Feed-up with parents at school

[Meme2019]

Not sure if what I am feeling is normal. My son started a new school in year one. I work full-time so I don't know if other working mum are in the same boat. The parents in my son new school started some from nursery in the same school, up to reception so they've built clicky groups. There is a class and year group WhatsApp group. I find that if I make a suggestion about something, and well I am not part of the clicky group, well it's never good enough unless it's from one of the other parents that well known.

I am finding the whole school experience quite difficult as though I was back in school myself, which is strange coz am not someone who is particularly bothered about having friends, but I think it bothers me more coz I want my son to have friends.

I have enjoyed lockdown so much, coz I was finding school so stressful. My son hasn't got any close friends at school, he is happy and plays with any child that will play with him.

How do people cope with this?

I don't think you're alone in feeling this way.

How big is the school? I doubt all the parents are in cliques?

What sort of suggestions are you making?

I didn't know any other parents when my son started the school but have got to know some and they are very uncliquey, I imagine it's much harder if you start part way through and work full time though.

It sounds like your son is happy and that's the main thing, could you host some weekend play dates to help cement some friendships?

As long as your child is happy then don’t bother with the cliquey parents.
I expect that there are plenty of parents who quietly get on with their child’s learning and social life. School fb/WhatsApp groups are often forums for those who shout the loudest.

You child will make friends in their own time and you can make play dates etc... via the school gate or a note via your child’s book bag.

What helped me was when someone put on MN the thought you are only in contact with them because you happened to have sex at the same time/became parents in the same year

Be friendly, but lower your expectations. It is MUCH easier not to get close to anyone, playground politics must be exhausting

@BlogTheBlogger

What helped me was when someone put on MN the thought you are only in contact with them because you happened to have sex at the same time/became parents in the same year

Be friendly, but lower your expectations. It is MUCH easier not to get close to anyone, playground politics must be exhausting

If your son is happy then there isn’t an issue.
Drop off.
Pick up.
Ignore the cliques and daft ones.

I’d just be happy they shared the WhatsApp group so you can get info. The cliques at my dd’s school definitely have chat groups where non-official, but important school info is communicated, but we outcasts aren’t included.

@Wolfiefan

If your son is happy then there isn’t an issue. Drop off. Pick up. Ignore the cliques and daft ones.

That.

Be grateful you are not as invested as they are. We had a group like this at my DD's primary school, they used to stand in a circle with their backs to everyone else as they gossiped in the playground at picking up time. Always asking for volunteers for events but what they meant was cleaners - they were not interested in ideas from anyone else or anyone doing a job they considered fun. Just sweeping up afterwards while they fucked off to the pub. They only talked to each other, socialised with each other, only allowed their kids to play together, no time for anyone else. They did once throw themselves a thank you party for all their efforts, paid for by the school, which other parents were graciously invited along to. We all just shrugged and let them get on with it. Until two of them fell out and battle lines were drawn in a vicious war for hearts and minds! It was quite funny really, how quickly all these clicky BFFs turned on each other but the school was so dependent on them to organise stuff it did suffer for a while. Ignore the lot of them, OP, and look forward to the day your child leaves primary. I was so relieved when it was all over for me, secondary is much more civilised! Some people never really leave school and you don't want to involved in their drama.

Haha that could've been me that wrote that!
Dd is going to be in yr6 so only one more year of the pathetic yummy mummies. Thank god!!! They run the pta, just about everything that happens in the school they are a part of, not giving anyone else a chance to do anything. When asking for suggestions for the summer fete a couple of years ago I said how about a pimms bar, that got batted down as it wasn't good having alcohol at a school fete. Then they decided to have a gin bar instead. I pointed out that gin was alcohol too, but funnily enough that was ignored.
Tbh, I have a life, they don't as everything revolves around school.

It's hard to know whether they really are awful people who are trying to push you out or whether you just haven't got into the vibe of how they usually do things or what kind of things they usually do.
Can you give some context to what kind of stuff they discount you over? How long have you been at the school?

You’re just not going to make close friends with the other mums if you do work full-time. Could I also suggest you don’t use ‘coz’ on the class email/what’s ap group.
Otherwise, it does become less cliquey. Ask you son next term who he would like to come round to play and invite them...they may get on. They may not. You may like their mum, you may not..

And repeat.
Friendships are not fully formed in year1

There are definitely groups of parents (mostly mums) who are involved with everything, PTA, parent governors, raffles... they know everyone etc etc.! The competitive ones screaming and whooping on sports day, who reserve each other’s picnic blankets an hour ahead of time. Wanting volunteers “you should come and get involved!” but as another said above they mostly want you to do the donkey work. Often in an intimidating looking group on the playground well before the bell goes and long after.

On the couple of days I do pick up I stand by myself usually and will sometimes exchange a smile with one or two others, also standing alone waiting for their kids. Why arrive early? Mine just want to go home and flop after school not hang about while 7 women gossip and try and out-laugh each other (sorry. Some right hyenas at the youngest two’s school 😂)

Id just smile and wave. If they want to be friends with you they will make an effort. If they cant be bothered, that shows what sort of people they are.

Find friends via other means eg exercise class, learn a language, book group etc