I need a different perspective...
I’m the parent with care, was SAHM for 7 years, him high earner, he became self employed post divorce and out earns me atm but I’m working on that quickly! I suspect he may have googled my recent company accounts
He has the dc, EOW and 60% of school holidays. Post divorce he didn’t pay CM for nearly a year. I continued to drop the dc to him, no questions asked, bearing all the cost and expense of driving into London after school on a Friday pm, 2.5 hours there and back, paying congestion charge etc. Nearly a year passes without any offer of maintenance until I end up reluctantly applying to the CMS. In the end I told him I couldn’t afford to continue dropping dc unless he was adequately contributing to his children’s needs, so I stopped dropping them off. He then went some time paying a decent amount via CMS, so everything was fine but then he stopped again. So I stoped dropping dc off.
I’ve always made it clear to him that the dc are always available. And the issue I have is his lack of adequate contribution. He’d just need to find a way that works for him but he shouldn’t bank on me being part of that equation, as I already pick up the slack when he fails to do his mid week contact. I offered he stopped CMS and pay a nanny for her time instead, my ad hoc nanny was happy to do these drop offs, we could effectively share her, the girls already know her well, he refused. I offered we alternate these Friday pm drop offs, as they have a big impact on my ability to work, at least that would mean we’d each only have to do it once a month, he refused.
Fast forward to now, yes, he pays maintenance but the bare CMS amount, I suspect based on a manipulated self employed earnings. I really dislike this last financial link we still have, and his entitlement to my time as it brings nothing but bitterness and resentment from him. He offered to pay for swimming lessons and various clubs for next term, now he’s refused at the last minute. No bother as I paid anyways, I always will. But now it falls on a Sunday afternoon and it’s the only slot that was left, given he didn’t book as soon as the booking system went live at 9am today. Now he’s sent me an email saying he won’t be taking dc swimming when lessons fall on is weekend. (So I told him politely the dc are well provided for and to stuff it.) It’s unfortunate for dc but that’s nothing new as he refuses to take them to parties too. Dd happened to miss every single birthday party last year which to a 5 year old is a big thing.
Seems whatever solution is thrown back in my face, unless I tie myself in knots in order to personally drop them off effectively subsidising his contact costs. 😤