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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sort of isolating with my husband and kids

14 replies

BristolBones · 26/08/2020 16:30

We had twins in May this year and already have a 2.5 year old. DH has been working at home since March. We have not let any family meet the new babies except for through the window or in the garden at a distance (when toddler is napping because he would not socially distance!). We go out to parks as a unit and have a big garden. I'm feeling increasing pressure from family to meet the babies and especially see my toddler. I understand it's hard for them but we have no potential risks in our house whereas all family have members that go out to work etc - if grandparents could isolate for 2 weeks, we wouldn't have a problem. Are we being OTT? Our twins were preemies so we're a bit more cautious because of this I think.

OP posts:

Flynn999 · 26/08/2020 16:33

Assuming none of you are high risk I see no issue with you creating a bubble with your parents etc.

Follow the guidelines and use common sense. This isn’t going away any time soon, how long are you not going to see your family for... 2 months?, 2 years?

lanthanum · 26/08/2020 16:40

The official guidance is still to stay at least a metre away from anyone not from your household (regardless of where you meet), so you're not being unreasonable.

Most people are relaxing a bit, but it's your household, your risk assessment. You could perhaps point out that it's not just them - if you say yes to one side of the family, you have to say yes to the other side, and suddenly that's a whole load more contacts.

You could meet in a park, but given that they're putting pressure on, you may not be able to trust them to keep their distance even if the toddler does.

VainAbigail · 26/08/2020 16:43

How do your family feel about this? What have they said?

Sirzy · 26/08/2020 16:46

I get why your worried but how long do you plan on keeping yourselves isolated? That’s not healthy for anyone long term

Original poster

BristolBones · 26/08/2020 19:26

The thing is that we'd have to start seeing both sides of the family. Both sets are not socially distancing and are also high risk - I wouldn't want to pass anything onto them as well as not wanting to get it in my household. I know it's a bit crap but I feel responsible for their health as well as my children's.

Family have just started hinting saying that others they know are seeing their grandchildren now. Also casually inviting us out for dinner with them and another household. We're in an area with tighter lockdown restrictions so that's definitely not even allowed! I'd be happy to meet in a park but I'd have to tell my toddler to keep his distance which I think he'd find odd and would be more confusing for him than seeing people through the window which he weirdly likes! I also don't trust that they wouldn't hug him and they've told me as much!

OP posts:

Midsommar · 26/08/2020 19:27

You're being massively OTT.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/08/2020 19:29

You go out to parks but won't see a relative or friend in the park/garden? yabu.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 26/08/2020 19:34

I have a friend who is "sort of" isolating - every time we speak she tells me how depressed she is by being alone and not going out - then chats away about holidays/house guests/meeting up with friends
She is avoiding the supermarket though.

OverTheRainbow88 · 26/08/2020 20:05

Can’t they come to your garden, sanitise their hands on arrival and then play with your eldest child outside.

I do think mental health is as important than pitfall health and it isn’t healthy for a 2.5 year old to see no one bar their immediate family, they need to engage and socialise with others. When my son started back to pre school he was like a different child, so full of beans and life and he loves playing with other kids in the playground now: it’s so wonderful to see.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 26/08/2020 20:23

I don't know anyone who isn't letting their young children hug family now, myself included.

1990shopefulftm · 26/08/2020 20:29

If you re in a local lockdown area then you re just following guidelines, make your own risk assessment and don't let family pressure you into a decision either way.

gingganggooleywotsit · 26/08/2020 20:35

Sorry but I think you are being v unreasonable. It's really uneccessary to isolate yourself to this extent and you are possibly doing your toddler a disservice by keeping him away from other children and family members. Do you suffer from anxiety? Try and take small baby steps towards meeting people. I think it's good for everyone's mental health. The risk is very low if you meet in the garden or park for a picnic for instance.

AppleKatie · 26/08/2020 20:37

From next week my DC will be both going to school to childcare and go my parents.

There is no other choice as both me and DH are expected back at work.

I’m sure this will be the case for millions of others.

Wash hands frequently and crack on.

SomewhereEast · 26/08/2020 20:53

I think you're being unreasonable in so far as you're effectively making decisions for your parents. Its up to them to weigh up the pros & cons. I know older people who feel they'd rather run the (currently very low) risk of infection rather than miss out on life for who knows how long & personally I respect that. I'd almost certainly feel the same if I was them.

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