Single mum, lockdown with 2 small children has broken me

lanthanum · 22/08/2020 10:52

You're not a crap mum - everyone needs a break now and then!
Hang on in there - school starts soon, and that will make things a bit easier. Start planning a bit of "me time" for naptimes once school starts, and in the meantime don't feel guilty about sticking the older one in front of a screen while the younger one naps, just so you can get a bit of a break.

CremeEggThief · 22/08/2020 10:57

I'm not surprised, OP. I've found it really tough as a single parent with a teenager and a courtyard. I think it probably feels even harder now an end (of some sorts, with the return of school) is in sight, but just hang in there. Try to have some little treat every day; find a way of getting some me time, even if it's getting up early or staying up late; and be kind to yourself. ☕🧁

Cabinfever10 · 22/08/2020 11:04

I hear you op. I've been struggling myself with 1 sen dc and no family close by and as a widow no input from his dad. I've ended up going back on antidepressants for the 1st time in over a decade. You are not a bad mum your just human, we all need a break and some down time. Have you considered that you could have situational depression?

MrsRonaldUlyssesSwanson · 22/08/2020 11:09

You're definitely not a crap mum, if I was you I would do whatever was necessary to get yourself through the next two weeks. Take the kids out to a park and let them run riot so they're too knackered to badger you when they get back and an early night is required. Just have a movie day where you sit on the couch and watch movies in pyjamas and eat sweets if it keeps them quiet. Do whatever you have to to make it as easy as you can on yourself.

Also remember that very few people post the truth on social media, if you look at the times on my Facebook when I've been suffering anxiety and struggling to get our the front door my timeline is full of me being very jolly. No-one tells the truth.

You're doing amazing, my mum was a single parent with zero input from my dad and as I grew up I was amazed with how much of a superhuman she was to do it on her own. We have a very special relationship because of it.

Ps get some wine and chocs in

HorridHamble · 22/08/2020 11:47

I hear you. It’s been incredibly difficult for you lately and it is relentless. I’m a single mum too, but my DC are 7 and 8.

I can only tell you what seems to be working for me. I stopped keeping it to myself and started telling people how I felt. In my case it was a trusted colleague (we are still wfh) then my GP and a local helpline. I did not want to face up to it but getting it out in the open has helped. I can’t emphasise the importance of talking to someone enough.

I planned out a very rough, achievable daily routine that includes a few minutes of self care, which previously just didn’t exist. I find the Headspace app helpful, but Smiling Mind and Happify were recommended to me too (not had time to look at those ones yet).

I do practical things like prep as many meals as I can on a Sunday so I have less to contend with during the week.

I get up earlier so I can have some peace and gather my thoughts before the day starts.

I’m in Scotland so my DC are back at school and what a difference an enforced routine has had on all 3 of us already.

Try to get outside every day, even if it’s a walk round the block. It might not seem worth the hassle of getting the one year old and buggy down the stairs, but view it as an essential.

However, these are just practical things that help me stay afloat. Citalopram has helped me more than I can say, as has talking. I found talking to a local helpline easier as I felt more anonymous, and I really do think you should speak with your gp as you may well be depressed, anxious, stressed or all three.

I’d be happy for you to PM me in confidence if you like. Please don’t suffer in silence. Even posting here is a step forward.

CharlottesComplicatedWeb · 23/08/2020 21:09

This is so hard for many many people. I feel for you, really I do.

No advice to add but sending

alliejay81 · 23/08/2020 21:52

Lockdown is shit. It's double shit with kids. Quadruple shit in a flat.

You love your kids, it doesn't mean the last six months have been enjoyable and you'd be mad to pretend they were.

Let's be honest, we're all surviving not thriving. I had a meltdown the other day as I decided I could not do one more hour of working/parenting at the same time. Like we all do, I pulled myself up, but let's be honest it's so fucking hard. No-one was expected this, no-one was prepared for it.

Life will get easy when schools re-open, til then there's gin!

OnceUponATimeInHollywood · 23/08/2020 21:56

Is your friend a FTM? If so, she has all this to look forward too. She's just in her newborn bubble at the moment. Lol.

I hear you though girl. I have two, 3 & 4 Yr old and my god, 2 weeks couldn't come quicker. Both will be in FT nursery and school. Hallelujah. Haha. Hang on in there.

Janaih · 23/08/2020 21:59

Sending unmumsnetty hugs your way. This has been so tough for many and it doesn't make you a bad parent to have reached your limit. Please hang in there though, the end is in sight x

Windyjuly · 23/08/2020 22:19

Op, we are nearly at the finish line re school.
I wouldn't have copped with dc had they been younger even with dh here!
It's so hard how hard young dc are. You need support and lots of ££ to throw at it.
The end is in sight, keep focused

Givemlala · 23/08/2020 22:23

Facebook is usually full of crap anyway, someone who is enjoying every second usually doesn't take time to post about it on social media. Not that I'm saying your friend is miserable, but please don't compare or feel bad by what people post; it sounds like a really hard situation for you, but I'm sure you doing amazingly well. Do you have any friends or family nearby that can help? Your eldest returning to school should hopefully help at least a bit

makingbacon · 23/08/2020 22:28

OP I feel you. I have two toddlers and live in a flat. I do have a husband which helps but my god it's been the worst 6 months. Really resenting covid/pandemic. I'm on my knees with exhaustion trying to entertain two tiny energetic children with a severely limited range of activities we can do.

Hugs

Vgbeat · 23/08/2020 23:44

You are not a crap mum at all, quite the opposite. It has been bloody hard the last few months. Ive only 1 child and a husband who could be classed as a second child and I literally had to beg a couple of weeks ago for him to take her out and let me just have a couple of hours on my own. He didn't think that I hadn't had a second as he goes out a couple.of.times a week for his hobby and I take my daughter for a walk regularly so he often has time on his own. Try and get them to have an early night and do something for yourself even if its just a bath or a face mask.or something even if its just for 10 minutes.

rosiejaune · 24/08/2020 01:14

@RightToBeWrong

I'm a single single mum of a 5 and 1 year old and lockdown has nearly broken me. We live in a flat and have no outside space and not having a moment to myself is so hard. My daughter will be back at school in 2 weeks but the constant questions, talking, demands and jumping on me is too much. They have no contact with their father and are with me 100 percent of the time. I am writing this crying in my bathroom because it is the only room with a lock where they can't get in! I adore them both, I really do but it's getting to me seeing others on Facebook etc doing seemingly fine. My friend has just had a new baby and has been posting that she is loving every second, it makes me feel like a crap mum who doesn't appreciate her kids. :(

Do you have any local friends or family with a garden you could form a support bubble with? They might appreciate your company too, and the children will be entertained with each other and playing outside. And you could take turns looking after them to get time alone (or at least without the older one).

Sailingblue · 24/08/2020 02:25

Mine are similar ages and lockdown has been hellish to be honest. I’m not sure how I’d have managed on my own in your position. I think the ages of yours has made lockdown particularly hard. Of course there are challenges at every age but the needs of yours will be so different but also full on.

I found that during the baby just wanted to join in (aka destroy) everything the older one wanted to do which made her crabby and then felt pressure to do 1:1 stuff with the older one during nap time so I never had a break.

Hopefully September makes things easier.

FuckwitMcGee · 24/08/2020 04:13

OP, there's nothing "crap" about you. You are doing the best you can in awful circumstances.

Notenoughchocolateomg · 24/08/2020 04:13

I feel for you OP. I'm a single mum to a 6 and 7yo.youngest has asd and other additional needs and he can be such hard work! I adore them, they are my whole life but seriously I wish they would just shut the hell up for 1 minute 🤣🤦‍♀️ it's relentless

Angelina82 · 24/08/2020 04:41

I always feel so sorry for people with young children that have no garden at the best of times, let alone through lockdown. And of course as a single parent with no one to share the load it’s going to be extra hard. You are definitely not a crap mum though, quite the opposite. But you must stop comparing yourself to people on Facebook because just like their profile pics you are usually just seeing the best of them, when in reality they will be having their bad (hair) days when they are really struggling (looking rough) too. Continue being the warrior you are OP and I hope things get better for you very soon

soberfabulous · 24/08/2020 04:55

Since I deleted Facebook and Instagram form my phone, my general mood has improved so much! OP you are a trooper. Not long now until school starts. You are definitely not alone!!

Boomerwang · 24/08/2020 05:00

I have just one 8 year old daughter and she's shared with her father so I only have her half the week but I still feel the stress creeping up if I have to stay indoors with her all day. It's the constant demands, mummy look at this, I want to eat, I want to drink, play with me which is totally normal, I get it, but not relaxing that's for sure. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for people in lockdown with their kids (I'm not in UK) so you're definitely not BU.

There must be a few lockdown groups out there for support?

DateLoaf · 24/08/2020 08:56

Let's be honest, we're all surviving not thriving Yes- too bloody true, well said. These months have been so hard for so many people, I totally hear you OP.