AIBU for wanting to go to a barber's?

[LokiOdinson]

I'm non-binary, but I've always struggled to get the haircuts that I want for some reason. Every time I ask for a specific hairstyle - with images - I get Emma Watson's fucking pixie cut.

I used to go all the way to Leeds to go to a trans friendly barber while visiting family/friends which was fine but now that's not really appropriate - I'm just scared of going to one in my hometown because I have no idea which will be aggressive or not and haven't received replies to my emails :/ I'm not sure if I should just suck it up and get a haircut from a regular salon and hate my appearance for months haha. I need a cut for health reasons related to a skin issue and extreme pain with long hair that's unrelated to COVID.

Before lockdown, think I'll stick with DIY now, I used a barber. nothing to do with gender just prefer the cut and low fuss.

I prefer the cut personally and I don't want a pixie cut when I'm very clearly asking for something specific and different and I just don't get that. I've been snapped at for going into a barber's before but the one I had been going to was very nice and kind about the skin issue, too.

I'm disabled so cutting it myself isn't really an option haha

Could you try posting on your local Facebook page and asking for recommendations of good barbers who cut hair to your liking and as per pictures, etc?
Do you have any friends or colleagues who always have nice hair cuts? If so maybe ask them where they go.
Good luck!

Have you complained to the salons? If you ask for specific cut and they do something else, complain until someone makes it right. I wouldn't be paying if I got wrong haircut. Do you live in a small town? Most cities now have some gender neutral salons as far as I know.

I don't have friends or colleagues (or a job, unfortunately) but I could try some of the sales groups. It's a bit easier to bear the laughing when I'm anonymous and nobody will see me from here.

I take my dd to the barbers, no issues at all. She can't be bothered with long hair.

Speak up in future if they get your haircut wrong.

What laughing. No one with half a brain cell would laugh at someone wanting a short haircut

I only go to the barbers, have no need of anything else. I’ve only once been refused service because of my sex so I went elsewhere. It’s really not that much of a big deal.

Definitely go to the barbers if you want to. Who says salons are for women and barbers are for men? I've seen men at the salon before.
Alternatively get some clippers and ask a friend?

I'd suggest going to a better hairdressers - the one I use {not often, it has to be said} men use as well. A unisex salon.

If it would be easier for you and you’d feel more comfortable look for a mobile barber. Like PP said, ask around on facebook groups. You really don’t need to make a big deal about being non-binary or anything like that, it’s just a haircut, and presumably you’re female, otherwise you wouldn’t give the barber a second thought, so if they’re going to discriminate against females, which isn’t likely but possible, they’ll do it anyway.

I keep seeing barbers who are ASD friendly, particularly for children. Perhaps look on social media for one of these as someone who is relaxed and accepting of people who are different. Alternatively, do you know any local men who you can get to sound out their barber? I don’t think you particularly need to get into your gender, are they willing to do a men’s style on a female bodied person. I can’t see why they wouldn’t be.

The Price is what galls me with women's hair- I like the 'cut' the one I use gives, but the owner INSISTS on a blow dry that adds £35 to the cost.

The men I know who go there don't have to pay this- seems very unfair.

Try a barbers that is connected to a salon. They usually have staff who can work between the two.

For many years I used the same barbers as my DH. It was about half the price of a ladies hair salon and was the only place that cut my unruly hair how I wanted it.
This was just a cheap local barbers.
Nobody laughed at me or even questioned why I was there.

I'm sure there must be one out there for you without having to travel miles.

There are lots of spotted groups on Facebook. If you join your local ones then ask the questions, being specific to your needs, you'll be posting anonymously and that way you'll hopefully get the responses you want. Good luck!

Some cities have trans and non binary friendly barbers - like ‘open barbers’ in London. If you are not london, or within striking distance maybe you could ask them for recommendations local to you?

@LokiOdinson
I wonder if the emails to the barbers mention 'gender issues'?- I'd not mention gender at all- just turn up, say ''I'd like a short haircut please'' and see what they say.

But beware! An Italian barbers where we lived tended to do the ''Vincenzo Scalp'' where a bit of hair {1cm} was left on the top, with shaved sides.
My DS came home and actually cried -he said ''I look like a thug'' , but they were always busy.
Never saw a woman in there- but plenty of women do have very close cropped hair in various styles, so they must be getting their hair done somewhere. :)

Go by recommendation.

My brother runs his barber shop. They have always cut a few women’s “unofficially” and have done for years before he’d heard the term non-binary. I’d phone up - just say, “hi, do you do barber cuts on women please?” and go by the response. At his salon it would be a friendly, “yes - when were you looking to come in, pet?”

There are no things like a barbers connected to a salon here - I live in a small-ish town. I would have to travel for anything like that which isn't super advisable right now, although I am willing to do that.

Thank you for the recommendations for being anonymous! And yeah, I have been laughed at plenty - I don't know how to turn off the vote response but it's primarily YABU (haven't posted in a while, didn't know it was a thing tbh) which is a bit disheartening.

If you want a barbers style cut then go to a barbers (obviously if you wanted a more traditional salon cut go to a hairdressers)

While on the occasions I've taken my sons to the barbers I've not noticed anyone having their hair cut in there who aren't male the fact that it's run by a woman I cant see her having an issue

Well, technically I think 'barber' means 'cuts short hair' rather than 'cuts men's hair', so it shouldn't be an issue.

Where in the country are you? Here is great www.tuttiifruittiilondon.com/

I know the Barbers my DC use won’t cut women’s hair. They recommend the salon across the road instead. So worth ringing first rather than risking being embarrassed by a negative response.

A vote with 8 responses can’t really be said to be primarily anything!

With the non response to email... like I said, my brother runs a barber shop in a town. They’re only just getting used to Facebook messages - not sure they even use email! But I can tell you that the small barbers I know of (through him) just want to cut hair - they don’t want to be answering emails. I could imagine an email from you being ignored because they don’t get many and don’t want them... and even more so if you start (from their point of view!) banging on about being some new fangled term that they don’t understand or see the point of.

One phone call is all you need - call up, ask if they’ll do a barber cut on a woman.
If it’s problematic for you as non binary to use the term woman, then you could say, “do you only cut men’s hair?”