To be struggling to cope with the pressure

[Archie1989]

I returned to work from mat leave in January, part time. I work in a professional role where my job involves overseeing finance, technical elements and general project management of a team. I’ve received minimal formal training on the finance aspects of my role....and to be honest, I am just not great with numbers.

Lockdown hit, nursery closed, and then me and DH have both been fortunate to be able to work from home, but without childcare or outside help (no family nearby at all) this has been challenging. While nursery has now reopened, I am struggling.

My role means I have to book every hour to a job code and be productive all the time. If your productivity drops, you’re going to be questioned on it. I have had to be keeping ten other people productive too.

My son doesn’t sleep well, and I try to work with little sleep. The project I manage is going over budget and programme and I now can’t sleep because of that and worry that I will put my job at risk when there are no other jobs out there.

Last week my boss was getting v frustrated with me in terms of struggling with the numbers. Afterwards saying, please ask for help if you need it. He is just not approachable though. He’s always stressed and always too busy. Our company has been making redundancies, and I have survived them so far.

I need a break. I have been tempted to go to the doctor about the anxiety I feel. I am worried that getting signed off will put me at more risk of redundancy. I can’t afford to lose my job.

In normal circumstances I would say, hang on, this isn’t fair. Minimal support on return to work, and left to sink or swim. Am I being a big moany head?

Bump

Was this your job before mat leave?

And you cannot get signed off just because you need a break

Assuming you are paid at a level commensurate with the level of responsibility you have, then YABU.

Perhaps take a sideways/downwards step for the short term until you feel really ready for what does sound like a high pressure role?

Have you taken any annual leave? Do you share night wakings? You must must ask for training/support around the areas you struggle with, be assertive and clear around this...Do you know why it's going over budget, are there things you can do around this or was the project simply under budgeted?

I work in a very similar role to you and I had very similar problems when I came back from mat leave the first time - im dreading going back after my current mat leave finishes.

Im not sure if here is the place to post as most people don't understand the pressures of work for a professional services company. Are there any other projects you can move onto which are more of a skills match? Try not to let it go on too long as it totally dented my confidence working on a project where my skills didn't match - I was lucky that I was already pregnant so had an exit strategy planned

I don’t have any advice but just want to say you’re not alone and it is bloody hard juggling work with no sleep and that overwhelming exhaustion and just needing a break let alone in the middle of a pandemic. Hope things improve for you soon x

Just thinking about it, is there anyone on your team that can do the things that you are finding tricky / time consuming and then you oversight it? Or get them unskilled to own it rather than you taking on additional training
Also, do you have anyone to talk to in a career capacity that is more independent such as a mentor / career Councillor?

FYI - if you do get signed off by the doctor then I doubt it will make you more at risk of redundancy, in fact some companies will shy away from those people for fear of how it will be perceived

Thanks for your responses.

This was my job before mat leave.

Thank you @CCSS15. You’re right. The pressure can be too much in this role. It’s difficult to switch off.

Our company does not want to pay out for training. I have only just been given access to the company systems for finance and am trying to teach myself.

The project is going over budget for many reasons. One of them is that we are forced to offshore a portion of technical work to get a decent margin, and the quality is terrible. I send it back to be redone. But the business is set up that they have to book time to the job for such issues.

Another reason is that my boss is really focussed on the team productivity, so I keep having to take on people to do work for a little bit, just to keep them busy. This means that these people don’t have the project knowledge and it takes time to get their head around it. They are expected to book that time to the job.

Projects usually already have a tight budgets, as we need to be cheap enough to win the work from the client.

All these things happen time and time again. They’re raised and nothing changes.

I do not believe I get paid as I should. But in this job, it’s not something you want to raise too much. For example, I am chartered....yet I earn about £6k less than a non chartered male colleague of mine, who is at the same level with less responsibility. If you raise this, you’re told that person had been working longer. Surely if they have more experience, they should have the responsibility to reflect that?!

As someone who would need part time work (although my part time hours are almost the same as full time at many places!), my confidence is low in terms of being able to get a role elsewhere, in the current climate. I guess it’s a case of better the devil you know.

@CCSS15 posted that and then read your other message. I could do with a mentor at work to chat to. My line manager is also the programme manager that puts this pressure on and doesn’t allow training, which makes it awkward. He is so busy and stressed that you feel you can’t say anything, because he’s dealing with trying to keep us all in a job.

I’ve been delegating some tasks where I can. I think part of me just doesn’t want to own up to struggling so much right now to save face.

I meant upskilled not unskilled - bloody auto correct

If you can't find a mentor to speak to within the company then maybe look at independent career coaches - you can get specific ones that focus on women and the challenges that they face when working in male dominated industries. Its not helpful when your line manager is the programme manager as you have no one fighting your corner when it starts to go wrong

Sleep is valuable and you won't be able to cope if sleep deprived. Can husband take over for a night and you take an over the counter sleeping pill - phenergan is my preference as it doesn't make you foggy the next day. Also, have you looked at sleep training at all - sometimes a little pain is worth the long term gain.

Also, speak to recruitment agents, look on LinkedIn to check to see that jobs aren't out there. Im not saying to jump at this time but it may settle your anxiety around losing your job if you know that roles are available - also work out the redundancy payment if it does happen, how long would you be ok for?

The other thing I found out after I struggled for ages is that I had a b12 deficiency which was contributing to the anxiety, brain fog, poor sleep etc. It has helped a bit with this under control so make sure you are eating right, drinking enough water and taking vitamin pills (sorry to sound like your mum 😀)