Have you squandered many opportunities in your past?

jolokoy · 24/08/2020 21:00

Oh yes. I was unable to recognise the many many hands offered to me as a younger person. And I was completely unaware of the time limit on that sort of cornucopia of opportunity. You don't know what you've got etc.

But things do still come up - from time to time. Nowadays I say yes when they do - I take them. I take care not to talk myself out of help and offers. The world is filled with kind and generous people.

Grapewrath · 24/08/2020 21:03

No- I wasn’t offered many opportunities at all actually. I turned down a solid, well paid but boring job for one behind a bar in my late teens. No regrets. I had a great time.
I’ve taken every other opportunity offered to be, probably as a result of lack of helping hands on the way tbh

NeedToKnow101 · 24/08/2020 22:57

I squandered a great opportunity in a junior design role, by constantly playing Name that Tune with Piers in the illustration department.

SingingSands · 24/08/2020 23:13

Yes, because I lack confidence in myself and my abilities.

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 24/08/2020 23:18

Yes, loads.
Lack of confidence has had me turn down holidays with my friends, going travelling, taking up a sport.
Lack of experience resulted in me squandering my time (and funding) for uni on a degree that hasn't helped me one bit, and now I can't afford uni fees plus a reduced wage in order to go back.
I had financial freedom when younger and got into debt to keep up with people whose parents were paying their bills. It meant that while I had the opportunity to buy a house when I was too young to know how good that is, I squandered it.

This post makes me sound like an idiot, but I realise as I get older, I had no one aspirational or experienced in these things around me so I muddled through.
I've been travelling, I'm now financially fine and I absolutely do my best to say yes to opportunities that come my way.

Mimishimi · 25/08/2020 04:08

Yes and living in fear

BrianPotter · 25/08/2020 04:29

I have had many opportunities, but never really managed to make a good career for myself, confidence is a bit low today!

This is going through my mind every few hours lately, It really ramped up these past few weeks

I did ring our college yesterday, and I have booked on a course.

Boomerwang · 25/08/2020 04:34

Yes I messed up my education by not having a CLUE what I wanted to do for a career. The careers advisor at school wasn't much use. She asked what I liked. I said dogs. We went down the path of veterinarian (5 years minimum plus exams) and vet nursing but I was afraid of failing the exam and the thought of another 5 years in a college in a town far away from me put me right off. We ended up at dog grooming, which was the point I told her 'I like them but I don't want to spend all day with them as a job'

I was too stupid to see what she really meant when she asked what I liked, but then she could have made it a bit clearer that she was asking me about my thoughts on my future career choices.

I was depressed back then and never had time to think of any sort of future, only the here and now and how shit it was.

Original poster

Scrambling101 · 25/08/2020 17:26

It's so hard isn't it. I'm sorry those of you who are in the same boat, especially when you lack confidence.

Honestly, I feel thick saying this but have no idea how to build confidence when it's very low? Surely confidence comes from small successes and you build upon those. So how do you get there if you've not been successful, at all?

I never used to be this bad but in the last few years I get so tense and worried even when I set myself a task to get done! I just don't FEEL like I'll ever be good at anything, even though I know rationally there are things that I've done ok at in the past!

OP posts:

TheSoapyFrog · 25/08/2020 17:31

Shedloads. Mainly related to education and my career. Also regret quitting my driving lessons. It's hitting me more as I approach 40.

Original poster

Scrambling101 · 25/08/2020 17:31

For example I went back to college and had to give presentations. Well, before the first one I was so anxious I was sick in the loos and couldn't do it. Was so convinced mine was complete shite I thought everyone would be sniggering and the tutor would take me aside and tell me to get out of the course because my work was so bad.

Now, I did manage to re-arrange that presentation and did fine in the end and got my qualification and again, did well enough.

But I can't take any confidence from that? I loved the course and so glad I did it but still feel inadequate.

OP posts:

Original poster

Scrambling101 · 25/08/2020 17:33

@TheSoapyFrog

Shedloads. Mainly related to education and my career. Also regret quitting my driving lessons. It's hitting me more as I approach 40.

Snap, as I get closer to 40 I think I'm running out of time to pull myself together.

OP posts:

SilverOtter · 25/08/2020 17:42

Yes, but I think squandered is the wrong word in my case - more like shot myself in the foot through relentless self-sabotage and deeply ingrained neuroses

SilverOtter · 25/08/2020 17:43

I feel like I'm in the 'Last Chance Saloon' of making something of myself! I'm sure I'll find a way to mess it up...

GoldenPlover · 25/08/2020 17:50

I am so aware of never turning down opportunities!

I'm late 20s and worry that I'm coasting through life but at the same time there haven't been any opportunities that I've turned down either.

I'm scared to live a life with regrets though so now I'm trying to work more on creating my own opportunities if that makes sense.

Me and my DH have decided that as soon as we're able to post covid we're going to try and do a year abroad (working holiday style) before we get too old. It feels weird to be considering it as it feels like everyone we know that did working holidays abroad did it when they were 18 or 21 but I know if we dont try I'll regret it.

katy1213 · 25/08/2020 17:54

Yes, but no good beating yourself up because you didn't have the wisdom/confidence you have at 50 when you were 20. I do think mentoring would be helpful in one's 20s. Until then, it's fairly easy to focus on what comes next; I floundered when the next step wasn't obvious.
Having said that, I haven't the slightest desire to acquire a protégé now!

alexdgr8 · 25/08/2020 17:55

from when i first went to school aged 5.
had never met other children before, didn't like them.
not a good school. most staff not nice.
51 in the class if we were all there, leaning on windowsills.
one day someone's father came in and talked to us in the hall.
being the youngest class i was at the front.
he was a soldier and played a bugle or trumpet.
he held it aloft and spoke about his life.
them he invited anyone to try to blow it.
i was at the front and i instinctively knew how to do it.
but i didn't put my hand up.
lots did. he picked a few. none could get a sound.
then he shewed how. just as i had imagined and would have done.
i so wanted to. but couldn't somehow. still bugs me.

lioncitygirl · 25/08/2020 17:57

Yup - someone offered me a job that would have paid well over 6 figures after bonuses- I said no as I was young and was afraid to leave my country.

PerditaProvokesEnmity · 25/08/2020 18:00

Have I squandered many opportunities?

Every Single One.

Lockdown highlights this rather ...

SqidgeBum · 25/08/2020 18:05

Only one haunts me. I squandered the opportunity to work as an english teacher in Rome at the age of 23 for a retail job that would allow me to save more money so I could do my teaching qualification. I was utterly miserable in that job.

miafeta · 25/08/2020 18:11

Yes, when I was a teen I was saying no to everything and this includes the opportunity to study in the US.
However, once I went to University something changed inside me and I became very focused on creating opportunities for myself.
Nowadays, I take opportunities at every chance- if it works out ok, if not no regrets.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 25/08/2020 19:48

I turned down the chance to work for Ridley Scott in his London office as a script reader and haven't ever forgiven myself.

ValancyRedfern · 25/08/2020 19:53

For me it was turning down a relationship because I was scared. 20 years ago and I still think about him every day (thanks to Facebook I know he is a married to a woman who looks like me and they have three beautiful children).

alexdgr8 · 26/08/2020 01:17

@lioncitygirl

Yup - someone offered me a job that would have paid well over 6 figures after bonuses- I said no as I was young and was afraid to leave my country.

did his surname end in -stein ?....

alexdgr8 · 26/08/2020 01:20

@ValancyRedfern

For me it was turning down a relationship because I was scared. 20 years ago and I still think about him every day (thanks to Facebook I know he is a married to a woman who looks like me and they have three beautiful children).

maybe try to pray for them, when you think, like a kind of fairy godmother.