To ask how to get some effing sleep?

[Goostacean]

Between my 2.5yo and 8mo, I was up 6 times in an 8h period overnight. To quote a Mumsnet trope: sorry, that doesn’t work for me.

I think I know how solve the toddler getting lost in his own cot(!)- he’s getting a nightlight. But the 8mo is a nightmare and has slept 12hs ONCE since he was born, and 7-8hs in a row probably 10 times.

I sleep trained at 5.5mo and he now goes to sleep by himself, but wakes anywhere from twice a night to every 2hs. What the hell do I do to fix this? He’s still breastfeeding but enjoys solids. Continuing to put up with it is not an option.

I agree with getting his Dad to go in and offer water, you have to make sure you don’t give in thought however much they cry for you, otherwise it’s all been for nothing. I found this bit hard!

my boy was the same, just a shit sleeper compared to his older sister! Nothing I tried worked. When he was 3 he suddenly just started to sleep through properly. Something that did make a slight difference was when he was about 2.5 I got him a full sized single bed with a really good mattress. He seemed much more comfy when he was able to spread out and did sleep a bit better.

At 8 months he doesn't nutritionally need milk overnight and as long as it's on offer it's worth waking up for. Send DH in overnight with water for a few nights so boobs are not on offer.

@pukeymama Ferber method is good for sleep training

Can offer sympathy, and hopefully reassurance. My two were nightmare sleepers. Genuinely feared for my mental and physical health. They are now 5 and 2 and sleep through every night. I never thought we'd get here. It will get better, i promise. Till then, do what you gotta do to survive, co sleeping was our solution...

Thank you @cretelover, I'll take a look!

Thanks folks. Yeah, I think my oldest wasn’t great either but it was easier as I only had to cope with one and DH was working away for half the week so I could rest enough. Juggling two is a whole different ballgame... Eldest slept through consistently from 15 months (when he started nursery), but I’m going back to work in 2.5 months and can’t have this going on by then.

@Pukeymama Have a look for “sleep training in lockdown”, I started a support thread and detailed how I was getting on - basically I put him down awake and checked on him every 3-5-8-10 mins. Took a few days but we cracked it, whereas before I’d been feeding and bouncing to sleep and it was doing my back in.

So @goostacean I think you've got to do similar at night...

My daughter didnt sleep through until 10 months old. Not even once, I used to curse all my other mum friends who had babies that slept through from 12 weeks! We were up at least 2 or 3 times a night with her until then. Does your 8 month old use a dummy? I replaced her night time feeds with just putting the dummy in once she was on solids as I knew she didnt need milk and suspected she liked the comfort of breastfeeding. I used to just go in put a dummy in and walk out. I also weaned off boob to a bottle at around 8 months because I was going back to work when she was 9 months. The first month back to work nearly killed me but stuck with it and at around 9 months she learnt to put the dummy in herself and self sooth back to sleep. She still wakes occasionally now once a week or so but I will happily accept that over what it was like a year ago! I have another one on the way and I dread to think what it's going to be like with 2 not sleeping. Good luck.

No, no dummy. He chews on a muslin for comfort.

No, not a single parent but DH had previously been dealing with toddler wakings and I’d been sleeping in baby’s room, so it wasn’t too bad. Lately it’s all been on me and I’ve been traipsing up and down to baby’s room each time... Fed up.

Sleep is mainly developmental at this age so unfortunately there is no magic solution to 'fix it'. How do you feel about co-sleeping?

Its not what you want to hear, but it’s totally normal for a baby that age to be waking.

The link to the “sleep science” website is a sleep training consultancy, so I wouldn’t take that as impartial.

Negatively, I’m afraid. I can never relax enough to get high quality sleep so I only do it when there is extreme need eg baby is ill.

No, you’re right- it’s not what I want to hear! The situation is untenable

It seems strange now mine are teenagers and I can't get the buggers out of bed. We are on holiday ATM and it's a huge effort to get them up by midday so we can go out somewhere.

Some people swear by the Wonder Weeks app which gives you an idea when to expect baby’s developmental leaps, which can have an impact on sleep patterns. Doesn’t prevent baby from waking, but might help in planning family life, e.g. granny coming and sitting baby for a few hours while you get some sleep? Teething is another swine for waking babies. Grr.
These sleep “regressions” are just periods of time when babys brain is trying to deal with all the new information about what baby is learning, but everyone says they’re just phases and will pass.

Can you express your milk and then send your partner in for a couple of feeds so you at least get a few hours? Or could friends or parents help? My kids were awful sleepers so I have no other helpful advice. But good luck, I soon learnt to function on about five hours sleep.

Where's your DH in this? Can't he get up with them in the morning so you can have an extra hour, he should at least be trying to deal with all wakes until he goes to bed himself.

Otherwise... Go to bed same time as them, get help in the day like a nanny or mother's help so you can nap for an hour. It's crap but it's not forever and generally these things improve by themselves. You can't force someone to sleep if they can't / won't. 8-11 months is notoriously bad for sleep.

I had this problem with both my children - the answer was complete cold turkey with overnight breast feeds.

Mine was the same. At 9 months we switched to DH going in at night time with a formula bottle. (I was bf alongside solids in the day but no longer wanted to at night time). There was food and a cuddle on offer but after a few nights DD didn't want them and slept thro.

I found the Little Ones sleep guide and routine helpful, they send you a pdf with a routine and lots of notes. But making sure the baby has definitely had enough food and sending DH in would also work.

@BwanaMakubwa I cling to the thought that this too shall pass but it’s of limited help! 😂

DH can go in but he is terrible at being woken in the night ( what a luxury...) so realistically we need a concrete plan we’re both committed to, for it to work.

Last night I used white noise all night and ignored baby at 11pm (he resettled within 10mins by himself), and we only had one wake up at 1.45am. Aside from that he slept 8pm-7am. Better.... Fluke?