Being blamed for being depressed

[PricklyHedge]

‘Why are you acting like this’
‘You’re creating such an atmosphere’
‘You’ve ruined the day’

AIBU to just want a hug and to be told it’s all going to be ok?

I feel so down, the worst I’ve felt in years. I haven’t eaten in about 4 days because I just can’t face anything. I’m trying to stay out of the way as much as possible because I know it’s not nice to be this way. I can’t pick myself out of it.

That's terrible! It's not your fault, you're ill. Is there anyone who understands?

You poor thing I've mainly found it's those people who are fortunate not to have experienced any MH problems that lack empathy. I have episodes of awful anxiety and it's crippling when it happens. You do indeed need a lovely hug.

Have you made an appointment to speak to a Dr? I'm so sorry you feel this way, it's shit
Who is saying this to you?

As someone who has suffered bad anxiety over the years I have a lot of sympathy for both you and for the people who live with you. It’s shit all round.

Out of context, those comments sound horrible, yes. But I would also ask (gently) what are you doing to help yourself through this?

I've mainly found it's those people who are fortunate not to have experienced any MH problems that lack empathy

I don't know the details of the OPs depression or how long she has been suffering but you can't ignore the fact that it can be exceptionally difficult for any partners to live with someone with depression. It might be a lack of empathy in the above case or it could be someone who after of years of living with a depressed partner struggling to cope with themselves.

@Calic0

As someone who has suffered bad anxiety over the years I have a lot of sympathy for both you and for the people who live with you. It’s shit all round.

Out of context, those comments sound horrible, yes. But I would also ask (gently) what are you doing to help yourself through this?

I agree with this.

It’s hard all around. I know when my depression and anxiety are bad I can be a nightmare to be around.

It is important to seek help and to take the steps that you know help you. For yourself as much as anything else

It is difficult for all sides, I find with DD it’s taking the heat out of situations before. Trying to remove pressure of the perfect day/ occasion. Her illness has impacted Christmas, siblings birthdays and holidays, so we have to work now on reducing anxiety before. Discuss what she can and cannot handle encourage participation but not judge when she needs to remove herself. But it is communication and acknowledging each other.

I’m sorry you’re upset op, but living with someone with depression Or anxiety is draining. Yes you wanted a hug but The person you live with has emotional needs as well.

Echoing what Calic0 says. Context is everything. Depression is a horrible illness and if this is an example of people failing to acknowledge how hard it is for you it’s very insensitive.

But supporting someone with depression is very tough and there is a responsibility on the part of the person with depression to get help and to minimise the fallout for others. It can really drag other people down.

Would be good to have more detail.

If you cant face food, at least have some hot milky drink or other.
When I'm hungry, I cant pick a pencil up, let alone myself out of a hole.
Sorry you are struggling.

It’s very, very hard to support someone with depression/anxiety. It’s emotionally draining, and even more so when the person isn’t getting help for their illness.

Are you seeking treatment? If not, that’s the very first thing you should do. You owe it to yourself and your family.

@heartsonacake

It’s very, very hard to support someone with depression/anxiety. It’s emotionally draining, and even more so when the person isn’t getting help for their illness.

Are you seeking treatment? If not, that’s the very first thing you should do. You owe it to yourself and your family.

I echo this. I'm trying my best to support a close relative but it's affecting my own mental health.

and a hug @PricklyHedge

Things are tough on so many levels in these "unprecedented" times and I hear you x.

If you can seek help, this is a good idea, but I would like to remind people that accessing it is pretty daunting at the moment, and I say this as someone who has tried to do so, and supported others doing so in recent years. In my area you have to be doggedly persistent and go through several levels of access and the outcome seems to be either a person is not bad enough to be offered services, or too bad for the services currently available - alot of people seem to end up in that grey area.

Given that depression impacts ones abilities to function on a day to day level, it can be a bit of a perfect storm.

That said, please look after yourself as much as you can OP and when you have better moments put yourself first and do whatever you can to lay a few bricks of foundations for moving upwards.

I wish you all the best and another hug x