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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has anyone else realised over lockdown...

21 replies

Userunsure82 · 26/08/2020 18:39

that their DH is actually really lazy, and you hadn't noticed before as you were too busy and didn't notice!

I work full time, office hours, high pressured role, but very much desk based. Was fortunate that i wasn't furloughed from work when most of my team was, and subsequently kept my job during a redundancy process. However does mean my workload is full on all day!

We have 1 dc4 who was at home for 2 months during the peak of lockdown as nursery was closed.

Dh also remained working he works in a maintenance role so works shifts, however generally works 4 shifts in a row then has 4 days off. Shifts vary from earlies, lates, nights.

During lockdown, majority of childcare fell to me which you would expect as I was at home. However even if dh was off or on a late shift, I would still be expected to get dc up, dressed, sort breakfast out while also trying to work and have calls. I would also have to do dishwasher, washing, general tidying up etc. Dh cooks dinner if he is on an early shift.

Now lockdown is easing, dc is back at nursery so I am doing majority of drop offs, dh picks up when on an early, otherwise I do all. I generally work from 830, log off between 430 - 5, but if I am a second past 430 I have dh moaning at me.

Today I had a really important call at 1630, so I logged on slightly later at 845 (went for a run this morning instead of this evening) dh has been huffing and puffing around the house as I said i was going to be late. He has been home since 1530 and sat on the sofa and done nothing apart from pick dc up I have finished work at 5, cooked dinner, sorted 2 loads of washing, emptied the bins.

I really enjoy my job and on a couple of occasions will log on in the evening if I need to. Dh sits and plays games on his phone all evening, so I'm keeping myself entertained. But if I so much as mention that I want to do that, I get the rolling eyes and moaning. I would understand if we were going out or doing something but we're not!

OP posts:
Pixel7777 · 26/08/2020 18:40

I have noticed that I am very lazy if left to my own devices. / lockdown. Not sure that helps any.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 26/08/2020 18:44

Don't have another child with this man.

Glitteryone · 26/08/2020 18:44

He sounds awful OP.

I think you need to have a very frank conversation with him re pulling his weight!

AnyFucker · 26/08/2020 18:46

Ok.

So are you going to continue putting up with it ?

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2020 18:48

Why do you keep doing it all though OP?

That's the bit that puzzles me.

RandomTree · 26/08/2020 18:51

He sounds moany as well as lazy.

Popc0rn · 26/08/2020 18:53

And has lockdown not made you realise that life is too short to put up this?

mum2jakie · 26/08/2020 18:53

Call him out on it!

1Morewineplease · 26/08/2020 19:03

My husband retired about a year ago and started to do lots of jobs around the house as I still work part time.
It was during lockdown that I realised he vacuumed every day and that towels, bath mats etc... were regularly washed ( there was always spare in the airing cupboard, so I thought! )
He washes clothes, dries them, it’s put away, sweeps the patio, deadheads more than I do ( and I’m the gardener!)
He blitzes the kitchen every morning.
So, yes, I’m a lazy but lucky cow!
And I get a cup of tea every morning.

Brefugee · 26/08/2020 19:25

However even if dh was off or on a late shift, I would still be expected to get dc up, dressed, sort breakfast out while also trying to work and have calls. I would also have to do dishwasher, washing, general tidying up etc.

Have you ever tried, you know, not doing it? or having the grown up conversation that the pair of you obviously need?

Cherryhill22 · 26/08/2020 19:27

Talk to him about this. I had this issue with my boyfriend (now husband) early on in our relationship. We talked and went through household chores that needed doing and divvyed them up. Years later it still works for us. He is really good now and does all the gross jobs like cleaning the bathrooms etc.

NoMoreReluctantCustodians · 26/08/2020 20:48

This man is clearly far more important than you (his.opinion, not mine)

Blanca87 · 26/08/2020 20:55

Honestly you need to stop doing it. When you get in from work you say what's for tea? Stop doing everything, he needs to get involved.

Blanca87 · 26/08/2020 20:57

P. S he can expect all he wants but if he does not get his act in gear he can expect to fuck off.

AuditAngel · 26/08/2020 20:59

Yep, mine. I’ve been away at my sisters. He was delighted to tell me he had done his own laundry, but he hasn’t folded anything. He “meant” to call our cleaner to ask her to come to do some ironing, but he forgot. I’m not planning on doing it!

thecatsthecats · 26/08/2020 21:07

@1Morewineplease

My husband retired about a year ago and started to do lots of jobs around the house as I still work part time. It was during lockdown that I realised he vacuumed every day and that towels, bath mats etc... were regularly washed ( there was always spare in the airing cupboard, so I thought! ) He washes clothes, dries them, it’s put away, sweeps the patio, deadheads more than I do ( and I’m the gardener!) He blitzes the kitchen every morning. So, yes, I’m a lazy but lucky cow! And I get a cup of tea every morning.
Yup. We both normally work out of the home, but I've been out 40hpw, him 60hpw usually.

Him being home all the time has proved the bastard right. He really DOES pull his weight when he's here the same amount as me. And I've gone all lazy.

It was two whole months into lockdown that I realised that the bins weren't emptying themselves.

whattodo2019 · 26/08/2020 23:18

No!! I realised how totally amazing my DH is over lockdown and how lucky I am. It has bought us so much closer. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

BubblyBarbara · 26/08/2020 23:51

No one is really lazy it’s just having different priorities. Not everyone needs the house to be spotless but everyone needs to eat, sleep, etc. and they will do so even if it’s not how You want them to do it

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 26/08/2020 23:53

@Pixel7777

I have noticed that I am very lazy if left to my own devices. / lockdown. Not sure that helps any.
Same here

I’m hoping dh hasn’t noticed because if anything he has been working harder while working from home

MollysMummy2010 · 27/08/2020 00:42

I am so crap at loading the dishwasher that I am not allowed to (took me two months to achieve this). I instead clean the bathroom (once a week with a daily wipe over). I also don't do bins as I do the ironing. I don't actually iron anything.
My husband does far more than he realises but I do shop, cook and ferry DC around as well as all household admin & homework etc so I think we call it quits.

ifunouno · 27/08/2020 00:46

So stop enabling him OP...because that's what you are doing, why would he feel the need to do it if you are? Men don't think like women unfortunately...you. Have. To. Tell. Them. What. You. Need. And. Want.

Say it to him!!

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