NC for this as a bit outing.
Deep down both me and DP always wanted a big wedding for all the family and friends, it's not a religious thing but weddings on my side of the family (non English) have always been with lots of people, lots of great food, open bar and just a great time.
We have been engaged forever which is a story of its own, jwe now have 2 DCs too and are looking to upsize and in my head I'm cringing at potentially spending thousands on one day when that could go on so many more practical things like renovations or DCs savings or even a great honeymoon instead.
Another issue is that I am low contact with my parents and DP is NC with them - my DF is a functioning alcoholic and my DM an enabler. My DGPs are still around and in good health though and I'm in frequent contact with them but they live abroad in my home country.
The original plan was a big wedding in my home country as I have a couple of elderly relatives there I'm very close with that cannot travel, the potential issue though is the fact it's on my DMs and DFs "home turf" and I'm slightly worried about DF stirring up a few issues, although that might just be me being a bit OTT as much as I think maybe he can be well behaved he's done random stuff in the past - for example we once went to a charity event organised by members of the community from my home country who live in our area in the UK, there was plenty of alcohol and towards the end of the night he got on stage, got a mic and thanked everyone for coming like he organised it - he had nothing to do with it just bought a ticket to attend, he thanked the actual organisers for pulling it off like he was a part of it! It's just a bit embarrassing but he often tends to think he's "the big man" and well respected and with a reputation in the community.
This idea really put me off the big wedding as I know how people can be and the last thing I want would be for a large group of our friends / colleagues finding out about the NC and drinking problem or potentially witnessing odd behaviour.
We even thought about a very small wedding in my home country and then a big more informal party with friends, music and a big buffet back in England as we can do our own food and get a lovely venue very cheap.
But the above worry also translates to the idea of a small more intimate wedding - less people potentially gives more opportunity for certain behaviours or situations to be more obvious.
The bottom line is we want to get married, in our heart of hearts we would have loved the big lovely wedding but I'm beginning to think it's not attainable with our current goals and priorities, on one hand it's a lot more affordable and we would get more for our money in my home country even if we just opted for a small wedding but there's the issue of my parents, on the other hand it would be much easier albeit more expensive to organise and do something small in the UK but that means that a relative I love very much would not be able to attend and I would definitely be very sad about it.
Can I ask some wise mumsnetters for advice and insight?
WWYD in our situation?
Am I overthinking this or being too harsh on my DF?