adopted this approach. Mine is called Maureen, in "fond" memory of one of my mum's very judgemental friends. I tell her to fuck off out loud sometimes. She was exceptionally rude about the laundry earlier and got told where to go.

Lol thanks for the head wobble @TorkTorkBam
I’ll check it out.
I’m not even saying ‘yes’ to all my questions, I guess mulling them over. Shoulda, woulda coulda and all that. I always thought of midlife crisis being men with sports cars and affairs!

Hi OP I had a midlife crisis when I was 40 but it was triggered by my best friend of 27 years being diagnosed with terminal cancer, I suddenly realised we're not here forever, I left my marriage, retrained into a new career, I've never been happier, don't look back though and beat yourself up about the past

Female mid life crisis is normal.

Often results in one or more of

• dramatic change to body,
• career change,
• divorce.

Thanks @MissSmiley hmm I wonder if that’s it too, recently lost one friend to cancer and a best friend currently having chemo. It probably all things combined. I need to stop over analysing!

For example, at about your age I did a masters degree to accelerate my career, while working full time and did lots of distance running and Tough Mudder type events.

Some of my mates ran the marathon.

Some set up small businesses.

Some went back to work full time from part time and got seriously bolshy about their husbands expecting them to be the default parent.

Some chucked their loser annoying partners.

Some had last chance babies.

You might be under analysing not over analysing.

Did you go to the right uni and do the right course? What would have been the right choice and why? What would be different about your life now as a result? Why would that be better than what you've got?

You have to follow the analysis through to that last question for it to be helpful in identifying what you need.

@TorkTorkBam I think I need to employ you as my shrink. You speak a lot of sense and yes @Fruitbatdancer I’m hitting this age and feeling these things. I’m mostly procrastinating about starting up my own business, then freaking out at the prospect of not having my steady income

Also I keep thinking everyone in my team at work is getting younger and they are more clued up on young person stuff that is important for my job, and now my brain is old and can’t keep up I need a Brenda in my life for sure. I’d tell her where to stick her opinions.