Were you a fussy eater as a child?

[WomenHour]

I wasn't but know others who were.

No not really. In my 50s, wasn't that much choice when I was a child. A lot of what we ate was based on boiled potatoes and some cheap fish/meat item. We fished ourselves in the summer to eke out the budget; in winter we had things like liver and kidneys and cod's roe ( cheap in those days). Fortunately both my parents were good cooks.

Dh (60) wasn't fussy either, but had to live off spam and SMASH a lot of the time as his brother was super-fussy and his mum didn't really know how to cook. Family finances didn't allow for separate meals to be cooked or for food to be wasted because somebody got a replacement meal, so they were stuck with the lowest common denominator.

I'm 37 and was quite fussy. For me it was mainly about textures - I wouldn't eat anything mushed up in a sauce (eg bolognese) and would only 'trust' my mother's version of things (eg I'd eat shepherds pie at home but never at school). My overriding memory of junior school is sitting in front of my untouched lunch as I wasn't allowed to go out to play as I hadn't eaten it. They would reluctantly let me go just before afternoon school started again. Somehow I hit 16ish and lost lots of my fear around food. I currently have a 3year old and my own experiences are making it very hard for me to deal with her fussiness. Knowing how horrid it is having people try to force you to eat something I can't do it to her but it means she's fussy and I struggle to manage it. She has a terrible sweet tooth and will often only eat her first course to get to pudding. She won't eat bread, rice, pasta or potato so coming up with meal ideas for the whole family is really hard. I find it quite depressing really.

I was super fussy and although I'm way less fussy now (and a pretty good cook, to boot) I still have issues with food and I know I'm considered "awkward" to feed because I don't do things like lamb or smoked salmon that people like to dish up at dinner parties. I eat things like goats cheese that many people try to avoid though so I don't think I have a boring palette.

I have sensory issues and a heightened sense of smell and the wrong "texture" can make me throw up, even now. I threw up lettuce last week because there was a slightly "hard" stalk I wasn't expecting in it. The mere thought of foods I don't like or smells I can't deal with will make me heave, wretch and vomit.

I have issues with portion size too. School force fed me and bribed me to clear my plate- mum also encouraged clean plates. This coupled with under eating and picking on junk to survive at boarding school and in catered halls left me with some serious work to do on my eating and my relationship with food. I was slightly overweight a couple of years ago and had to really work on it. I'd never force picky eaters if I had picky DC.

I have far more control over my diet and portion sizes etc now as an adult- even in restaurants and don't see myself as quite so fussy, although eating at other people's houses often makes me panic. I can't eat what I don't like, I gag. I still avoid things with the "wrong smell" and avoid some things that don't agree with me despite people saying they're "good for me". Eggs in nearly any form, oily fish, and most green veg for example.

I’m not actually sure.

I don’t think I was, particularly, but I know there was stuff I didn’t like. I also know that my mum would quite tirelessly dish up different meals for us as kids if we didn’t like certain stuff - in the main, three different veg with a roast, pasta instead of rice for one kid who wouldn’t eat chilli with rice.

I think my mum was very good at catering for our likes and dislikes. There’s nothing she can do to make me like peas though

Yes I was (I’m 40). I ate most meat, veg and fruit individually but didn’t like sauces or things mixed together. With hindsight I think I really really disliked onions and fermented tastes (eg vinegar) and one or the other of those are in most sauces.

By mid teens I liked most things (still used to pick out onions though). Now age 40 I like everything except olives. I eat far more adventurously than many adults I know.

My sibling was far fussier, and never grew out of it. She genuinely would rather get hungry to the point of fainting, than eat something she didn’t like.

Oh, and I'm 30. 90s kid.

@GlennRheeismyfavourite I only like my DMs version of quite a few things too. Especially a roast.

Hugely. Till I was about 17. Couple of years where I only ate Brie, soft white rolls and Custard.

Now I love cooking, eating, different foods...textures, strong flavours.

Nope I was the child who ate anything, mum was a varied cook, I don't remember mum relying on freezer foods as much as I do now.

My kids are good eaters, eldest will try / eat almost anything she 8 but younger one will eat an avocado but won't touch spaghetti bolognese 🙄 strange child

Not at all fussy. I'm in my 50s.

School dinners had no choices or options. We were seated and served. Usually a solid meal like meat pie, mash, veg and gravy. Followed by sponge pud and custard. I loved school dinners.

I do wonder if the buffet style of school dinners which came in later affected how picky children could be? The increase in dining out too?

I'm more fussy now but that's usually as I'm counting the calories so would avoid fish and chips dinner if I could, and choose a healthier option. If I was a guest though I'd just eat what I'm served.

No. But Mum was very strict with food and I remember having to sit at the table for hours until I finished my plate of apricots and custard. I was only about 6 or 7. Not an approach I would recommend but my Mum still struggles with wasted food now.

DH was fussy asa child but his mother took the 'ignore it' approach. He got the same food as everyone else but wasn't chastised if he didn't eat it. He's not fussy now although interestingly he doesn't think we should cook food the DC won't eat.

@Gancanny if you don’t mind can you please share what dietician said about your DS? I have a very fussy eater and I am at my wits end. Doctor and health visitors in the past have been useless!

Nope. My mum used to say that I would eat shit if it was put in front of me. I'm like a human labrador.

Apparently I was very fussy until I was about 7 then I started to eat more. By my teens I ate pretty much anything and still do as an adult. The only things I really don't like are very fatty bits of meat.

DD2 is a fussy eater and is nearly 8 so I'm hoping she will grow out of it like I did. DC1 eats absolutely anything.

Meant to add, as a small child my mother had to give me a food supplement - "Complan" I think - as I was so underweight. They didn't force food on me. Ironically, my brother ate everything as a toddler and young child then became very fussy about age 7, just as I was turning a corner. My poor Mother. He was incredibly fussy until he was an adult, though he eats more widely now.

Yes. I mostly just ate ham sandwiches and jam sandwiches. Then at 18 I decided I’d like to try normal food. Now I eat pretty much everything and love to cook.

I don't think I was, neither was my brother. There's things I've never liked (cottage cheese) and things I went off a bit, but not picky. If anything I'm pickier now, plus there are things I can't eat due to how they affect my IBD.

My dd currently isn't keen on meat, fish and egg yolk. She will happily eat egg white though. She'd never been keen on chicken but put herself off other meat after being sick having scoffed too much sausage pasta too fast. She's pretty good at eating veg and salad though, recently she decided she loves baby spinach. We don't make her eat meat but offer it when we're having it and recently she's started having a tiny bit sometimes.

Yes very fussy. And we were very poor so I would often not eat rather than eat my dinner so was a skinny kid (I feel awful now for my poor mum!)

I am quite an adventurous eater now but have a fussy eater dc. Karma

Interestingly my dad was also an extremely fussy eater also and ate only around six different foods.

I wasn't particularly fussy but I hated mashed potato and hard boiled eggs. I think it's a texture thing. I remember being given mash on a plate to eat before the rest of my dinner. I'm not a huge fan of potatoes now, except roasties.

Yes, I was really fussy but I had undiagnosed food allergies. I get ill when I eat alliums (onions, garlic, chives, scallions) and my mum wasn't a great cook and used lots of premade food in packets and jars, most of which had onions and garlic in them, so I never knew exactly what was making me sick. It made me really wary of food as a child and I developed quite a sweet tooth as sweet things never made me ill. Once I was an adult and could figure out what was wrong, the world of food opened up and I learned to make my own versions of everything.

Other than that I still can't understand how people eat celery and coriander as they both taste utterly vile to me.

Yes. I also came from a large family where only one meal was served. I often just didn’t eat. I remember not eating lunch for years in school and buying some crisps instead because I wouldn’t eat anything they served up.
I can remember being made to eat things and they are all the things I won’t eat as an adult (non fussy).
DH complains DD is fussy. But I get where she is coming from, she likes to eat the same meals over and over. He would say he wasn’t fussy as a child, however I have stayed at his mothers many times and she served the same meal every night - Boiled potatoes, over cooked meat, tinned veg.

I am slowly getting DD to try things and she is getting better. The thing is when she does like it, she really does, rather than just eating it because she has to. She also has highly sensitive tastebuds which I’m sure has something to do with it.

I know lots of people with multiple children, one fussy, one not fussy. It’s not just environmental.

Super fussy as a Kid. As an adult I’d eat absolutely anything until I had Covid 19 which destroyed my olfactory system and has left many things unpalatable.

@Verity35 of course

• the first and main thing is that food is just fuel, it doesn't have personality traits like good or bad, it should never be used as a reward or a punishment or means of control and there should be no battles over it

• wherever possible meals should be served family style with shared dishes in the middle and everyone helps themselves

• every meal should have a minimum of 1-2 'safe' foods that the child will (almost) always eat so that there is always something they can eat and it avoids any "there's nothing here that I like"

• the main meal of the day (teatime for us) should have two courses, a main and a basic no-frills dessert such as fruit or yoghurt. The second course is given regardless of how much or how little of the first course is eaten, no conditions attached because it's one complete meal and the idea is that they get enough calories across the two courses

• the meal is served and after a reasonable amount of time (30-40 minutes) it gets cleared away with no begging, no "two more bites", no "just taste it", no "eat your greens", no persuading, no bribing, and no forcing. If it's eaten, it's eaten. If it's not, it's not

• if nothing at all or only very little is eaten then fruit stretch them to the next mealtime but if they seem very hungry or if it is going to be a long time until the next meal (e.g., tea through to breakfast next day) then around an hour or so after the rejected meal you should offer a plain snack. Waiting around an hour frames it as a separate mealtime rather than a replacement for the rejected one

• let the child get involved in food prep and cooking as much as they are willing but don't force it

• and lastly give a good multivitamin daily and at least a cup of milk to make sure all the nutritional bases are covered

DS has ARFID so food can be a challenge but this is what was given to us by the dieticians and works well.

Apparently I eat even dog and cat's granules...
Do I get non-fussy crown now? 😂

I don't get the dessert after every dinner thing. We never had that.

When you have a child who doesn't eat much, the dessert after dinner means they're likely to get more calories from the meal than they would from a half-eaten main course alone. A few bites of main course and a few bites of a banana is better than just a few bites of main course.