Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would I BU to lose this weight?

16 replies

Loseornotlose · 23/08/2020 16:30

I've never been especially slim. Growing up I was always a bit chubby, an old size 14. I weighed between 10 and 11 stone.

In my 20s I ended up in an abusive relationship and became a binge eater. I'd eat until I was almost sick, crying as I shovelled food in. I feel so sad when I think of how utterly miserable and alone I felt. Eventually I got out but my relationship with food was screwed. I lost a bit of weight, regained, lost.

I met my partner at one of my lower weights. He is very broad, he's a 46 chest but you can see his ribs even though he's s few st overweight. Anyway, he always found me attractive and never asked me to lose weight.

Over a number of years I slowly gained weight back. I got to the point where I felt I had to do something as my health was starting to suffer and I felt miserable and unattractive. So I changed my eating, mostly cut out carbs and started exercising most days. I ended up getting to just under 11st which took me to 'normal' BMI.

Anyway, this was all last year, pre lockdown. Lockdown wasn't good for my waistline or relationship, we ended up having a 3 month break (we don't live together and as things were a bit strained we decided to isolate separately). This was good as we are now much more on an even keel.

During lockdown I have gained weight, probably about 2st. Certainly no more than 3. I've also not been exercising as much, and last week I went for a run and twisted my knee, so running is off the cards for a while.

Since we've been back together, he's been saying how attractive he finds me as I am now. He says this is the best I've ever looked. For him at the peak of my weighloss I was too slim, and he's said he would be happy for me not to lose weight.

I would like to lose it. I get what he's saying. The extra 2st is the difference between lots of loose saggy skin, and there being a bit of fat behind' it to bulk it out. But I feel fat. I want to be able to wear a bikini or other clothes without fat rolls. I'm vain enough that if I can lose this 2st and maintain the loss I'd like to have loose skin surgery, as I know this would look better and make me feel better about myself. But losing weight is hard work, it's nice eating what I want as I am now.

So what do I do? Lose it even though partner finds me less attractive when slimmer? (albeit it's not he finds me interactive, his preference is me as I am now) Or stay the same even though I feel fat? I should add I still felt fat at 10-11st. Less fat than now, but still fat.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 23/08/2020 16:35

You should lose the weight for your health and because you want to. It's none of his business.

Loseornotlose · 23/08/2020 16:39

I've just realised I managed to type interactive rather than unattractive in my OP! 😂 Hopefully what I meant was clear.

There are some health benefits to me losing 2st or more, however I am wondering if I can maintain it long term. I do know I can't end up the size I was again.

OP posts:
Poptart4 · 23/08/2020 16:41

I would never advise someone to lose weight just for a man. Equally I would never advise someone to gain weight for a man.

You have to be happy in your own skin. Right now your not comfortable with this extra 2-3 stone. So lose it. Besides looks, it's not healthy to be overweight.

If hes not supportive I'd question the relationship.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 23/08/2020 16:43

I agree with PP your partner's preference should not really factor into this, you could be losing years of your life if you remain overweight

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 23/08/2020 16:49

If you know your health would benefit from the weight loss and you would feel better beauty looked better it's a bit of a no brainer isn't it?
What your current partner thinks shouldn't really figure.
Take control, it will stand you in good stead on a number of levels!

NoMoreReluctantCustodians · 23/08/2020 16:52

Ask yourself what you want. And do that

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 23/08/2020 16:53

Hard work, but do it because you want to feel healthier, be healthier, and reduce your risk of severe reactions to COVID (+ diabetes, heart disease, stroke....)

What your partner likes /finds attractive is is irrelevant.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 23/08/2020 17:04

That should read feel better because you looked better

Loseornotlose · 23/08/2020 17:14

The feeling better because I looked better, I admit I didn't think I looked great when I was 2st lighter. Better (clothed) than now but I was still unhappy with my appearance. Whereas he thought I looked great then, and even better now.

OP posts:
Dozer · 23/08/2020 17:17

It’d be much better for your health to get back to a BMI below ‘overweight’. Far more important than your boyfriend’s preference.

Completelyfrozen · 23/08/2020 17:36

How tall are you and what weight would you be happy at?

Kaiserin · 23/08/2020 17:51

I've just realised I managed to type interactive rather than unattractive in my OP! 😂 Hopefully what I meant was clear.

Yes, and it made me laugh, so good job Wink

Can't comment on the weight loss thing. Ultimately it's your body. Most important things are being a reasonably healthy weight, and loving yourself. Whatever that means precisely is up to you.

feelingverylazytoday · 23/08/2020 18:11

I would put my health first, certainly before being attractive for my partner. And at my height, 2 stones makes the difference between healthy BMI and obesity.

Quartz2208 · 23/08/2020 18:14

What I have done (because I dont have the energy anymore to diet) is create a healthy diet that is feasible for me to follow and exercise a lot. Focus on feeling and being fit and healthy and not on size or weight

Loseornotlose · 23/08/2020 18:33

I'm 5ft 6,:so 11st or under gets me just within BMI normal.

At my lowest weight I didn't necessarily want to lose more but I was more conscious of all my loose skin flapping about. That weight plus skin removal I night have been happy with myself. Well happier.

OP posts:
Loseornotlose · 23/08/2020 19:17

I think I also struggle with him finding me more attractive now than at 2st less. We are so conditioned to think the less we weigh the more attractive we look.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread