My mother and her nasty comments

[anxietyaunt]

It's been a really shite time in general and a particularly shite week. It's one of those times in life where it doesn't rain it pours. Most notably this week I have spent time in hospital with my very sick child (unexpectedly), and when finally released I had to have an MRI myself to investigate multiple lesions on certain organs that showed up in a routine ultrasound. Waiting for results but it doesn't look good. Hopefully I'm wrong.

Now I've picked up a nasty cold and feel dreadful and exhausted from the hospital stay. Thankfully my child is much better but it was really scary for some time there. He's very young and his condition means he could end up critically sick again in future and now I'm terrified I might not be around to make sure he's okay.

Sorry to ramble on. Anyway, I spoke to my mother today who knows about my child (though downplays the severity of his condition) but not about my lesions. Rather than ask about him she carried on about how deflated she was after a lunch with her friends whose children had "amazing" jobs in diplomacy and academia. I tried to laugh it off and said her kids had interesting jobs too which she rejected and said it was all very disappointing for her and she had nothing to say at the lunch.

To be honest I'm stressed about having a job at all given what's happening in the world and the fact I keep having to call in sick given what's been happening. I could lose it at any moment and we seriously can't afford for me to not work.

I realise I'm dealing with a lot she has no idea about (she was nowhere to be seen when one of my siblings or I were sick as children) but AIBU to be upset she can't read the room better? She's got form for taking pot shots at me in particular and tends to strike when I'm down.

From everything you've said, I'd dump her.

She's a complete waste of space and an appalling mother.

If you don't cut her out now, you will eventually because she will treat your kids the same way.

So save time and the hurt for them, and do it now.

Nasty, self-centred bitch.

Take care and good luck
You sound like a lovely mum xxx

I have a mother like her too so I can sympathise. It’s hard accepting it even when you realise that it’s not a normal mother relationship sometimes you don’t want to admit it to yourself.
You’ve done a great job to this point, you should be proud of what you’ve achieved. Keep your distance as much as possible, it is soul damaging continuing relationships with people who put you down constantly. I feel so much better for cutting contact to the bare minimum. She may come round and work on her relationship with you, but she may also never change. Give yourself time

Hugs coming your way from here There’s lot of support on the relationships board stately homes thread

@Ishihtzuknot If I know one thing it’s that she’ll never change. Sorry to hear you have had the same. I just don’t understand it. I just can’t imagine hurting my child like she does me. Sometimes I don’t think she knows she’s doing it. Other times I know she knows exactly what she’s doing.

She will know. Those other times? It’s because a) she’s so used to doing it and b) sadly, she just doesn’t care enough about your feelings. Maybe she can’t but it’s on her, not you

and said it was all very disappointing for her and she had nothing to say at the lunch
If the only thing someone has to talk about is their kids achievements it's a bit sad. Maybe she needs to needs to do something more with her own life so she can talk about her own achievements

A parent who can’t sing the praises of their child is an inadequate parent imo. They should be one of their child’s biggest cheerleader no matter the age