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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is BU? (It's a driveway one!)

66 replies

Hangingwithmygnomies · 25/08/2020 20:11

One of my neighbours has just shouted at my husband in the street for using her drive to turn around in. He doesn't use their actual drive but pulls forward to reverse onto the dropped curb part in order to turn. We are on a main road and bus route and it's safer to do this than pull out and 3 point turn. The run in has at least 8 ft before you get to their actual driveway, as it has been built over the public footpath and grass verge that normally runs alongside the footpath, so he doesn't need to go onto their property. She was shouting that it's her property and he has no right to do that. We can't get our own drive put in as we love to near to the corner. He can't use the corner to reverse due to other cars parked before it. She's shouted at us before a few years ago when we had a newborn, he stopped over her drive temporarily for me to get the baby indoors as there was no where to park and it was chucking it down with rain. He moved it straightaway once I was out of the car. I don't believe he has done anything wrong as he doesn't touch their drive and just reverses onto the public part so I think she is BU to shout at him in the street for it but am happy to be told otherwise.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hangingwithmygnomies · 25/08/2020 21:07

@EggysMom

She maybe paid for the dropped kerb so thinks she owns it. She doesn't, she merely paid for it to be installed. If it got damaged, she'd still expect the council to repair it.

Oh are the council responsible for repairs to that bit then? So my comment above about paying for any damage caused by him is not valid in that case

OP posts:

Elsaletmyballoongo · 25/08/2020 21:08

YANBU but in my experience there is no reasoning with people like 'The' Neighbour, aka dickheads.

lakesidesummer · 25/08/2020 21:08

You pay for the kerb infront of your house to be dropped usually but you don't own it and don't maintain it either.

CarolVordermansArse · 25/08/2020 21:11

We have almost everyone turning on our dropped kerb because of the positioning of the speed bumps.

I have often looked out and seen vehicles across the pavement and on the end of our drive. Perhaps she has this too and is as fed up with it as I am. In my case they are very close to the end of my car which is 3ft from the end of the drive.

If he is on the verge that is not great though.

Tlollj · 25/08/2020 21:12

Well presumably people walk across that bit of pavement outside her house where the grass verge used to be? Does she shout at them? Or is it just ‘her’ dropped kerb she’s worried about.

WaltzingBetty · 25/08/2020 21:12

She's being unreasonable.

But she's also a carer to her husband with dementia. That is unbelievably tough.

Rather than calling her a 'dickhead' as pp have, why not use a different neighbours drive/kerb to turn? A bit of kindness wouldn't hurt.

FlamingoAndJohn · 25/08/2020 21:13

She’s paid for it to be dropped but she doesn’t own it.

SBTLove · 25/08/2020 21:19

Is it the two squares in front of her drive his car goes on?
If you’re on a bus route I’ll presume it’s not a dead end street, surely he can drive on a bit and turn or turn car when he arrives home??

Original poster

Hangingwithmygnomies · 25/08/2020 21:20

@CarolVordermansArse

We have almost everyone turning on our dropped kerb because of the positioning of the speed bumps.

If he is on the verge that is not great though.

They don't actually use their drive as they haven't owned a car for I think the last 8 years but yes, he is nowhere near their actual drive when he turns.

@WaltzingBetty I understand that must be extremely tough for her. It's purely logistics that he uses theirs, as his car is normally right by their drive. There is a car normally parked the other side of their driveway, so he would have to pull out to pull back in again to use the next drive, if you know what I mean?

OP posts:

Original poster

Hangingwithmygnomies · 25/08/2020 21:25

@SBTLove

Is it the two squares in front of her drive his car goes on? If you’re on a bus route I’ll presume it’s not a dead end street, surely he can drive on a bit and turn or turn car when he arrives home??

We're on a massive great estate with one main road (which we live on) that loops right round as only one way in and out. We live at the start of the "loop" so it's much, much quicker for him to turn then drive right round the estate

OP posts:

Original poster

Hangingwithmygnomies · 25/08/2020 21:27

@STBlove he only uses the first square in my diagram. It's quite a large verge before the footpath (sorry scale.drawings are not my thing lol)

OP posts:

titchy · 25/08/2020 21:30

@Bagatelle1

I think YABU. If she maintains the drive, your DH driving across it every day will increase the wear and tear and she will have to pay for repairs.

She doesn't maintain it. It belongs to the council. She paid for the labour and materials to drop the kerb, not to purchase the kerb and footpath.

SBTLove · 25/08/2020 21:33

If it’s to keep the peace, I’d turn somewhere else even a few metres further up if possible.
Or, point out politely that he is turning on public property not hers.
If she is under stress she may be fixating on this however silly it may seem.

Terrace58 · 25/08/2020 21:40

It’s not clear to me. Is she responsible for maintaining the surface his car is touching? If yes, then he needs to stop. an easement doesn’t mean anyone can drive on that spot. It means if there is a compelling need public works can access and use the space.

Claiming you will help pay of he does damage implies it is her area to maintain. Have you priced having a drive repaired. It’s incredibly expensive, time consuming, and disruptive. I seriously doubt he is ready to compensate her appropriate not just for the cost, but the hassle of more frequent
Repair.

WaltzingBetty · 25/08/2020 21:40

@WaltzingBetty I understand that must be extremely tough for her. It's purely logistics that he uses theirs, as his car is normally right by their drive. There is a car normally parked the other side of their driveway, so he would have to pull out to pull back in again to use the next drive, if you know what I mean?*

So why can't he do that? Would driving the extra 2 metres be an unbearable chore? Or he could pull forward into an opposite driveway instead of pulling into hers, or he could turn around when he gets home rather than before he leaves if the street is clearer then, or why can't he do a 3 (or more) point turn?
I manage it in a van in a narrow terraced street with double parked cars along each side (no drives)

It's perfectly doable to turn around in a variety of ways that wouldn't upset your neighbour or inconvenience yourselves in any meaningful way.

Jaxhog · 25/08/2020 21:42

She doesn't own the pavement; it's part of the highway, maintained by your local council. Although you should reverse in the road wherever possible as pavements aren't designed to take the weight of a vehicle.

Pobblebonk · 25/08/2020 21:45

@Bagatelle1

I think YABU. If she maintains the drive, your DH driving across it every day will increase the wear and tear and she will have to pay for repairs.

She doesn't maintain the pavement, which is the only bit OP and her husband are driving on.

WaltzingBetty · 25/08/2020 21:47

Also FYI your DH is breaking the Highway Code (145) and wouldn't have a leg to stand on if he did cause damage to a person or property

You MUST NOT drive on or over a pavement, footpath or bridleway except to gain lawful access to property, or in the case of an emergency.

I'd suggest if he's unable to manoeuvre his car adequately he should probably get some technique-specific lessons

Pobblebonk · 25/08/2020 21:48

We live in a cul-de-sac so are constantly having to do U-turns. For what it's worth, I try to vary whose drive I'm using to do the actual turn. Is it possible to do that to reduce stress to your neighbour?

Original poster

Hangingwithmygnomies · 25/08/2020 21:51

@Terrace58

That was in response to someone saying neighbour would have to pay to maintain. Someone else has said she doesn't and it would be the council. In all honesty, I don't know who would be responsible - whether it would be her or the council as the part he uses is public right of way. Due to the way other cars are parked, it is his rear wheels only that go on it, not the full car. If it's her than of course he'll have to stop if he doesm't want the financial cost of repairs. I don't know where I can find out who is responsible?

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Halo1234 · 25/08/2020 21:55

Omag. Cant believe she is getting annoyed about this. I must admit I reverse onto my neighbours drive to get out (will stop now) but it honestly would not occur to me that that would be considered annoying. I would let it go in one ear and out the other. Some people aren't happy unless they have something to complain about. For some reason they must enjoy being annoyed. Wouldnt give it head space. I would stop doing it for the sole reason it gives u an easier life to keep the peace than to deal with her being annoyed if that makes sense. But I dont think u have did anything wrong.

Original poster

Hangingwithmygnomies · 25/08/2020 22:01

@WaltzingBetty he doesn't do that because it's a very busy main road and is actually (weirdly) safer to drive forward 5ft and reverse, than pull out to 3 point (or however amny point) turns, although he is more than capable to do it, people drive way too fast down our road. Certainly above the speed limit but they won't add bumps as the bus company said they would stop running here. I think if maybe she had been polite in her request, he would resonsider but as she's stood there shouting at him it's got his back up. The only time she has ever spoken to us is to shout at us (twice) about her drive. I don't know if it makes a difference to your point but he doesn't actually cross the footpath - only the 1st square (grass verge) on my diagram.

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Burnthurst187 · 25/08/2020 22:04

Sounds like she's being vey petty, he's not on her property

Our house is the last/first house on the street so some ppl do actually drive fully on to my drive to turn round to save them having to go all the way out of the street and back on themselves

When I'm at home they can't do it as the car is on the drive. I've got cameras now as my main concern is that my wall gets hit and they drive off. Interestingly though, the guy who lives opp said to me once that a lot of ppl use my drive to turn round. I was looking on my cameras and by chance he did too, cheeky bugger. I'll let him off though as he brings my wheelie bins in and takes parcels for us lol

FlamingoAndJohn · 25/08/2020 22:09

My opposite neighbour pulls onto my drop curb, not my drive, to back into his drive. It’s never occurred to me to be cross about this.

Esspee · 25/08/2020 22:11

She is being totally unreasonable unless your husband is driving right inside her driveway (or he is driving a tank).
I do however want to correct some misconceptions. She may own the land. I own up to the middle of the road so the pavement, wide grass strip, the dropped kerb area and half the road. I would be really pissed off if someone parked on the grass or blocked my driveway but street parking or turning is fine.

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