Mother dumping junk on me

[Newmum97]

Bit of back story- Me and my mother have never gotten along. When I told her I was pregnant at about 2 months she made a lot of very nasty comments and we didn't speak for months. Come 7 months in and I unblocked her and she's been very keen to give me things that she thinks will be useful for me and my partner for the baby (due in a month) and our new flat which we haven't moved into yet. This sudden burst of support has been lovely albiet slightly suspicious. My mum is also moving abroad next year and has subsequently been trying to clear out her house as she is a bit of a horder and in the past is has been very difficult to get her to throw things out or sell things. Because of this i tend to hate clutter unless it something i really like or have sentimental value for. The first couple of things she offered me from her home i was very appreciative for and felt that they were genuinly useful items however recently it has got the point where she is messaging me every other week offering me things which quite frankly I don't want for example unopened 20yr old sippy cups that were suppose to be for my 24yr old sister that mum thinks will be good for my baby, a stack of slimming world magazines for recipes, about 30 kids magazines for SIL and an entire collection of kids stuffed animals that my baby won't be able to use for at least 3/4 years due to the parts and tags. Dont get me wrong I'm very grateful that my mum is trying to help and save me money as this kind of behaviour is quite unusual for her but I feel it is getting to the point where she is just trying to cart off junk to me as she doesn't want to throw it away and that it might be easier for her to do that than to sell or donate. We haven't even moved into our new flat yet and she has filled up an entire car full of things for us and I have told her that at this rate our storage cupboards in new flat are full and we haven't even moved our own things into it yet. A lot of the stuff she is offering I simply don't see the point in having/storing and would much rather she ask me what I need for baby and the flat rather than offering things which are 10 plus years old that have been lying around storage. Am i being ungrateful? I personally wouldn't offer people things that were very old and of little value and take up so much space. Obvs if it was an antique or heirloom it would be different. I feel like I'm being a dick but at the same time it's like, would you want your baby drinking out of a 20 year old sippy cup? Would you store bin bags full of teddies in your house for 4 years just so your child could eventually play with them? Btw the issues is not with me not being able to turn things down as I have, I just think some of things she is offering is bizarre.

It depends on what plastic it is as to if there's anything wrong with a 20yr old sippy cup or not, plenty of families with children spanning decades, using and reusing things, as well as playgroups with original cups still going, but that isn't the issue here, is it.

You're not being ungrateful and your only being a dick if you're nasty about it, and you don't sound like you are.
Your mum isn't a bit of a hoarder by the sounds of it, she is a hoarder for whom a sippy cup your sister never got to use holds emotional meaning and therefore would be great for her sisters baby.
If I'm right then no reason why she wouldn't be suffering from a hoarders mentality and perspective, but I'm sorry you don't have the more 'normal' mum becoming Grandma experience you'd understandably wish for. We cant have everything, and you have a new flat and a new baby to focus on here, not get bogged down by a difficult relationship.

Allow her to gift say one 'special' teddy or similar, as grandma to baby to be, as it will give joy, but make her select which one as a 'special' gift.

Then just thank her each time and say 'sorry no room, am going to have to be really strict about not collecting stuff as we already have too much stuff.'
Be a stuck record. Same message, don't deviate, don't discuss, don't go on about the size of cupboards etc. Keep it really simple.

Most of all don't allow stuff into the car or through the door. If she brings it with her make her take it home again - so sorry mum, just no room.

A hoarders dream is for someone to develop a need and want the stuff they know they need to get rid off that they've saved because it's useful, (though not to them) and can't bear to throw away. Don't hold it against her, just accept it's whats going on in her hind brain whether she knows it or not.

It may seem bizarre to you, but tbh given what you've said about both the poor relationship and her moving abroad I'd say no need for drama or to get into value of items or lack of it, or how self aware she is or isn't. Just create a boundary that keeps things civil, allows you to determine your future, and prevents you becoming the decluttering station.

Once she's abroad I'm willing to bet she wont spend the postage on sending you endless clutter.

Yanbu

Only take what you can use, it’s not at all unreasonable to politely decline what you don’t want/need. With a new home and baby the last thing you need is to be sorting out someone else’s shit.

I sympathise as my parents do this too. I have 2 kids that they bring stuff for so it makes it extra difficult because they want to keep everything they’re given from nan and grandad. At one point I even found a stack of plastic tubs ( like take away Pots) dumped in my (newly cleaned out and mini zee Tupperware cupboard. My parents admitted they’d put them in there when I wasn’t looking when they visited me. I returned them the week after and told them to tell me if they plan to offer me something.

I actually find dumping your stuff on someone else very selfish. My parents struggle to get rid of things but I think they find it easier to give it to me than to get rid of other ways. It’s self serving because it certainly doesn’t help me at all.

Thank you that's given a much different perspective to see it from. It never occurred me that she might have been passing down sentimental value

I'm glad if its helpful, but the problem for hoarders is everything can hold memories and connections, so please remember you still don't have to house any of it.

It's a tricky one. My MIL is a frequent giver of all sorts of plastic tat for the kids,out of date magazines,random bizarre items and sometimes even food. She genuinely does it from the kindness of her heart, she's late 80's and is of the generation that would keep things for a rainy day,and waste not want not mentality, and a bit of a hoarder. She's always been the same even when DH was alive and it was a standing joke between us when he used to come home survey her latest present and go "you've been at Mams again!" . The plastic and random tat exponentially increased after he died. I just accept the stuff and donate to charity shops ( unless it is something of his that was given for sentimental value). I could never refuse as know it would offend her and I'd never want to upset her as it comes from a place of love , but it can be a bit wearing at times x