Separation anxiety, 9mo HELP

[mummyslittlenightmare]

Posted in AIBU for the traffic and I am desperate.

Now I know separation anxiety is normal and know it does peak around this age but my god it's crazy.

She has been like this now for around 2 months. She will let NO ONE else hold her (not even DP) without screaming and saying mama and leaning towards me. I cannot leave any room, I cant even be in the same room with her without her on my legs or standing up against me again screaming mama. No one else can talk to her even when I'm holding her because she growls and grizzles, and we cannot go to anyone else's house because she screams the whole time we're there.

I left her with dm when I had to sort stuff out for a house move and she screamed for 4 hours straight, bare in mind she sees dm weekly and even used to stay round every Friday night until she was 4mo.

Please someone reassure me this is normal? My DM has had 5dc and even she said wow, she's bad, DP even wants me to ring GP.

I don't get any type of break, I'm run down and just fed up tbh. But, I'm more worried that there is more to it?

Sorry, I meant she has been like this now for 3 months, if not longer!

Sending hugs op. Sorry not advice as my baby is a few months younger.

I just created an account just so I could reply to you... I totally feel your pain and know how you feel. I had a completely independent son who happily would stay with anyone and skipped off to school and nursery fine. Then 9 years later I had a daughter.. (Not sure if girls are worse?) She suffered from colic and would cry all afternoon early evening and would only want me. I'm not sure if this was the point it started from?? but from then onwards its was only mummy she wanted. I could hear her cry when I was in the shower. One time my mum handed her straight over to me standing in the doorway in a wet towel (yes thanks for that mum) I called her my handbag child or velcro kid. She only wanted mummy. One time we went to visit my partners family and she fell asleep so I popped outside to drink my tea in the garden in peace. I call it her homing device but yep typically she woke up and screamed until I came in. My mother in law was holding her trying to comfort her. (She was around 8 months as the time) and she literally stopped crying as I took her and started smiling at MIL as if to say ha ha I've got my mummy back.
It will be no help to you at the moment to say that it's just something she will grow out of...I didnt find it helpful when people told me this. My daughter is almost 3 now and still doesn't like most other people but she will stay with people now she understands I will return. Also as she started crawling and walking she seemed happy to leave me in a room but would sometimes still be anxious when I left her in a room. I found If I kept telling her where I was going, this helped. So I will say "mummy is just going for a shower" and then just walk out the room. I know it's horrible now as you get no rest but it will get better. I end up in her bed as well most nights as she still wants only mummy in the night as well.

It sounds a bit extreme but it's probably been made worse by lock down. For quite a while she would have only been seeing you and your DP.

No one else can talk to her even when I'm holding her because she growls and grizzles, and we cannot go to anyone else's house because she screams the whole time we're there.

^ this sounds unusual, in my opinion. Again could have been caused by lockdown.

bare in mind she sees dm weekly and even used to stay round every Friday night until she was 4mo.

Contrary to popular belief, small babies staying overnight or being looked after by other people regularly won't help with separation anxiety at all. It probably doesn't cause it as long as they're being adequately cared for but won't mean they won't get it.

Try playing peekaboo often and role playing leaving and coming back by sending a toy out of the room. Talk about where the toy is going and that it will be back soon. Bring it back relatively quickly, extending the time as the game goes on.

My confident 9 year old has skipped out the door to school this morning without looking back.... but he was this baby !! It was awful he cried all the time for me..and never settled with anyone else. Tbh he never loved nursery or even preschool but now is completely confident and would go anywhere so I guess it's just a (long) phase...is she going to childcare anytime soon? This did improve the situation (although he was always crying when I dropped him off /picked him up ) he settled well without me during the day. I think this is the only solution...