Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask your opinion on ringing police?

9 replies

worriedneighbour123 · 26/08/2020 14:28

NC for anonymity reasons. I'm not from the UK so not sure how this sort of thing would be handled here.

I was recently walking past a local park and saw something of a domestic scene. A man had parked near the entrance to the park and was standing with his door open. I heard him yell and shout angrily but could't make out what he was saying. As I walked closer I realised there was a woman with two children there. He yelled again "You knew how I was going to react. Now put my children in the car." She stood there silently and with a blank face, holding the children. The children (maybe 9 and 12 years?) also stood by her silently, no tears or yelling or trying to run to either parent. It seemed to me this was not the first time this had happened. (I have personal experience of domestic abuse and this was far too familiar to me, unfortunately).

The woman and children stood silently on the kerb, it seemed waiting for the man to give up and go away, and he got back in the car and closed the door. I continued walking and thought about asking if they needed help but didn't. I walked to a nearby corner to make sure she seemed safe. He yelled more and the woman and children got into the car. (From appearances she and yelling man were the parents). He drove away somewhat aggressively.

I didn't ring the police because i didn't want to put the woman/children in any danger. I also didn't ask if she and the chidren needed help, for the same reasons. I also noticed the man was not white and she was (I am also not white) and i do think twice about calling policed on non-white people. But the safety of the woman and children would be paramount I think but I was worried about making things worse for her, mostly.

But his voice has been haunting me and I worry for her and the children's safety. What would you do in this situation? Ring the police or non emergency police? Is there someone else to call? I did note the car registration plate number. Thank you.

OP posts:
maxelly · 26/08/2020 14:37

I think I'd have done exactly as you did - TBH it's so difficult as a bystander to tell from a snapshot whether this was just a stressed out family/having a bit of an argument or if it's a case of abuse. I don't think the police would have done much immediately had you called them so please don't feel guilty about not calling on the spot, as you say that could potentially have escalated the situation unhelpfully in any case.

I think if you are concerned about the family and what you saw, it might be good to call the NSPCC helpline who can advise, or your local social services department? In the worst case scenario if there is abuse going on these organisations would be better placed to help than the police who would be likely to simply refer on to them in any case unless the children were in immediate physical danger...

minicat · 26/08/2020 14:44

I think you should have called the police, sorry.

TheQueef · 26/08/2020 14:47

I'm admittedly biased but I would report it to non emergency number.
I've seen a lot of DV over the years, I know exactly the feeling you mean.
Too much.

worriedneighbour123 · 26/08/2020 17:57

Thank you for the response, can’t get his voice out of my head and feel bad for not ringing. A friend was murdered last year by a violent partner she wanted to leave and with my own experiences I never know if I am overreacting. I reckon the gut feeling is correct and better to ring.

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 26/08/2020 18:03

Although it was disturbing, I don’t think you saw anything illegal. I doubt there would be much the police could have done.

dwiz8 · 26/08/2020 18:05

There wasn't much the police could do even if you did call them

I have always been wary about helping with domestic situations after witnessing my father get burnt before when trying to help someone

plominoagain · 26/08/2020 18:06

Call the police . If you’ve got an index of the car , as long as it’s registered to the keepers address , we can go and do a welfare check on the family to at least see if the woman and kids are ok . Police won’t mind , we do it all the time. They won’t give out your details . It doesn’t matter if it hasn’t just happened .

ChaChaCha2012 · 26/08/2020 18:09

Make a mental note of the registration number, get yourself to a safe place and call the non emergency number. They could have then made a welfare visit.

You knew something wasn't right. In future please follow your instinct.

JenniferSantoro · 26/08/2020 18:27

You should have rung the Police on 999. Why on earth would you think twice about ringing them if it was a non white person. Your details will never be given out. If he behaves like this in public I can only imagine what he’s like behind closed doors. If you’d given the Police the reg plate they would have gone round to the address (assuming they were the registered keeper) and done a welfare check on the woman and the children. You don’t have to get directly involved but you should always report incidents like these.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page