I feel like i'm going nowhere. Feeling low.

[TWE1010]

Hello,
I just need some encouraging words.
I am just really sad with my life.
I feel stuck.

I have a degree and doing my masters this year. I have been furloughed since March from my job and don't know if I have a job to go back to. My masters is part time so I was hoping to work alongside it. I apply for jobs but with over 100 applicants; i'm never the best one.

I do have a wonderful boyfriend and he has a brilliant job which he is so content with.
We both live with our parents as we are saving for a housing deposit (both of our parents are completely happy with this situation).

I forgot to mention I am 25.

My boyfriend is great. My parents are great. My sisters are great.
Yet every night this week i've cried when theyve all gone to bed when I think about my life.

I have been furloughed since March and who knows whether work will pick up this coming year.
I don't even know what i'm sad about, definitely the job situation.
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in 2015 after loads of panic attacks in uni. I had one counselling session and I didnt feel it was for me. Tried tablets but then decided I didnt want to take tablets. I feel I have a better control of my anxiety until moments like this.

I can only describe the feeling as "daze-like". I feel my life is not going anywhere and that I have no luck.

I am by no means suicidal and I would never hurt myself but sometimes when i'm driving I think "wouldn't it be nice if a car crashed into me right now" and it makes me feel a bit peaceful, or I think "well if things go really bad, at least there's always a way out". Almost like death gives me a peaceful feeling rather than fear.
But I would never do anything as, despite feeling my life is rubbish right now, I also have so much to live for.

So i don't know what's wrong with me. I feel really gloomy and almost depressed.
I just want some supporting words as I am feeling very very low

Hello - late at night our anxieties always feel the worst. I think you have a lot of stuff in the pipeline but it is all on hold (job) or taking a while to come to fruition (house). Be patient and try to see the small steps forwards you are taking rather than measuring life against the big end results.

I don't know about the anxiety and medication/therapy - I do know with therapy that it takes time to see results so maybe reconsider it. You have a lot going on and the world is a very uncertain place at the moment so it is completely understandable that you feel at sea. But therapy could maybe give you some tools to calm your anxiety so that you can better see the positives. I am no expert though and I don't mean to say you aren't doing the "right" thing for you currently.

Mainly now try to sleep - I know it's hard but if you feel alone and sad remember that you are not alone - people here will listen and support you. And you are strong enough to cope with whatever life throws at you I promise xx

@Ranoutofgoodnames thank you

Hello - just checking in to see how you. How you are feeling better - I know it takes time and it's definitely one day at a time x

Hi OP, read your post and didn’t want to read and run

I just wanted to ask how you’re feeling today and if you’ve been feeling any better since your initial post?

I think looking at doing counselling again would be really helpful. Have you tried online or phone counselling?

It is different to face-to-face counselling, but often has a lower waiting list, if you do it via the NHS and I imagine (apart from the waiting list length) it won’t be as affected by Covid as face-to-face counselling, as it doesn’t involve meeting the counsellor in person.

Do you have any things you do for fun and just for you? With Covid and lockdown, perhaps you might feel you’ve lost a sense of structure, variety or routine, so it might be good to have a think about fun things you can introduce or re-introduce into your life, to help you feel better.

Hope you feel much better soon!