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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it possible to love your baby too much?

22 replies

59giggles · 24/08/2020 10:23

My "baby" is 2.5 y now. I honestly love her so much I feel like I could physically burst. Everyday since she was born I have loved her more and more. Sometimes I look at her and want to cry with happiness. It is the best feeling in the world. However it is making me question having another child. Ideally we would start TTC now. But I am just petrified about the impact this may have on her. I feel like she is my absolute priority and all that matters. Could I love another child as much as I love her? What if something goes wrong in my next pregnancy and it affects me or the new baby and DD's life is never the same again? I also love her so much I feel she is enough. I never thought I'd feel this way, I always wanted a big family. So confusing!

OP posts:
DisappearingGirl · 24/08/2020 10:29

I think it is totally normal. But I certainly wouldn't let it stop you having another baby. You will have enough love for both/all your children!

My mum once told me that when my little brother was born she cried to the health visitor that she was worried she had ruined my life (I was 2.5). Obviously she hadn't, she loved us both and still does!!

KitKatastrophe · 24/08/2020 10:32

So cute :) I felt the same OP.
My second daughter arrived just before lockdown and I love her just as much.

It has changed my relationship with older daughter, who is 3.5, although that also could be due to lockdown as we dont do the things we used to, she has been out of preschool, we have spent more time together doing less stuff etc. Its hard to unpick how much of it is that and how much is new baby issues. But I still love her so much too.

Newmumatlast · 24/08/2020 10:32

You definitely can love another child as much. And no, I dont think you can love a child too much. In this world tbh more love and care is only a good thing

Hairhelp234 · 24/08/2020 10:32

No, you will also love your next baby this much !

Stompythedinosaur · 24/08/2020 10:34

If you feel like your dd is enough then there is no need to have another dc.

Siblings can be a blessing, but aren't always.

I imagine you would another dc just as much though.

Rumblebear · 24/08/2020 10:36

I know exactly how you feel! I loved DD1 so much I actually considered not having another one, so DD1 could remain our number one priority. I fell pregnant accidentally....and DD2 was born when DD1 was 2. I felt so guilty that our little unit of 3 had changed forever....but it's amazing how your heart expands with love! I feel that same intensity of love for them both now. And when they are playing together and DD1 is showing DD2 how to do something, or DD1 crys and DD2 (18 months now) goes up and puts her arm around her to comfort her - honestly, I feel like crying with the amount I love them.

Theterrible42s · 24/08/2020 10:37

I feel like this about both my children Smile

VeniceQueen2004 · 24/08/2020 10:37

Do you want another baby?

You say 'ideally we'd start TTC now' which implies that was 'The Plan' - but do you want to?

It's wonderful you love your child so much and don't let anyone ever tell you different (people will try, cynicism abounds alas). I feel the same about my 3yo DD (although she's pushing my buttons more these days!!). I am pregnant again now, but that's because I really, really want another baby. And because I think it will do DD good to have a sibling as she only really has me and her dad day to day and I want her to have more love and attachments in her life.

We waited a long time though compared to many, and part of that was so I could really enjoy her and give her my everything while she was small. Time feels right now. If it doesn't for you, give it another year then think about it again!

FindingNeverland1 · 24/08/2020 10:40

Oh this is normal. I was obsessed with my first, I love(ed) her soo much it was painful. I would honestly stand over her bed and cry because I loved her so much. Play games with her and read to her constantly, praised her all the time. Put off having a second until she was 5 because I wasn't sure I could love another child / didn't feel ready / was scared of the impact on first born.
Yeah. My DC2 is now 6months old. I love them both so much but in a far healthier way. I am able to give DC1 a bit more space which she actually needed, and not ALL my attention. It's going to be good for her I think, it was too much having 100% attention and adoration the whole time. This bit of space will help her grow.

Wish i'd given her a sibling closer in age, to be honest.

Original poster
59giggles · 24/08/2020 10:46

Thank you so much for these lovely responses! Somehow I expected to be told it was precious firstborn syndrome and I was pathetic and needed to get a grip!

@DisappearingGirl, sounds like this will be what I'll tell the HV too if/when we have another DC! Really good to hear other people's experiences

OP posts:
GaraMedouar · 24/08/2020 10:48

Absolutely normal Flowers - I felt the same and now have 3 kids - your love expands

AriesTheRam · 24/08/2020 10:48

This is one of the many reasons I decided to just have one child.

katmarie · 24/08/2020 10:51

I think sometimes we believe that we have a finite amount of love to give, but in my experience your heart just expands to give more and more. I know I felt like you when I found out I was pregnant with dc2. But I still adore dc1, and I love dc2 fiercely too. It's wonderful really.

DDIJ · 24/08/2020 10:56

This reply has been withdrawn

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Soundbyte · 24/08/2020 11:02

My mum cried all the way through her pregnancy with my younger sibling because she was convinced she couldn’t love it as much as she loved me and it tore her apart. She loved the baby just as much as she did me, and the one she went on to have after that too 😊

I’ve just had my fifth, and I feel the exact same way as I do about my older children x

Original poster
59giggles · 24/08/2020 11:03

@VeniceQueen2004 and @FindingNeverland1

I identify with both your posts so much. This is also why we have waited longer than most people (we'll have a min 3.5 age gap). At 2.5 DD is so interesting now and we can do so much more, I was saying to my DH yesterday I am so glad we didn't have another to look after during this time so we could fully enjoy her.

But equally I feel like it is probably time for a sibling and it would also be good for her. With covid, we are both home (although working) so she is getting the luxury of both parents with her ALL the time. I worry the longer we wait the more of a shock it will be for her! We also don't have much family around, so it's important to me that DD has at least a sibling, rather than having just us two.

I relate to the "loving them in a healthier way", I think this will probably be true.

I definitely do want another DC, not craving another newborn though as I did struggle a bit with that stage.

OP posts:
Sandytoes86 · 24/08/2020 11:17

I felt like this and even through pregnancy I felt how could I love my second son as much as my first? However, the moment he was born I felt I could burst with love . You will find you love you second just as much!

PrtScn · 24/08/2020 11:33

@DisappearingGirl

I think it is totally normal. But I certainly wouldn't let it stop you having another baby. You will have enough love for both/all your children!

My mum once told me that when my little brother was born she cried to the health visitor that she was worried she had ruined my life (I was 2.5). Obviously she hadn't, she loved us both and still does!!

Funny you should say this. As my mum and her brother don’t talk and have never had a good relationship. Her brother says she ruined his life but won’t/can’t elaborate how. My mum thinks it’s because they have a big age gap and once she came along their parents prioritised her, and her dad made brother give her some of his ‘’wages’’ as pocket money etc. Don’t know how true that is of course, but it’s my mums rationale for why her brother thinks she ruined his life.
corythatwas · 24/08/2020 11:40

Absolutely fine not to have another baby.

What you do need to be aware of, though, is that as she grows up, whether there is another sibling or not, she needs to become more independent of you and you need to be prepared to give her space as a pp mentioned, you need to get used to letting yourself be distracted by other things so she doesn't have to bear the whole burden of providing meaning to your life. But for most people, that isn't really much of a problem: our children grow and we grow with them, what seem unimaginable at 2 happens naturally at 14. On average, I really don't believe this is more of a problem for single children than for any other.

boysnamehelpplease · 24/08/2020 11:46

I remember feeling like that when ds was that age. We started ttc when he was 2.5 as we always knew we wanted 2 dc.
It took us quite a while to conceive this time and ds will be 4yr3mo when our second is born.
Since he was just over 3 he's been desperate for a sibling and now I'm due in a couple of months I have absolutely no fears about it being a negative thing for him or not having enough love for both children.
My ds already loves his unborn brother, he 'talks' to the baby daily, hugs my stomach and tells me about all the things he's going to do for the baby and his old things he'd like to share with him.
He goes into the nursery to look at the baby's clothes. I swear he's broodier than me.

LandedInMyLap · 24/08/2020 11:48

I felt like this about my DC1, and the feeling was just the same with DC2.

Original poster
59giggles · 24/08/2020 12:09

@boysnamehelpplease that is so cute! My DD is very cuddly and nurturing, really hoping we have the same experience!

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