Dd16 and 🚬 who is right?!

[BetterCallSaul99]

She isn't full blown smoking but kind of shares with friends. She also smokes weed at least once a week. I'm not happy about either and am hoping she will find a new group of friends who don't have to do this shit to enjoy life. She has no idea ive spotted her smoking. So we are away as a family for a few days and this is day 3. She has gradually got more and more moody and wants to go home on her own which I've said no. Her dad, who used to be a smoker for at least 25 years and struggled many times to give up over the years before finally cracking it thinks we should let her as he understands her suffering. I strongly disappointed. It would be us paying for it as she has no job, I don't want her to smoke for health or financial reasons and I think allowing it is ridiculous. And setting her up for a lifetime of it. He thinks it will stop her foul moods then we can all stop being on edge and relax and enjoy life more! Who is right?

First of all, I would like to point out that in the England the age to legally consume tobacco and the age to buy tabacco are different. The age to consume is 16, However the age of to purchase is 18, Therefore by just smoking OP ‘s daughter Is technically not doing anything illegal.

I’ll be honest, whilst it is not ideal I will just leave it to be fair. If your daughter is going to a sixth form college in September (instead of saying on at school) She will most definitely be around everyone who does it, because of the above sixth forms can’t legally stop people from smoking unlike schools can. I would just make sure she understands the risks that she is putting herself in.

I couldn't fund anything smokable. Draw a line there. I would offer to fund nicotine patches, though.

My adult DD is a secret smoker. There will be a nuclear explosion when DH finds out.

Don’t be too hard on her, but just casually drop into some conversations that smokers waste so much cash. Smokers have the option to be homeowners, have decent holidays and drive a nice car or they smoke.

If she smokes she will never holiday in America Or Australia or Africa as a 7+ hour flight is too long to go without a fag.

A few well placed comments about the nasty, lingering stink, the damage to lungs, the antisocial element, the ‘common’ ness, and wasting £10 to pay idiot tax.

Smokers smell, they’re poor (at least poorer than they would be if they didn’t smoke) they have to run out of every dinner, family gathering etc to spark up and they’re doing their health no good. It’s just up to you to make her understand all of that.

She smoked before and didn't want to, perhaps it's time to talk to her about why she feels she should be doing it at all? Does she feel she needs to in order to be accepted by these friends? To feel older? To feel more mature in some way?

The one thing an ex-smoker never regrets is giving up. You might think "I could murder a cigarette" every now and then (I still do and it's been 20 years!) but to not be a slave to the addiction is such a better feeling.

@heartsonacake maybe you’ve been lucky enough not to suffer nicotine withdrawal - its rough!!
So yeah, bless her.

I appreciate, yes, it is her own ‘fault’ for starting, but I still wouldn’t wish day 1-3 on anyone!!

Those of you who think their teens don't smoke weed - yes they are, they are just not telling you

heartsonacake maybe you’ve been lucky enough not to suffer nicotine withdrawal - its rough!!
So yeah, bless her.

It’s nothing to do with luck I have deliberately chosen not to poison my body in such a way, and I’ve never had friends (nor family, thankfully) that have done the same either.

Nobody is forced into smoking and saying I’m lucky because I’ve never felt that implies that anyone who does go through that is just unfortunate, and that’s simply not the case because it was a deliberate act on their part.

The dangers of smoking and the withdrawal are well known by everyone. If you choose to smoke you have chosen to put yourself through that. No sympathy whatsoever.

I would clamp down on the weed smoking seriously. If you could find the parent of someone who smoked weed and screwed their life up to talk to her and explain what smoking that shit can do, I would.

@WorkinWomansBlues I wouldn't even bother engaging with the completely closed minded who believe anyone who dabbles in the odd bit of pot or any drugs ate stoners/smackheads.

Its definitely not unusual for teens to smoke a bit of weed and be completely normal functioning. Not saying its OK but its what happens. Its not ideal of course but by taking openly with your DD OP you will get further than banning anything as she wont even bother talking to you then.

My being really strict parents you certainly won't stop them doing these things but by informing them properly you might.

@LimitIsUp I don’t know why you seem to think all teens are or have been smoking weed. There’s a whole section of teenagers who are completely anti drugs and wouldn’t dream of even smoking or drinking alcohol let alone smoking anything else. It’s much more common a standpoint than it was a few years ago. Not everyone is trying or smoking weed..!

@LimitIsUp speaking personally I'm 99.99% positive my 18yo DC isn't doing weed - they wouldn't even let me buy them an alcoholic drink to celebrate their 18th!!

I'm not naive, I work with young people. Yes a lot use weed but we do them no favours by suggesting it's ok- so many have their lives ruined by it. Like @Bagelsandbrie I find many teens avoid all drugs and alcohol. My DC are horrified by my 6th form drinking.

I’m afraid I’d be really harsh on this. She’s not earning, so I’d stop her allowance, I’d be horrified about the weed.

I dunno... DC-20yo often makes scathing comments about people who smoke weed. He feels very strongly about it.

DC-18 probably tries weed. Is reckless in multiple ways. But only when others offer, I reckon.

Other teen/preteen DC barely have or completely lack social life. Couldn't keep the secret, no opportunity, friendship circle not that adventurous.

I was a (pre)teen stoner, DC all know this and act like it's my alien past.

Cannabis smoking is not benign. It's a gateway to harder drugs. It can cause permanent brain damage in adolescents. Pot can cause damage to executive function. It can potentiate psychosis. Having a drugs charge can cut off potential careers.
There's a very good book called Tell Your Children, which gives many reasons teens should not smoke marijuana.
Strongly discourage your daughter from smoking. Preserve her health. You are the parent, and you must say no.