to be feeling so desolate

[Rosebyanothername19]

I dont know what is wrong with me. I have a beautiful house, a hard working (if slightly absent) husband, a beautiful baby and a brilliant group of friends. But recently I've just been feeling so overwhelmed and like a failure.

I see other mums who are out and about with their children all laughing and having fun and i can barely manage a walk down the lane and cant think of any fun activities to do. My friends invite me out and I just feel like i can't face it but then i feel guilty for letting them down and not making more effort so i go but then feel awful for not talking more or worry that I haven't asked them enough questions and that I must be terrible company.

I try to work and I just can't focus and feel overwhelmed. I dont even have that much to do but its like I cant face it.

I worry I'm failing at being a good enough daughter, wife and mother. I feel like i don't know what I'm doing. The worst was when today I picked my daughter up from nursery and she was happy to see me but didn't put her arms out to me and kept looking back at nursery as we were walking away and it just broke me. I've basically spent the rest of the evening fighting back tears that even she knows I'm not good enough.

Sorry for rambling. Short of just telling me to pull myself together and stop feeling sorry for myself does anyone have any advice on how to pull myself out of this black hole?

I could of written your post op.

Hi I'm not sure if it's been mentioned but there are some very good depression tests you can do online. I occasionally still do them to keep a check on myself after a horrible bout of depression 10 years ago.
Wishing you happier days ahead

[quote Rosebyanothername19]@Phillymouse everyday?? My friends all live about half an hours drive away so its hard just to pop in for a cup of tea. Maybe I'm just making excuses though. I just wish everything didn't feel so hard.[/quote]
No not every day but you can also break things down even further like send a friend a message and ask them how they are doing, have a quiet cup of tea and biscuits with husband once baby is asleep, read a few pages of a book for yourself, do a sing a long with your baby with something fun on YouTube like Disney or nursery rhymes etc

I’m still recovering from PND and it definitely feels how you describe. Small things are very overwhelming, cancelling plans with friends, the fatigue and forgetfulness are such real things. I can’t remember much at all.
It does also feel like you’re having to swallow your tears and sadness a lot of the time.
Mental health is serious and many people don’t have a ‘reason’ to be depressed, but that doesn’t mean you can’t experience depression. But having a young baby and all the challenges that come with that is a huge trigger for depression because it’s bloody hard work, despite how much you love them!
I would talk to your GP and get some advice, please. I left it too long and things got worse for me because of that.
Sending love!

I’m so glad the questionnaire was helpful @Rosebyanothername19. I remember the same thing when I checked the questionnaire, I was slightly appalled that I had so many of the symptoms but also relieved that there was a reason for how I felt. I also lost a lot of weight & had trouble sleeping & eating. I’ve had depression twice but most recently I had pnd which I was struggling with on & off but I finally got the help I needed when my daughter was around 9 months. That was another thing, I thought pnd came on really suddenly after birth, I didn’t realise it could develop some months later. I am also on Sertraline now which has been a life saver & it’s perfectly safe for breastfeeding. It’s honestly made such a difference. You will come through this & we are all here to help with any questions or support you might need.

Thinking of you OP. Depression can affect people no matter how perfect their lives are; just like any other physical illness.

Therapy might really help! If you're one of the lucky ones then meds might help too but they do cause side effects for most people to begin with so don't worry too much if things get a little worse before they get better.

If possible ask your DH to be around as much as possible and to help out more!

Thank you everyone! I spoke to my gp today and they have prescribed me Sertraline so I will be starting on that tomorrow. The dr said it might take 6 week's for me to feel any better and I might feel more tired and a bit sick before noticing any difference. Did people notice differences any sooner? Is there anything else people did to help? I don't really want to to do counseling as i have done it before for a different reason and surprisingly none of that has come back so I worry of i go back it will be like opening Pandoras box and I might end up worse off.

No advice on side effects but a really big WELL DONE for taking some action. Just the fact that you now have someone taking this seriously will help in some small way.

Keep talking to us

@Rosebyanothername19 absolutely echo the well done. First steps. Nothing like this has an instant fix, unfortunately, although I sympathise with wanting it to be otherwise. I wanted a magic pill too. But it felt good when I had got the recognition of the problem sorted. 6 weeks is about right for changes to happen. I know it seems such a long while, doesn’t it? But you will get there. Keep a journal (I know, I’m being bossy about that, but it really does help and is fascinating later on!)

Hi, I just wanted to check in to say THANK YOU!!!!!
I have my life back and its all thanks to you all who posted advice and helped me through!
I am so much more myself. My beautiful little one is thriving, my husband and I rarely argue, I have started a new business and take so much enjoyment from life again!
I honestly can't thank you all enough! I still have bad days now and again but I dont beat myself up or tell myself it is because I'm useless and worthless, I now know it is just because I've got a bit overwhelmed and need to give myself a break!

If anyone else is feeling how I did a few months ago please, please go and talk to your doctor! There is nothing to be ashamed of, or embarrassed about. It's not your fault and you can get better!

Thank you all again!
X

Really glad to hear that OP, thank you for updating