Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Anyone else think people at work think you are faking it when you are ill?

19 replies

comfyslipers · 21/08/2020 17:50

Yesterday at work I took a migraine. I worked through for a couple of hours but started feeling really dizzy and sick. I asked my boss if I could work from home and he could hardly say no but didn't seem very happy about it. I worked from my bed and answered e-mails etc. and more or less did a full day. Today when I woke up I wasn't too bad - went in to work as usual but had a massive dizzy spell - literally couldn't walk in a straight line and head was thumping. I told him I would need to work from home. However, when I got home I tried working on my laptop lying down but I have never felt so ill with a migraine and ended up so dizzy I couldn't move and kept throwing up. I had to message to say I couldn't do any more work. I feel a bit better now and plan on doing some work tomorrow morning if I am able. The thing is a lot of people are unsympathetic about migraine - I feel really bad for letting anyone down but some of them think it's just a headache and I'm overdoing it. My mum came up and nearly called the doctor today she was so worried and I was in such pain I couldn't stop crying. I have had two mri scans (unrelated neurological condition) and have been to the doctor at least 30 times - there is nothing they can do. I avoid all know triggers - what else can I do?

OP posts:

Pelleas · 21/08/2020 17:56

I can never shake the feeling that people might think I am malingering, and (touch wood) I'm not off sick very often. Is your manager understanding about your chronic migraine ? - that's the most important thing.

thebearwentoverthebumble · 21/08/2020 17:58

Yes I used to feel this way. It's annoying because different illnesses affect people differently. Some people can work with a migraine so then judge those who can't. I suffer really badly when I have a cold it's not just a sniffle I feel really really awful but so many people thought I was being ridiculous as they soldiered on through! Maybe if they hadn't I wouldn't catch them! Don't worry about what they think, if you're ill you're ill. Feel better soon 🌹

GrumpyHoonMain · 21/08/2020 17:59

I think with migraines the expectation is you would need at least a day off. Anything less would be viewed negatively

Original poster

comfyslipers · 21/08/2020 18:04

GrumpyHoonMain I guess - someone asked me today how I could work from my bed - I don't want to I just want to sleep but I'm so busy that I was trying to do everything I could to stop having a massive build up the next day or on Monday. Think I probably just prolonged it and would have been better sleeping. I must admit I got a fright today and really thought there was something seriously wrong with me.

OP posts:

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 21/08/2020 18:09

With migraines, I find people either understand completely or think you're being over dramatic about a headache and there is no in between.
Be honest with your manager - general rule for me is that if I can't work in the office, I'm sick and take the time off. No point saying you'll work from home and have people relying on that if you are actually too ill to work.
There is also the possibility that by continuing work from home you're not actually allowing yourself to get better and making things worse for the following day (not an accusation, just something that I did without realising).

For me, I had an awful manager who basically punished me for sometimes being able to muddle through and sometimes not (he basically said when they were bad enough for me call in sick I was clearly faking as I managed ok sometimes). As a result I stopped struggling and just took a sick day as and when one happened.
Much better with my last manager who's mum suffered from them. He was amazing - allowed me time when I needed it, even drove me home once when my vision went, let me work time back rather than have it as 'sick' and tied all sickness that was migraine related together as a long term condition.

MrsAvocet · 21/08/2020 18:13

Years ago now when my eldest was a toddler, she had chickenpox over Christmas. A few days later I caught it. I was meant to be working nights on New Years Eve but rang in sick on Dec 30th. Clearly nobody believed me because on New Year's Eve day, our Head of Dept called in on his way home from work, just to check I was ok of course. Everyone was apparently very worried about me as they know how bad chickenpox can be in adults. Too bloody right it was bad - I don't think I have ever felt so ill in my life! But I don't for one moment believe this visit was driven by concern. I have never had a visit from work when I've been ill before or since. Not a single expression of concern from my boss when I was in hospital for weeks with multiple injuries in fact. Funny that.

Original poster

comfyslipers · 21/08/2020 18:15

GrumpyHoonMain thank you. I don't expect sympathy at work but once I practically fainted and had to be driven home. I don't get them this bad very often but when I do it's very scary. We are extremely busy at the moment and I have my own caseload and no one else will really know what is going on so that's why I brought work home. Also, everything is very time orientated so it just can't be left for a few days. I just wish I didn't give a toss but I just feel so guilty.

OP posts:

june2007 · 21/08/2020 18:17

Deoends on the person and the day but yes it is very common. But it is also notted that some staff do have more time off sick then others.

Toomboom · 21/08/2020 18:18

Oh, yes. We certainly get that at work. If someone is off sick, some of the others start making comments about the person that is off ,saying they aren't that bad, and if they themselves were ill then they would be in!
You know as soon as you are off sick someone is talking about you. It's horrible.

Purplewithred · 21/08/2020 18:26

DH. He’s just been in hospital with something life threatening that was diagnosed by close colleagues (he’s a paramedic) where he is already well known for being an absolute grafter and only going off sick if he’s at death’s door. But no, despite being forbidden to work by his occy health people + the cardiac team he offered to take some sick leave as holiday, and is hugely relieved now he is actually on holiday.

Drives me mad. Especially as I know absolutely nobody at his work thinks he’s swinging the lead.

TinnedPearsForPudding · 21/08/2020 18:27

I'm afraid I would be suspicious of someone who was too sick to be in the office but could work absolutely fine from home / in bed. I suffer with migraines so have total sympathy but going home & being "sick" is different to going home but being well enough to take phone calls & answer emails from your sickbed. Sorry

Chezacheza · 21/08/2020 18:29

I had a boss who was really unsympathetic and would make you feel really guilty for being sick.

I had really bad endometriosis pain and he asked me to try and stick it out till the end of the day - like a dick I did! But but the end of the day I was nearly passing out and my boss was in a meeting with some one from outside our office and I crawled in to his office and asked for help because

A) I didn’t want to pass out on my own as I was scared no one would look in my office

B) I couldn’t stand up!

He and the person were horrified. He jumped up and helped me to a chair called my dh and I went home - for the rest of the week!

Now if I’m ill - im ill! I don’t care if anyone believes me.

Also don’t do work on lap tops if you have a migraine the blue light will make it so much worse. If you spend a lot of time looking at a screen you may need a filter. I can’t eat cheese because it will trigger one. Migraines are bloody awful

recklessruby · 21/08/2020 18:34

The only thing I m ever off work with is a migraine as I cant see am dizzy and sick so wouldn't be safe to drive. I wouldn't say I could work from home either as i need to lie down in a dark room with no screens and try to sleep.
Worked there 12 years and they know if i m not in i m really ill as I m almost never off.
Boss is fine as his wife also gets migraines.
I have struggled in with heavy colds and chest infection and back pain so they know I dont call in for nothing.
Your mistake was offering to work from home so minimising your pain in their eyes. Next time dont offer and if they ask say no you cant use screens with a severe migraine.

D4rwin · 21/08/2020 18:36

Yeah. I had a boss who was:
Overheard on the phone querying how valid a sick note was with HR. About our colleague. Her father had died. She was particularly affected.
Who praised another colleague for asking to take annual leave when he was diagnosed with an ear infection when suffering balance issues. She raised it as an agenda item in a team meeting. She was quite pissy when I queried whether that meant she was overwriting the organisation's two week minimum for holiday requests.
Turned up at a colleagues house unannounced/ uninvited who had been signed off after receiving a back injury in a car crash. Boss said as boss had a long term bad back she'd easily be able to persuade colleague she could work around it.
HR fucking hated her.

GrumpyHoonMain · 21/08/2020 19:07

@comfyslipers

I was like that too. My migraines can be powered through. But after overhearing some horrible gossip about me apparently being ‘workshy’ because I worked 12 hours at home rather than 6-7 hours in the office as my colleagues I have stopped. Migraines now mean a day off, and I leave my long hours for when I am in the office to make the gossipers look bad.

linmanuel · 21/08/2020 19:58

I am ashamed to say I was one of those who thought migraines were just headaches until
I suffered myself

MintyCedric · 21/08/2020 20:03

Yep, not helped by the fact my most significant issues tend to be MH related.

Had a meltdown a few days ago to the point of writing suicide notes and have been referred up the scale to the next level of support.

On holiday at the moment and due back at work next week. Have no idea how I'll cope with that on top of my existing problems but the thought of taking time off is terrifying.

Sunshine1235 · 21/08/2020 20:11

I think if your ill take a sick day. If you work from home it does undermine you saying you’re sick as well as implying working from home is a bit more of a doss which isn’t helpful for the reputation of working from home and other colleagues who want to

Rosebel · 21/08/2020 22:18

I was signed off work last year with a lung infection and still had people asking why I was off and that I looked /sounded fine.
That was the illest I have ever been but still had people just assume it was a cold.
Tbh I don't really care if people think I'm faking being sick, I'm rarely off work anyway.

Flip