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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In need of opinions/help please

15 replies

Mumtwoboys90 · 22/08/2020 21:33

This is my first ever post although I'm a regular reader.
I'm worried about dh's drinking and need to know if I am being ott or not.
Bit of background he has always had a drink every day since I've known him but used to be a beer with dinner after work which is fine and would occasionally go out and get really pissed but was never how he is now. Then he got really into whisky and after the birth of our second son his collection seemed to grow over time and he at one point had 40 different bottles in a cupboard and would drink 7 or 8 singles on a fri/sat/sun night and also drinking beers most evenings during the week/weekend. I raised my concerns and he was having none of it saying I'm being over worried etc etc. Eventually I seemed to get through to him by explaining I was worried about his health and he has recently being trying not to drink mon to thurs and trying to stay nearer the guidlines for what is healthy which some weeks he has not managed but is trying. I'm glad he is trying but its worrying me that he can get to a Tuesday and need a drink.
We are going away for 12 days on holiday with our two young boys and he is bringing 90cl (36 units) of whiskey with him which is just over a bottle (70cl) but all different types in different smaller bottles. This is for the evenings....obviously he will be drinking beer at lunch dinner. If I suggest having a day without drinking as I'd rather he didn't drive if he's had beer at lunch then he just gets cross and defensive.
Is it just me being controlling to think that this is a bit much? I just feel like its quite a lot to bring on holiday and drink by yourself. I don't really want the kids to think its normal. He says I'm being controlling and I just need some other opinions as I'm confused.
Abu to think that this is a lot for one person?
Aibu? Please help!
Thank you

OP posts:
gubbbbbddaaaa · 22/08/2020 21:41

Yes it is a lot! Can he still function ?? Work?

PlanDeRaccordement · 22/08/2020 21:48

70cl = 700 ml
25ml of whisky = 1 unit alcohol
So, 70cl = 28 units alcohol

NHS guideline is to regularly drink no more than 14 units a week. So that’s a 2 week supply of whisky.

The whisky alone would be ok for a 12 day holiday (assuming not drinking on the travel days, so it’s a two week period)

But adding in beer, and yes, he’s got a drinking problem.

AliceAbsolum · 22/08/2020 21:48

He is drinking too much. But you are also being controlling. You can't make him drink less. He knows your opinion now. Either accept it and back off. Or end the relationship.

PlanDeRaccordement · 22/08/2020 21:51

The many different types of whisky would not bother me. It’s similar to having a wine cellar. Whiskys have different tastes. So it’s not the colllecting and having different types, it’s the fact he’s drinking a bit too much.
The only acceptable controlling is to refuse to allow him to drink and drive. If he has a beer at lunch, you drive.

Sunnyrainshowers · 22/08/2020 21:52

It sounds as though he is dependent on alcohol. I suggest you get in touch with Al-Anon, who offer support to the family members of alcoholics. Best of luck to you

Original poster
Mumtwoboys90 · 22/08/2020 21:54

Yes he can function but i guess that's not necessarily good thing...
Plandereccordement I agree the whiskey is enough as you say and 36 units is well over...

OP posts:
yeOldeTrout · 22/08/2020 21:55

Al Anon.

In need of opinions/help please
In need of opinions/help please
Original poster
Mumtwoboys90 · 22/08/2020 21:56

He says its fine to have a pint and drive and was moaning about me wanting to be a named driver too but I am going to make sure I am.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtwoboys90 · 22/08/2020 21:57

thank you sunnyrainshowers that is helpful x

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtwoboys90 · 22/08/2020 22:09

Thanks also yeoldtrout

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 22/08/2020 22:23

@Mumtwoboys90

He says its fine to have a pint and drive and was moaning about me wanting to be a named driver too but I am going to make sure I am.
... You need to be named driver and also to actually take over driving unless you are sure each time that he is not over the limit i.e. not sneaked an extra drink
DrManhattan · 22/08/2020 23:04

It sounds like he has issues - needing to take alcohol with him on holiday so he has enough and drinking everyday. Being defensive is another sign.
The only way he will change is if he decides to. Not much you can do.

PlanDeRaccordement · 23/08/2020 06:01

@Mumtwoboys90

He says its fine to have a pint and drive and was moaning about me wanting to be a named driver too but I am going to make sure I am.
Yes, make sure you are a named driver. He is risking the lives of everyone in the car with him and everyone on the road too by drinking and driving. Even if it is just a pint. And children do not survive car accidents as often or as well as adults do.
moose62 · 23/08/2020 06:36

You can buy mini breathalysers from Halfords as you have to have them in the car if you drive to France. Why not suggest that you will quit nagging if he uses one when he gets in the car after drinking at lunchtime. If he is over the limit, you drive, no arguments. It might be enough to stop him.

Original poster
Mumtwoboys90 · 23/08/2020 07:54

Thank you for all your replys it is so helpful as he honestly makes me out to be totally unreasonable about the having a pint and driving thing he says im being stupid its totally fine and you burn a unit of an hour anyway......i had started to think I'm being weird about it but I'm going to put my foot down about it I've never felt OK with it

OP posts:
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