Baby cry makes me anxious and sick?

[Delizhop]

Hi first time mum here. Guess I’ve been pretty over the top with her. Always hugging her, co sleep etc. Well sometimes she has full on tantrums with my partner. She’s 3 months.

The moment she cries I get super anxious, heart pounding, feel like I’m gonna throw up, go hot and angry. Not at her, never at her. Just everyone around. He keeps her to try and calm her down instead of me doing it but it angers me so much.

Is this normal? It doesn’t feel normal? Is this like post anxiety I don’t know but I can’t stand her crying. I have never got mad at her. I only get mad at my partner if he won’t let me console her

Anyone experience this?

Hi OP this doesn’t sound quite normal. In the early days I felt anxious and sometimes cried when my DD cried as I think I was overwhelmed but your feelings sound more than that? Could you perhaps talk to your health visitor or GP?

I'd say this sounds pretty normal, full on but normal.
I used to have to sit on my hands or leave the room if my baby was crying with someone else.
I could not deal at all, it was such a strong urge to just go and grab her back.

Yes, to a point. I found it extremely frustrating if they weren't handed to me in the early days because biologically I knew they needed me and I felt I was going to handle it best. It felt like anyone else was trying to make a point that they could do it and they never could.
I have read somewhere that baby cries are designed to alarm us so that we immediately try to meet their needs to stop it.
So to me it sounds normal.
That being said I can only go in my own experience and it's best to speak to the health visitor about it.
Congratulations

It's your first baby, so you will be anxious, but three-month-old babies don't/can't have tantrums - if she's crying it's because something is wrong, and she needs soothing, but you do need to let your husband develop the ability to also calm your child - he's her dad, you should be sharing the load equally as much as you can.

I had that to the point of full blown panic attacks

The sound of DD crying used to make me feel sick too. I have been (much later) since diagnosed with anxiety and since I've been on medication I've realised that a lot of what I thought was normal (or at least for me) May have been symptoms of anxiety.

I used to hate driving with her in the car on my own because I found it really hard to concentrate if she started crying.

Why would your partner not let you comfort her though? We always did whatever we could for DD and never let her cry unless unavoidable.

It’s a bit over the top. Babies cry. Even the happiest, best looked after, easy going baby cries. There is nothing you can do that will guarantee that they won’t cry.

Crying is simply communicating, it’s not a criticism or a sign you are failing.

Babies crying is pitched to elicit a response. It’s an evolutionary masterpiece, baby cries mother cannot help but go to child. Perfectly normal.

Have you felt like this before OP?

I had terrible, debilitating post-natal anxiety. It definitely manifested itself in this way among others. I think it’s worth mentioning to your health visitor or district midwife. Some are more helpful than others but definitely try to get it seen to. I left mine too long and I shouldn’t have.

Was your baby premature or ill when she was born? With my first 2, I could cope with the sound of them crying- I didn’t like it, but knew they were ok with whichever family/friend was holding them and would settle. However, DC3 has medical issues, and I couldn’t bear not be the one comforting him when he was crying. Once my in-laws wouldn’t hand him back to me, and I don’t know how I managed to keep my rage in.

I used to find the sound of their crying unbearable too. Had to make sure it stopped
straight away, ie by sorting whatever wss wrong with them, or attempting to.

I thought this was why their cries are as they are - to make you look after them?

I wasn’t quite the same though - not angered by it - but it did seem like knives stabbing me in the brain, I remember.

Exh didn’t find this at all, and could happily leave them to cry, drive with them crying I the car, be a passenger in the car and not do anything about their crying, sleep through their crying etc.

On the other hand, I find I can sleep through other people’s babies crying completely
fine. Eg when I’ve been on the hospital ward / a and e with either of mine (dd is asthmatic so we used to go in a fair bit).

I couldn't stand my first baby crying at all- made me want to stop it asap. Always resorted to breastfeeding! He couldn't be comforted by anyone else ever and I felt sick/ panicky when I couldn't help him(especially in car). Turns out he had silent reflux(diagnosed at 4......)

Second baby cries but doesn't get hysterical- I only feel that way when they are truly upset. He can be comforted by others.So trust your instincts op- sounds like your baby needs YOU for whatever reason. Give her to your partner when she's happy so she associates him with positivity rather than being kept away from you.

I'm not sure I agree with the "babies sometimes just cry" statement. I could ignore a little crying but if a baby is screaming then they really need something- even if it's just a cuddle.

Not healthy and not normal imo. Look for some mental helpto see why you feel this way. It will make your life much better

Sounds normal to me really- and as PP said tiny babies don’t tantrum. I’m not sure if your anger is normal- if your husband is taking the baby away when you’d prefer to settle them yourself then that’s normal as he’s being unreasonable in doing so. If you’re asking him to help and then getting angry? Not so normal. And no, babies don’t need to cry- their crying is their communication and it’s okay and healthy to respond always.

Also, at that stage I wasn't 'angry' because DH just went with the flow and let me try to comfort her if I wanted to (90% of the time it could be solved by boob), but being easily frustrated and feeling irrationally angry are definitely signs my anxiety is on the up.

Do you get anxious about the crying when your partner isn't there?

So a non issue about nothing that you weren't that worried about and nothing happened. OK.

@SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing

So a non issue about nothing that you weren't that worried about and nothing happened. OK.

No idea why this posted here, was supposed to be on a different thread

It's a more extreme version of a normal mammalian reaction of a mother to her young, I'd have thought?

Nothing to worry about unless it goes on and on I'd say.

DDs cry used to cause me physical pain, in that I had to stop her from crying ASAP because it was breaking my heart and causing pain in my stomach.
The strangest, strongest visceral reaction I have ever felt.
I only felt comfortable when she was in my arms too.

But heart pounding, blood-boiling anger isn't normal.
It's great that you've recognised this, please don't let it go unchecked. Speak to a GP, midwife or HV (if you've got one) and let them know how you feel; they won't think badly of you.