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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unhappy life

3 replies

Elf1990 · 21/08/2020 12:08

Hi, everyone. I don't know what I'm looking to gain from this or even if I expect any responses but I just even need to type what I'm feeling at the moment. Basically on the outside everything in life looks great, I am engaged, I have two children, my partner and I have great jobs and own our own home, we go on multiple holidays every year etc people keep telling me how lucky I am. In reality I am struggling daily not to breakdown.
As a child I was abused and I never told anyone, I just grew up and I thought about it every now and then but I always felt like it didn't affect me. Then two years ago everything came to the surface and I was 28 at the time, for the first time in my life I began experiencing sleep paralysis, severe panic attacks and anxiety, I just thought about what happened non stop everyday. I began drinking daily, not a lot, but I drink from a mug so my partner doesn't see. I went to my Dr. and also to counselling in secret, I never really addressed the full reasons for me being there as I just could never get the words out so it basically didn't work. Ever since I have just gone day by day counting down the hours to going to bed at night. I don't even know why but for some reason I stopped paying my bills i.e phone bill, credit card, credit union to the point they were ringing me daily and sending me letters which I hid from my partner all over the house, I just spent all my savings on absolute rubbish, I don't know maybe I was looking to cheer myself up short term. I think I just got so unhappy that nothing else in my life actually mattered to me. I lost so many friends because I would make plans with them and just not go through with it, I lost the relationship with my parents because they said I had become a totally different person and they were disappointed in me. I think due to hiding my past for so long I have just become so used to keeping secrets from people and hiding things, I allow them to be bottled up until I snap. My partner knows nothing of my debts, my depression, the fact I was taking Xanax I feel like my whole life is one big secret or lie that not one person knows the truth about me. I wouldn't even know if I could differentiate between what the truth is anymore. I have just become so accustom to lying and telling people how great everything is and how happy I am that I am mentally and physically exhausted. I suppose the reason I wrote this is because I never realised how much my childhood could affect the rest of my life and I never thought this would be me.

OP posts:
ClaraJude · 21/08/2020 12:18

I’m so sorry OP. You’re not well, and it isn’t your fault. Please don’t frame this as an issue of personal failing when the truth is you have been traumatised and aren’t well.

If you can bear it, please try and be honest with your partner. With the right help and support you can heal from this, but you can’t do it on your own.

I wish you all the best Flowers

MatildaTheCat · 21/08/2020 12:20

Well done for typing that out, it means you’ve made a start in addressing your problems.

Your DP must know you aren’t ok even if he doesn’t know why or the extent of your issues. If you’ve fallen out with even your parents it’s obviously very apparent.

If you can’t bring yourself to speak the words out loud perhaps send him this post or very similar. You need medical help, therapy and emotional support from your loved ones.

Time to reach out and start to feel better.

Best wishes.

squanderedcore · 21/08/2020 12:32

Tell your partner op. Something bad was done to you and you had no control over it. It's not your fault.
Tell him about the over-spending and get some help for that. It's like alcohol in that it makes you feel temporarily happy and allows you to forget what's happened to you temporarily. Needing to escape is not your fault either.
It's very common for those who have suffered abuse to only feel the full affects once they become parents themselves.
Have another go at counselling and if you find it difficult to speak, write it down for them.

And maybe get some ADs to help you through the process as making plans and not following through, and not caring about anything, is classic anxiety/depression. You may subconsciously be very anxious about the same thing happening to your dc
How would you advise a friend who is going through the same thing? Try and treat yourself with the same respect and kindness. You deserve it.
Flowers

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