Nursery settling in question

[Pisces3211]

Please help - if I decide NOT to send my child in after settling in is complete can I do this? I have some doubts and worries and not sure if he is ready. I do have alternative childcare so this is not my sole source. Settling in due to end this week

Absolutely, BUT if you signed a contract then you have to honour it.

Sorry I always assume people know what I’m talking about when I use terms! Settling in is basically for 2 weeks, where I go in with child to make him familiar with the place. This was the only nursery that is doing settling in as others are just expecting you to drop child off due to covid.

As the PP said, it depends what you've signed and what your contract says. You don't have to send him even if you're contracted though, but you would have to pay for his place until you can get out of the contract.

Yes but you’re likely to be contracted to pay fees for the month or terms notice required

The settling in sessions you describe sound unusual though. Where we are none of the nurseries would want us to go in with the child (even pre Covid). Because it's not a true reflection of them settling if the parent attends as well. Normally you drop them off for a very short visit at first and then extend it over the week(s).

Damn! I think I signed some papers they just handed to me on day 1. I know I should have read properly! I just feel he hasn’t settled as there’s no consistency, everyday there’s someone new in the room. His key worker hasn’t even started yet! So that will be more disruption to him. Very clingy toddler so will be very emotional for both of us when I drop him.

How old is your LO?
My terms agreed to 6wks notice, signed before settling in. Settling in is exactly that, as opposed to a trial

Do you think I should then just see how it goes and pull him out if he’s not adjusting to it well? I don’t want to pay all that money and he gets nothing out of it. I put him in thinking it will be good for him in terms of social interaction, but I have so many doubts. I feel I can’t write on here as I will get backlash! Lol. he’s nearly 2.

I've worked in nurseries and the adjustment takes time. Its always scary for a little one in a new place. It can take weeks especially if they seem upset on drop off but they do perk up a little while later. Persevere, children are so resilient.

Can you be more specific about your reservations?

Can you speak to the room leader about the inconsistency with staff to see if there's a reason and / or a plan to improve it?

I think most people have a 'wobble' I know I did but it generally isn't as bad as you think!!

If it’s not right for you or you have misgivings then of course you can pull out but it will depend on what their terms and conditions are as to whether you’re still on the hook for the first month’s fees.

That also seems unusual to me in terms of the parent remaining present for settling in sessions, although my DD was younger when she started so perhaps a different approach was taken with babies vs toddlers.

Do you usually sign papers without reading them?

@Pisces3211

Sorry I always assume people know what I’m talking about when I use terms! Settling in is basically for 2 weeks, where I go in with child to make him familiar with the place. This was the only nursery that is doing settling in as others are just expecting you to drop child off due to covid.

Wow!! I know fine well what “terms” are thanks, having been a nursery manager for almost 20 years! I also know better than to sign form without reading them!! Better luck next time.

You signed a contract covering care of your child without reading it first!? Jesus wept.

I really think you need to be more positive. He will be clingy at first, he’s of an age where he will understand a change and resist it- but you have to be positive about it and he will settle and thrive.
Unless your issues are safety or a specific issue with said nursery I think it will be fine.

@FelicityPike that was not aimed at you! I wrote it straight after my op before I even read your message!

I think the best thing you can do is send him. If you do the settling in days then stop, he will take even longer to settle at a later date or somewhere new.
As a PP said, children are resilient and settling in takes time. Yes it can be hard to see your little one cry at drop off but in my experience (27 years) they quickly calm down and learn to settle. It's part of them growing up and learning to be away from you.
I do appreciate it is hard and a worry but really, in the long run, I do think you're better off persisting.

As others have said, if you are in contract you will have to stick to it.
I would put them in, it may take a while for him to settle but I bet he’ll have a great time when he is settled.
I think the key things are to not allow him to know you are worried about it, talk about the setting in a positive way and talk about the other kids there.
If you are worried, ask the nursery if they can provide you with pictures of the staff and other kids he’ll be around (this will need permission from other parents but they are usually willing to allow photos to settle kids). This can then be kept at home as a connection to nursery and you can talk about it at home.

Try not to stress as it’ll make his settling in harder if he thinks there is something to stress about

Thank you macroni!

Felicity - I’ve sent you a pm apologising if you thought my explanation of what settling is was aimed at you! I’ve just re-read your message that appeared before my settling in comment (as it took me like 4 minutes to type so your message appeared on top of mine, I had not read yours). I’m just curious why did u think I was having a go at you? Your comment was about contracts and mine was further explaining my op about settling in they were not related!

I’m not trying to fight I’m just really trying to understand as English is my second language and I often find in here people misunderstand me! Often I ignore it but I’m curious. Anyone else want to explain to me pls? x

If you could explain what you're actual concerns are, perhaps people could tell you whether it's normal and will get better in time, or if you really should avoid them.

Personally I wouldn't be happy with different workers in the room every day and not having met their key worker.

I also wouldn't leave my child there if I wasn't completely happy. My eldest went to a nursery where she never really settled properly and it was miserable for her. We changed her nursery and she was like a completely different child

Thank you everyone!!

Sorry but I’m going to log off mumsnet now. I’ve had some fantastic replies! Thank u! I just find mumsnet a little intense sometimes as I’m not an argumentative person so get really upset with small things! I’ll log on tomorrow and think about my next steps x

Sorry @Twigletfairy just seen your question - my concerns are about lack of hygiene (no handwashing I’ve seen), staff a little cold with kids (maybe my imagination as I’m very affectionate) and just new workers in everyday. Also settling in should have been with key person, they should have told me and I could have delayed it

Sorry I think my term “affectionate” might get lost in translation! I meant when I see other kids I’m warm and chatty to them especially little toddlers. Some staff seem very very young and not like they know how to talk to child. I asked one today and she’s 16 years old! Very young I thought

I wouldn’t be happy with such an environment. I visited several nurseries when I was picking, it very much does come down to the staff and a feeling. I think you will be tied into a x amount of weeks to pay. Defo visit others- even if they don’t do settling settings with you there