Working full time

[GirlOnIt]

I guess I'm looking for a little reassurance/reality check.
I'm due to start a new job in September, I've got two DC who will be almost two and almost one when I start. I know it's not going to be easy at all and I of course have the mum guilt but just recently I've had quite a few comments from family, friends colleagues saying how it's going to be horrible and that they could understand if I 'have to' but not if I don't.
That's what I'm struggling with, money wise I don't 'have to', but me and their dad are only just deciding to give our relationship another go and if it doesn't work I want to be able to be as independent as possible.
My new job is a more money and although full time, slightly less stressful than the one I was doing part time previously.

So AIBU working full time with two such young children, if I don't need to money wise right now? And for anyone doing similar, any tips to make it easier? Their dad is very hands on and we've got good childcare arrangements, nursery and a few days with grandparents plus grandparents as back up for nursery closures/sickness etc, I also get paid if I need to be off with a dependent child and their dad can work from home if needed occasionally.

I’ve got a 6 and 2 year old and have always worked full time.

It’s hard and you have to be organised. Outfits and bags packed the night before.

However, you’ll forget stuff from time to time so cut yourself some slack.

Your family/friends etc are not being very supportive are they with those comments !

They should mind their own business, you sound like you are being sensible.

We both work full time with 3 small ones. Basically it’s deciding who is going to do which tasks - so DH empties the bins before he goes to bed, puts the washing in the machine etc. I do lunches for the next day and check school bags are ready.

Bath time, reading, dog walking, vacuuming etc done by whoever is free to do it - keep vac of kitchen after dinner.

We have a gardener and a cleaner so keep on top of the main things.

Organisation, organisation, then you will all be fine. It is busy and can be tiering but the money will be a good motivator.

Yanbu at all. I think you sound very sensible to be looking at the bigger picture.

I work part time and would prefer to be full time. My DC loves nursery and the lack of money impacts negatively on our family. I hope to go full time asap. Sounds like you are doing the right thing for now.

YANBU you sound very sensible.

FWIW I've always worked FT with 2 in FT nursery, it's actually pretty simple in terms of practicality, especially if you work a 9-5. One drop off and pick up

I did it. Yes, it was hard, but so worth it down the line.

In many ways, it taught us all to be organised, creative, resilient and self disciplined.

By secondary, my kids woke up on their own and took themselves to school when many of their friends who had a sahm couldn't even get out of bed without their mum dragging them out of bed.

They were easy teenagers and I think much has to do with their early life and the structure we all had to operate under.

That sounds like a great set up and a really sensible decision given you want to make sure you make a secure financial foundation for your future, regardless of whether you and your partner stay together or not. There's a bigger age gap between mine (so eldest was in primary when I went back to work when youngest was 12 months), but I was working full time with a long London commute 3 days a week. Honestly, it was absolutely fine. I was tired initially, because I was leaving for work at 5:30am some days after not always getting the best night of sleep (even though dh and I share the nighttimes, I was still bf, so only so much he could do).

But it was a great decision for me. I suppose I didn't 'have' to work either. I mean, dh could say the same I suppose. We could survive on one of our incomes if we needed to, but for both of us, our mental health would really suffer if we couldn't work. Dh makes close to 100K a year, and I earn quite well too (though not quite that much, as every different industry). But I did 'have' to work in the sense that I wouldn't get through life as a sahp. I want to support myself and have pension and a life away from just being a parent. Both of mine started nursery between 9-11 months and it's been great. If you have the option to work flexibly or compress your hours or work some at night from home so that you can work 4 days instead of 5 or something similar, that's a great option. But really, it will be fine and you are very wise to be building a solid financial foundation now while your dc are little. It will make everything a lot easier in a few years time.

I know @CheshireDing. It's not many, but it's been a few who've mentioned it a few times now. I guess the fact it's getting closer has had it playing on my mind.
Luckily both my mum and his parents are supportive.

We've talked about a cleaner, but I quite like cleaning and don't find it takes me too long. We're quite tidy/organised people too. We could afford it if needed though, so it's an option at least.

I always find it interesting that people say that to mums but not dads. I did it and to be honest it was tough but doable; meal planning (simple meals), online shopping and a cleaner helped massively. Also organise stuff for the week at the weekend and do a load of washing a day. I also used to make sure we weren’t busy every weekend so that there was down time for us all.
Financially it sounds quite sensible; I’m due to go down to 3 days and I’m finding it difficult to be financially dependent on DH when I never have before but I also work in an industry where I could easily up my days so that makes me more comfortable

Thank you for the positive replies. I can do some work from home hopefully and I'm hoping to work later on the days he collects from nursery so I can finish earlier on others. I'm still breastfeeding too, but other than a recent blip while teething, they both sleep quite well, hopefully it stays that way.
My partner does occasionally work away from home, which I'm not sure how that will work as yet.

I have a 8 and 10 year old and have always worked full time, i took a years mat leave with them both, but by the end of that i had to go back for my own mental health.
My mother is self employed worked full time when we were kids so its normal to me. My SIL is a SAHM and looks down her nose at me for working full time but it works for us and as i am the main earner if anyone was going to work Part time it would be DH.

Go full time, it’s not as bad as people think!

I am super organised, food is planned and prepped, next morning is prepped the night before including clothes, breakfast and bags packed. House is tidy, washing set on a timer to finish at 7am to hand in the morning.

I struggle is we deviate from routine and when I socialise in the week.

Go forth and enjoy your less stressful job, more money and a cup of tea and a wee in peace!

I would perhaps try and wfh on a Wednesday, this stops the wheels coming off the bus if anything slips.

I've always worked full time. I found it hard due to lack of sleep at times but to be honest it works well for us.

Things I wished I'd done more of:
Batch cooked
Orderd more from cook
Giot a cleaner... 2 hours a week on a tidy house on a Monday made the house seem great through till at least Thursday as we were all out. Cleaner on Friday... Trashed by next day...

Would you have any scope to work from home? What I’ve found so far is that part time has probably been best for my children but harder for me in terms of work. I think in some ways a full time role would make things a bit easier and its been something I’ve been wondering about.

I’d take the new role in your position. The big thing that would swing it for me is the slightly rocky relationship but also grandparents being available for childcare. The latter is really valuable and I think mitigates against some of the downsides of full time working.

You'll get comments on whatever you do OP.
I'm working part time 2 days per week (shift work which includes 13 hours shifts, nights and weekends).
I get comments about how children who go to nursery thrive more and how people notice the difference between children who go to nursery and who don't. I got a comment from my mother yesterday that my child was a poor soul as I went out with my friend for breakfast yesterday as the before I was at work for 13 hours and hadn't saw her!

You need to do what is right for you and your family. You seem to have it all figured out with your partner and the future. Take no notice of people... easier said than done I know!

I work full time and it's fine, good childcare is the key to keeping the show on the road though!

I am in a similar predicament! I currently work 30 hours over 3 days, but thinking of asking if i can go back full time (40 hours over 4 days). We dont need the extra money to be able to cover our bills, which makes it harder to decide. Id love the extra money so that we can go on holidays, do things to the house etc. But am worried that in a few years i will regret not spending that extra time with my daughter!

I think you'll be fine if you have a good nursery or nanny (would be my choice if I were you). I'm sure you appreciate that childcare gets progressively harder when they reach primary school age.

As you have two pre-schoolers and are in a relatively insecure relationship, how far is this actually optional anyway? What would your position be if you stayed in your current role and separated from your partner in a few months?

I'm really happy with our nursery choice @LizzieMacQueen.
I think nursery is better suited for my eldest too, they have an amazing outdoor provision and I imagine he'll only come inside to eat and sleep.

I'd be ok @PiataMaiNei. If he paid maintenance as he should and I doubt he wouldn't. I guess that's why the guilt.
I can't stay in my old job though, I've accepted the new one, I could ask to do it part time though.

But I want to progress in my career too and it's harder doing so part time. Dp works half days Fridays so he's going to do the food shopping then collect them early from nursery. I don't have a huge commute so they'll be dropped off at 8 for me to start at 8:30 and be picked up no later than 5.

I think the majority of people work full time now, it's not as unusual as it used to be.

I think it will be easier to go back full time at this age, better to put in the hrs now as you will likely need/ want flexibility when your children start school.

YANBU
I have a 21 month old and a 3 year old.

I have been back at work since the my first born was 9 months old. Worked until my due date with my 2nd and went back when she was 3 months with a compressed week.

People couldnt understand why as my husband and I are happily married and we could survive without 2 incomes but would have very little money after bills.

I have spent all my time since having my firstborn trying to make sure it something was to happen to my relationship or if my husband was sick that I could provide for my family in the best way I could. Such as passing my driving test, working towards more qualifications, and going for promotions that I believe I wouldnt have gotten without going back to work.

Yes i hated leaving my little ones and it was hard. But I have no regrets. When we had my son I was terrifed about the future, but I am proud that I worked hard for the..

Having family support and a supportive role is essential for it all to work. Just be kind to yourself while you're adjusting to your new role.

Try to ignore the naysayers. The concept that a fulltime working mother is a bad thing for the DC is very silly and remarkably old fashioned. As you say it's not easy but doable and comes with surprising benefits. When my DC were your age they were both in nursery full time.

When exdh and I split I wasn't vulnerable and had my own career and money to ensure dc had a roof over their head and looked after in the right way. I was supremely grateful for that. Also my dc flourished at nursery , the socialization really was brilliant for mine (I fully accept not everyone has that benefit but I can honestly say my dc got loads out of it).

Their adaptability is amazing and I'm proud of the fact they absolutely see a work ethic at home (I am a SAHM currently due to covid childcare issues so not knocking that at all)

Everyone will have an opinion op ,unless they are in your home in your situation their opinion is invalid.