To ask whether your 11 year old has a phone and what "rules" you have in place?

[devadreams]

DS is 11 and about to start secondary school. He currently has an iPod (my old iPhone although he doesn't know that!) He really wants his own phone and I feel he should have one as due to logistics of school drop off and pick up now being complicated with staggered start and finish times because of Covid (I have other DC at a different school) it is likely I will have to drop him at his friend's house to walk a short distance to school and he will be waiting around for 10-15mins after school for me to pick him up. So I'd be happier knowing he is contactable and can contact me etc.

I could get a SIM card for the iPod, this is likely the cheapest option. I think it's an iPhone 6 though and he'd like a more up to date phone!

Is it more normal to get a pay monthly contract for a tween/young teen, or a pay as you go? I don't want to spend a lot, he's only 11! What is a reasonable monthly amount for this age would you say?

I'd also be interested to know what "rules" you have in place re use of the phone, eg not allowed it at night, are they allowed it with them all day or do you restrict use etc? It's all new to me as DS is my eldest! (and his idea of what is normal or reasonable isn't necessarily the case!)

I think it’s less about the type of phone and contract / PAYG but more about how you lock it down. We have:

• all functions switch off overnight (except ones she might need in an emergency and podcasts to listen to if she can’t sleep)
• internet limited to a white list of sites
• no social media
• no ability to download apps (she can ask for our approval, it comes up on our phones)

All this is quite easy to do on an iphone - just google ‘child safe settings for iphone’.

When she was younger (had a phone in the last year of primary as she walked home alone) we also disabled the camera, completely disabled internet access and basically turned it into a brick phone.

The deal is that she can ask for features to be turned on, or new apps, or different time limits, and we will discuss it.

@TrickorTreacle

A mobile phone at age 11? Good grief :-D

We had BT charge cards. Use them in any phone box and they would be charged to our parents' accounts. I didn't get my first mobile until 23, final year of university.

For computer games, we had Sega, Nintendo etc.

Fantastically useful.

My great grandmother wrote on a slate. Anybody else have any other useless comparisons to make?

@TrickorTreacle when was the last time you saw a pay phone?

iPhones are notoriously fragile if dropped so personally I started my kids off with cheap smartphones in y6 (they walked to school) then upgraded them for their birthday in y7 if they proved that they could keep track of a phone and remember to switch between Wifi and Data.

In your shoes I would get a protective case for the iPhone 6 and say that if he takes care of it until his birthday /Cmas then I'd get him a new phone. It can be hard remembering to keep track of a phone when they first get them.

[quote LadyCatStark]@TrickorTreacle when was the last time you saw a pay phone?[/quote]
Every day. About 50 yards from my house.

Our son had my old iPhone in year 7. His Dad got him a contract and we haven't had a single problem £17.50 per month but you can get cheaper.
He now has his Dad's old iPhone 7 and he'll be going to year 10 next week.

Thanks so much for all the replies, it's been really helpful.

I especially like the idea of getting a SIM for his "iPod" to convert it back to an iPhone until Christmas and then to consider a newer phone for Christmas if he shows responsible usage and looks after it.

If I got him a pay as you go SIM for now, could he keep the same phone number if I then changed him to a monthly contract at Christmas?

Really helpful to hear what rules others have in place too. I use family sharing at the moment to restrict some content, as well as to ensure he has to get permission from me to add any apps. Downtime is also activated from 930pm-7am.

Will definitely have rules for SM as and when he gets into that. For now he mainly uses messages (with individuals and groups of friends) and he understands that I have access to his iPod and can check it at any time.

Yes, he could keep the phone number if you upgrade to a contract. You can also switch network, but it might be easier to get a SIM on the same network as another family member so you have easier options in future...

We got DS (11) a refurbished phone from music Magpie and added an account to our sky - £6 a month I think. DH set up the controls so we can see searches (history can’t be deleted).
Rules:
Phone stays downstairs at all times
Phone goes off by 9
Phone stays in bag when walking home from school - starting secondary so I want him concentrating on crossing the roads
I check phone on demand
Nothing deleted on whatsapp
No SM apps - tik tok etc

Obviously, we’ll loosen some restrictions as he gets older but so far it’s working out ok. He’s has his phone since February.

Am I the only one with an 11 year old who doesn't have a phone ??

She's not even asked for one. They have a shared iPad which they can play roblox on and chat to friends once workbooks are done. My 11 year old is happy with this arrangement!

We socialise a lot with family and they have lots of cousins who they FaceTime sometimes. If my 11 year old needs to do research she goes on the laptop. I don't see why she would need a phone yet.

Sorry this is all disjointed, but fresh in my mind!

DD1 got my old phone - we're an android household.

I have a family sim deal from BT. Unlimited calls and texts, and 6gb data each for £7.50 each (2 Sims). I was previously on Vodafone PAYG, so it's much cheaper than that.

Overspends are set to £0.

Rules are 1 game only and WhatsApp. She's just learnt she can use it for iPlayer. No phones upstairs. But tbh she's not that bothered. WhatsApp is just full of kids saying 'hi' so it's quite boring.

And actually I think she finds it kind of overwhelming that people keep messaging her. I showed her how to mute WhatsApp chats. She likes the game and the fact she can call me.

As it's android when setting up you can link to a parental account and set restrictions- but I found that stupidly glitchy. In the end I set it up independently, put antivirus software and parental restrictions on it and linked her photographs to be shared to my account. So far I've received one photo - of a spiders nest!

She'll need it as she might be getting the public bus to senior school... With SD though it looks a bit of a nightmare. Phone comms will allow for a smoother pick up!

I got a gel case and tempered glass screen protector, which is lucky as that's already chipped (1 month in). Reconsidering for a flip cover.

Don't know if it is part of the phone number recycling but she's had calls for an adult male - she knows not to answer unless the caller is someone in her contacts - so I've blocked those callers.

Sorry it's s bit of a jumble!

My old iPhone se, contract through broadband provider-unlimited everything for free. Phone in my room at bedtime, needs permission for apps, I can look at anytime. No sm yet.

I’m not that big on rules as I feel that trust and respect are two way here and that works well for us. We talk about social media and healthy behaviour like sleeping at decent times etc so dd(11 in June) manages her own screen time pretty much. She knows I could view her phone at any time but I haven’t... I’d speak to her if I had concerns tbh. Works for us and is manageable moving forward into teenage years... all the rules and stuff sound like far too much hard work and keep all the responsibility on the adults which isn’t working long term.

@fogginghell

Am I the only one with an 11 year old who doesn't have a phone ??

She's not even asked for one. They have a shared iPad which they can play roblox on and chat to friends once workbooks are done. My 11 year old is happy with this arrangement!

We socialise a lot with family and they have lots of cousins who they FaceTime sometimes. If my 11 year old needs to do research she goes on the laptop. I don't see why she would need a phone yet.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4000784-To-think-personal-smartphones-have-no-place-in-the-classroom

Many secondaries use smartphones in lessons

@fogginghell

Am I the only one with an 11 year old who doesn't have a phone ??

She's not even asked for one. They have a shared iPad which they can play roblox on and chat to friends once workbooks are done. My 11 year old is happy with this arrangement!

We socialise a lot with family and they have lots of cousins who they FaceTime sometimes. If my 11 year old needs to do research she goes on the laptop. I don't see why she would need a phone yet.

Maybe just you and I at the moment! All of DS' friends have their own phones. Many got them over the past year. He is definitely the odd one out! I've held off as long as possible, but do feel it would be good for him given that he will be making his way to school by himself and hanging around for me afterwards too. Still does feel very young though!

@fogginghell mine is going to be walking to school and may need to come in the house alone. I don’t feel comfortable her not having a phone.

My 11yo has my old phone. I added a SIM to my contract for £4ish a month. We use family link so I can see how much time he's spent on it (and on what apps), and remotely "lock" the device from 7pm-7am. It stays on charge in the living room overnight.

I’m not against phones per se. I just don’t feel like for my dd it’s the right age. I understand parents of 11 yr olds who will be walking home etc, but I’ll be picking her up from school (alongside some of her friends) so for my dd it’s not essential.

Isadora - that’s exactly how I work it with my kids too!

Dd used her phone in school for research and filming - as per teacher’s instructions. One dc in her class didn’t have one and although no one was mean to her she definitely stood out. My dd has a phone but I don’t allow roblox - lots of bullying through that ime.

@fogginghell

I’m not against phones per se. I just don’t feel like for my dd it’s the right age. I understand parents of 11 yr olds who will be walking home etc, but I’ll be picking her up from school (alongside some of her friends) so for my dd it’s not essential.

Do many of her friends have phones? I only ask as am conscious DS is definitely the last of his friends to get one (this includes friends from primary school, some he's still in touch with from infant school and also the new friends he has made over the summer who are also joining his secondary school). So he is desperate to have one to fit in, if nothing else.

For the record, lots of his friends also have tiktok but I have said no to that as I don't like what I have found when I researched it, so it's not like I just get him whatever his friends have!

DS isn't allowed his phone at school, so I'm assuming he won't need to use one there - they all have to have their own chromebooks/small laptops. Phones are supposed to stay in their bags in school, so another reason not to spend too much if it's going to be buried at the bottom of a loaded rucksack!