To think that I can miss a contact weekend?

[ABC123Girl]

Ex is arguing with me because I've said that we've made plans for this weekend so he won't be able to see DD. This is the first time in 10 years that I've wanted a whole weekend to do something nice for DD.

Ex constantly texts me saying he can't see her and doesn't make up the time for it, he's unreliable, always holidays without her for weeks and is always late picking her up and drops her off early.

Now he's calling me unreasonable because I want to take DD away for the night for the weekend and calling me selfish for stopping his contact.

He sees her one day a week at a weekend.

YANBU but you don't want to stoop to his level. When did he find out?

He found out this weekend, he texts to say what day he is going to be seeing her sometime during the week, even if he cancels I've had it a week in advance for the day before.

Is there a court order?

Either way, given how flaky he is, you’re not being unreasonable.
Tell him he’s welcome to have her an extra day to make up the time.

Meh. I ended up taking my ex to court (he refused to allow me to take the kids away over his weekend, EOW arrangement) after similar flakiness on his part.

Don't engage with him. If your dc is usually resident with you, and he is being arsey over one day after his frequent cancellations, then after 10 years I say one night shouldn't be a problem.

A simple text, offering an additional night either the weekend before or after, would be sufficient to show you are being reasonable. Perhaps offer to extend contact to Fri-Sun two weekends out of 3? He can't moan about being refused one night then also refuse increasing contact

At first I was going to stick up for him saying you should have asked first if it was his weekend. Then I read how flakey he is and how much he messes you around. What if you’d made plans or were working and he messed you around? Not good enough

If it’s court ordered, you’re wrong.
If it isn’t, batter in.

Does he have her one day every weekend? So you can never make a weekend plan? He's being totally unreasonable if that's the case

What does your DD want to do? It's their contact after all.

No court order and he does have her one day at the weekend.

She wants to go and has told her dad that she wants to go but he's being really negative with her and me about it.

No court order then fuck him. Have a lovely, guilt-free weekend with your DD.

Have a lovely weekend and don't give him another thought. Good parenting is about give and take, it seems you've been doing all the giving, and your ex is doing all the taking.

It would be better surely if he had eow rather than one day every weekend? Then you’d each get a full weekend with your dd, and a full weekend without?

Nah you're fine. You'll cancel for him and from the sounds of it he'll suddenly cancel anyway. Suggest be has her all of the following weekend?

Yes cancel, why should you always work around his plans. He doesn't care if he cancels. He may only be insisting because he knows you have something planned

how old is Dd?

I think he will be in for some shocks in her teenage years

Take her, let him have an extra day another weekend.,

Tell him you're not discussing the issue any longer. You have given him warning about it, and you're having a weekend together.

If it's ok for him to mess you around when he's supposed to have her and doesn't so he can go on holidays without her, and pick her up late and drop her off early when it suits him, regardless of how it mucks up your life, then he can put on his big boy pants and accept you're entitled to the occasional full weekend with your own DD.

I think this is why courts generally prescribe EOW so each parent has a whole weekend. Do as others have suggested and off an alternate date for him to have her to make it up so there's a paper trail then turn your phone off / block him and enjoy your weekend.

@ABC123Girl

No court order and he does have her one day at the weekend.

She wants to go and has told her dad that she wants to go but he's being really negative with her and me about it.

Ignore the contact at all costs brigade, its not always what is best for your child.

He sounds like a crap dad (unreliable at best)
And No court order? Do what you like.

I'd offer an alternate date and crack on. Hope you two have a lovely time.