To follow my dreams?

[PollyPutTheKettleOnPlease]

It feels like it’s a difficult balance, knowing when to follow your dreams and when to accept your lot. When to give up hoping for something?

I used to do a job that I was totally indifferent to. I didn’t hate it but it wasn’t really me. I did that job for 9 years and then left, had a massive career change that involved 4 more years of study. Now I do that job and I feel that I’m perfectly suited to it. I’m extremely happy in my career and I honestly wake up every morning, excited about going to work. When I leave work in the evenings I feel almost exhilaration from my day. So I’m so glad that I followed my dreams.

I have a great home (it’s not the biggest house in the world but it’s my home and I love it). I have an excellent relationship with my parents and I have good friends who I like and trust.

But most of all I have 2 incredible children. I love them more each day. So I have achieved most of my dreams.

However... I have been unhappily married for a while. My husband and I are divorcing and he doesn’t want to try again. This is probably for the best.

My question is, how realistic or unrealistic is it for follow my dream of one day being in love and having that special person who I love with all my heart and who feels the same way about me? My mother and best friend say that I’m a hopeless romantic and a dreamer. Am I being a fool for even dreaming of these things? Before my DH I had a few brief failed relationships. DH and I were together for 15 years.

I suppose my thoughts are... I dreamed of my new career and am happier than ever in my job. I dreamed of having children and they’re amazing. I dreamed of a lovely home. I achieved all of these things. Should I try to find the partner of my dreams or be happy with my solo existence forever? I have been watching a romantic TV series with a deep passionate love. Am I a fool for hoping that I can have that love too? If it’s relevant I’m 43.

YABU = you’re a dreamer, a hopeless romantic, be happy with whatever you can get.

YANBU = you got the job of your dreams, the relationship of your dreams is out there too.

Does anyone have any views on this? Please! :0)

How old are the kids op?

Of course yanbu to think you can find a good relationship, but is just say best in mind you'll be ready to move on before the kids are. Step Dad's and half siblings and cohabiting and all that is much more exciting for you then them

I think both. Unhelpfully. Have a dream and it may come true. Enjoy your life if it doesn’t come true, after all, you have an awful lot of lovely things going right in your life.

The children are 5 and 7. They are my absolute priority. I don’t want to do anything that jeapardises their happiness. I would wait to cohabit after they have gone to uni if that’s where life takes me and if that’s what’s best for them. To be honest, I’m not desperate to be another man’s dogsbody so perhaps not living together is better. I’m open to options but not ones that harm my children in any way.

Thank you. I guess I don’t have any other options at the moment so might as well stick to some hope.

I would recommend enjoying your life and waiting for love to surprise you. Definitely don't look for it. Enjoy what you have and love will find you when you least expect it.

43 is far too young to assume you will never meet someone you click with ever again!

You're putting your kids first which is how it should be. I agree with your plan to not cohabit until they have flown the nest. But once they're older and settled after the divorce, and you have had a chance to enjoy being single for a while, why not think about dating and see who comes along? If you want to.

You don't sound in danger of rushing into anything, so I think you'll be fine.

I also have a dream of being in a happy relationship, being loved, made to feel good about myself. I wish my partner would leave but he won’t and I won’t be able to make him without a great amount of difficulty but I need to hold on to that dream to stay positive and hopeful. It is like focussing on the light at the end of the tunnel. There is no reason why you shouldn’t fall in love again at any age. In my mind it is never too late. I really hope a big love affair comes your way and you find happiness again with someone else. I also hope that for myself too one day.

Well, it's perfectly fine to have that as a dream but you need to be realistic that it may or may not happen. I do think it's important to learn to be happy in the present, not always pinning everything on future dreams and hopes. I wouldn't want to get so carried away in dreaming of a potential relationship that you lose sight of all the really good things you already have.

But sure, there's no reason not to try dating, to be open to meeting someone, and see if there is a Mr Right out there for you.

@Mummadeeze you could just leave him, you know.

It really isn’t that simple. I wish it was but it isn’t. I don’t want to go into detail but I can’t leave him. At least not now. Am hoping there will be a way one day though. It is complicated. I might start a thread about it one day to get advice when I feel ready.

Thanks everyone. I definitely believe in the idea that something comes along when you least expect it. I have felt that in the past.

YANBU

You are so different to me! I am very much the realist, the 'mean' strict mum, the grumpysaurus as I'm called at home 🤣😂, but I am so glad there are people like you in the world.
Enjoy your children growing up and you never know when you're least expecting it Mr. Right could waltz into you life just remember he might not be exactly what you're expecting

Lovely quote Morgzmum. Thanks 😊